My Reasons for Mood Swings

This is an interesting topic for me because I get to talk about my human nature and psyche as a leader. I sometimes do become in a deeply troubling state. What I mean is, I get pretty angry sometimes for the silliest reasons. I expect people to do what they say sometimes, and if I don't get the result I was visualizing then I get pretty intensively mad. I think it is the most normal pet peeve for everyone, unless they don't really care to trust another individual. Trusting people is a very bad thing to do in general. I should never have done this to a whole great deal and only to an acceptable level of trust. It is so because by placing my undivided heart on a few individuals, who I really needed in my life. These people are Margarita and Mike. They really said they would be trying some things, and I really felt happy when they told me but when they told me they were busy, I then became a little troubled. I was a little uncertain about how to react. By becoming angry for awhile towards the end and at the times of finals, I started doing things by conceptualizing the blameworthy things of human nature. What I mean is, I found things that I felt were angering and distubring in people. I didn't like people lying and teasing people because of lies. This thought occurred from people not showing up to the meetings. I became frustrated and the only thing that really drove me to anger was the thought of people doing things to hurt the development of CSS. I found meetings to be a very crucial effect in everything dealing with CSS. A club is basically a gathering of people. Without people showing up, I sometimes became a little sad inside and nervous. I was also sometimes a little angry. I had times of wanting to give up and to a point I did give up. I kept trying though no matter what. No matter how much I was sinning by staying unfocused with everything in life, school, and God. I kept praying for forgiveness from God because I really believe in Jesus Christ. I believed that by simply believing in Jesus Christ and accepting him as sovereign in my life, I would become transformed into a better person. I have deep regrets of some of the things I did with this club, but overall, I feel happy for the things that I never expected to happen.
I developed a small team of willing people. That was enough to get something started and motivated me to try super hard. I had great advice from people, who I never expected to help out. I think it is this sense of doing something fun and having some kicks that got these people together at this meeting. I became happy again. I also became worried for people who I knew wanted to care for this club and do something about it. I became upset at myself for not being a hundred percent on task with everything because I always saw important issues flying before my nose. I just couldn't do it because I wasn't sure about the status quo of people showing up to a meeting. If only there were enough people and friends supporting me in general, then I would be able to make this club into a more wonderful state of being for everyone else.
The motivation was not always there for me to try very hard. Sometimes I had feelings of wanting to burn down buildings because I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to be a great leader in this club. I wanted to represent everyone in Computer Science. I would get discouraged left and right from everyone. They would think of me as like this short kid with good ideas and that since I was not American enough, I wouldn't be able to do anything. I then lost confidence in myself. I lost happiness and had lack of control and felt like I was going nowhere. All of this, because people didn't show up to the meetings I expected people to show up at. The greatest people I admire are those who made an effort to show up. without those people, I would never have been able to lead for a greater direction in this club.