Being in a repentive state of heart is a very important command from the word of God. Without this willingness, it is highly evident that God may not have chosen to enable this person's heart. God is the creator of our faith as He describes Himself in the old and new testament. It is also by what He does that we come to see the terms we need from Him. Exercising no repentence means you are denying the need for Christ in your life. Having no need will cause you to not to walk the way of the Lord. Repentence by a believer is a sure sign that he has no dead faith in Jesus of the new testament. It is all about faith within our hearts as Romans 10:9 states, "believe in your heart", and no external religion will change the true word of God.
EYY

I'm finding that I'm not the most talented person on the planet! I wish I was so good at the things I am working on. I lack so much concentration because it's been a habit of me not wanting to stress it so much. The only good thing I truly have to offer is my faith in Jesus of the New Testament. It is mainly a testimony that we base our faith off of. The gospel is best understood by basically hearing those words and letting it stir our hearts. I'm not very structured at writing out sentences because I tend to get knocked out with figuring out where to begin.
EYY

If you can't beat them, then join them. I think that I'm not that very clever at sending out e-mails because I really have bugged a lot of people. That was pretty funny, how I sent like an e-mail and then had an idea of what everybody was up to. It was pretty neat to have some skill in writing. I know that when I'm at a confident state, then I can also become really stubborn and miss out on a lot of details. I think being stubborn is not a good trait for me to exhibit when I'm leading. I believe that I need to be able to convince others to go my way. I think a good leader is also very convincing about how plans are supposed to be made. I being tested positive as an emotional and organizational leader should become wholly dedicated to achieving a principle that is agreed upon by the majority. I mustn't be stubborn but yet be convincing enough to gather the majority, if it is ethical. It's only a matter of time that experience will be excruciatingly needed.
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Today, I post yet another blog for the sake of keeping up with my habit. My mind is not really tuned in well right now with reading this technical article. I also have been assigned some math homework. By the way, I'm taking three math classes this quarter and I'm ready to get drilled. I might end up exchanging one course with another class, if I can get into it. I'm looking at dropping Abstract Linear Algebra for Basic Set Theory because I sort of want a break. If not, then I'll stick with that hard abstract linear algebra course. I don't really want to impress people with my grades now. I just want to play it safe. I already have over 250 units over the last 5 years and I think that's impressive enough for an ungraduate record. I'm going to try to get Graph Theory or Intro. to Random Processes. I also need to take a government test to graduate this quarter. My plans are pretty much to go all out with everything good in working hard at mind, body, and spirit. For the mind, I basically want to study so freaking hard, pretty funny thinking those words. The body could use a tune-up and some extra inches so I can catch up with my other friends. I am currently below average with my height, so some people may believe that it's all because of genes. Not quite, I have arms and shoulders that match up pretty well with a lot of my taller friends. I also think that I have pretty big feet for a short guy. I've found a book on growing taller which pretty much says that you have to be healthy, sleeping enough, and eating right to grow. It guarantees added height for people up to the age 25. In some cases, even up to 30 as well. Or your money back! For the spirit, I need to raise some money to go to Cambodia, so that I could do some summer mission project there. I'm also planning to lead a Bible discussion group because I need to get a feel for how others are relating with life in their relationship with God.
EYY

Nothing very fancy, I did this using GIMP 2 which is a free software. The picture in back is me on that background. He looks very young, doesn't he? I think I look a little more handsome these days from exercising. I believe that I need to just get a little bit taller for better fellowshipping purposes. Seriously, I'm not part of this world and so I know that being a believer of Christ is going to make it worse. It's like a double whammy; being a guy who is short and also a full-time believer. It's pretty neat that I get to mourn a lot. With the shortness issue, I'm not going to stress it sometimes but I'm going to make myself taller because I see it as useful. Height is useful indeed, although not very necessary.

EYY

I believe that today I'm touching on the gray areas of humanity. Keeping in mind that word of mouth is how a lot of people function, I'm starting to see that my area of expertise is actually very limited. I have wasted a lot of time in the past and to become better at understanding how things are working in this world, I need to read up on the right things. I'm not actually the most perfect being who catches every single detail in my own life. I believe a huge blessing in my life has been the ability to have a heart to worship God the father and Jesus the Son from having faith that the spirit of truth is filling me. Reading the book of John has turned out to be a blessing. I'm finding that its contents are very encouraging in seeking after Christ. By honoring Christ, we are honoring the father. The miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead has served as evidence of placing trust that Jesus of Bethelem, part of Galilee, is the messiah. If you closely examine the contents of the book of John, then you'll realize the great love that God has for us. It says in John 10: 14-16 that Jesus is the good sheperd, and he lays down his life for the sheep. The sheep represents all who have put their faith in Christ. There are also the sheep who is not of Christ, but they'll listen to the word of God and will eventually become saved. John 14:23 shows that the prince of this world is against Christ. In John 15:19, believers are not part of this world; therefore, the world hates believers. It says in John 12:25, a man who loves his life will lose it [the worldly type], but the believer who is going to suffer through persecution has eternal life. The Son of Man's main request was for us to have good fellowship with one another through love being the main emphasis. John 15:12 tells us the Lord's command, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." If you look down to more verses, then you'll see that Christ considers believers as a friend. This is truly remarkable, the grace of God is very evident. We, having an evil-filled heart by acknowledging Romans 3:10-18, believers are justified as righteous by God in Romans 3:22. For God so loved this world that he gave his one and only son to die for this world. If you are in the midst of consideration with accepting the gospel at full pace, then please consider getting onboard the train of God's fruits.
EYY

I'm realizing that today I really want to focus on creating a pretty simple website for a computer club. Even though I don't possess a lot of talent in utilizing all this technology. I think I'm just going to use my own way of making things happen. What I plan to do is just create mainly a blogger with pictures on it and just keep it simple. I think the CS club is going to adopt minutes and get some people to come up with some fresh ideas for hanging out together. I believe that having speakers will be wonderful, but it's a long shot of that happening. I believe everything should coming down to heart now.
EYY

Today, I just came back from a nice trip of attending San Francisco and Yosemite. I mean it in a spiritual sense because there was not much going on by traveling by bus. I see some disadvantages of going on the bus tour, and I'm frankly glad that my parents didn't really resort to that in the US. For the spiritual aspects, I had some discussions with my travel companion and Christian brother Chris. We mainly conversed about our problems and rambled on about other things, like sibling problems, muslims, history, and prayer requests. Overall, it wasn't really that good but satisfying enough because I got to enjoy reading the Book of John on the bus. I also managed to get in a lot of sleep. Being able to talk to a lot of girls on the bus was pretty fun. I'm graduating next quarter, but not looking into marrying anytime soon. I do have this heightened sense of wanting to though. I made a promise not to get a girlfriend before I graduated to God. It pretty much helped in making the prayer because I didn't really feel a lot of torture after doing it. My body became immune to the thought of sad feelings that would lower my confidence completely if I hadn't made up my mind. As a result, I lost a lot of my emotional intelligence. I was a stunned bird without any will to soar higher than any other. God is the key to my treasure chest that sunk underneath the ocean with my emotions. I've managed to retrieve it and get it opened! My heart inside of me has developed into wanting to glorify him by loving others and being a dilligent kid.
EYY

Okay, today I'm starting to figure out that I do have a heart that longs for glorifying God. Going to a campus ministry has been a lot of fun, and it sometimes takes a lot of heart to stay with it. A few people are very dedicated to this evangelical purpose, and I truly believe that the best solution is to never lose hope, regardless of whatever doctrine that we choose to follow. A hope for a better tomorrow and living is so evident in this world. If we were to put Christ before us, then we will see a hope of seeing many nonbelievers turning into believers. This process is not as easy as it sounds to many evangelical ministers. It is obvious that God has gifted many well-known pastors throughout our generation.
EYY

Today, I find myself having a lot of important things to do. I need to make phone calls to my mom, friend, and recruiter. I am not able to log on to the school server to check my e-mails or register for classes because it says invalid password. I think I might have some problems with the registrar's office. I should wash up by taking a shower because I'm a mess at the moment. I also need to do the laundry because a whole tub of clothes are in there at the moment. I also have to pay for the apartment fees, which I blew off for a week because I put too much concentration on studying, writing, and school clubs. I'm an officer of Computer Science Society, aka CSS and a pretty good goer to Korean Campus Crusade for Christ meetings at Cal Poly Pomona. I've been told by Eric Somethawng (last name, unknown) that he's heard a lot of things about me, which makes me popular around my peers. I'm not very sure about that because I don't want to accept those ideas. I want to dedicate my life to Christ, without expecting anything special. I do it because it is absolutely the greatest privilege to be a part of and going for the ride which God so abundantly provides. It's all God's work, not mine. I'll be charged $25.00 extra for turning it in late my apartment fee. Throughout the break, I want to keep reading up on stuff and just keep it simple. Regardless of how I feel about staying focused on one topic, I have this feeling of urgency to get like too many things done. I'm not going to pay much attention to the things I'm reading, but just do it to see what I can pick up. I'm going to be working on things that I feel is important. I know that there is the LA Marathon this coming Sunday, which I need to run in with my parents. I haven't really trained for it lately because I'm going to take my time this year. I am also going to plan group outings of runners and dedicate myself to training for next year's marathon by starting out with shorter lengths of running. I am also planning to lead a group discussion of the biblical book of John, but I can't do it without reading anything about it!
EYY

Don't have much to write about, just have to take a final and get done with it. I have to take three finals on Monday. My classes are basically Differential Equations, Multivariable Calculus 1, and Operating Systems. They are undergraduate courses and don't seem to bad just that I'm a little pressed for time. I hope I'll do good enough to get an A in each course. I'm sure that I'm looking at a B average at the moment. Just have to try hard enough, hopefully things will go okay. I think I'm not really going to have a lot of sleep and that might be a bad factor. I hope everything will be fine. I think that placing God as my first priority is going to be a very good positive thing for me because it's going to give me some strength to stay up late.
EYY

It's pretty interesting to note that people are actually willing to drive all the way from UCLA to bow to me. I'm so little, but look older than everybody else. Gosh darn it, I want to look more little but look much younger than everybody else. I guess time flies by too quickly. I still have hope in growing taller to catch up with everybody else. I want to do those so I can at least look like that I have good hygiene. I also want to fellowship with other people a little better to glorify God. I could have better voice projection to those tall friends. Even without it, I believe that I can still look decent enough for a very tall wife. Regardless of height, I'm more into the personality aspect and more about being friends with the sister in Christ. I think I'm a lying scoundrel for saying that I'm never going to get married. I could also not be too. Finding discernment at this age is a wonderful blessing from God, hopefully I'm right, because I can actually now know what the true aspect of a conflict is in people. I remember blaming a lot of stuff on other things for problems that I conceived with these group of friends. I think I had a lot of worries and anxieties of doing the wrong things to offend people and let go of wonderful friendships. I was a little too emotionally attached when I was in the earlier parts of high school and elementary school. I was very inactive with my school work, as to how I feel because I used to procrastinate my little to nothing homework and watch TV all day. That was a total mind knock-over. I regret ever having done that. I didn't even budge to fix my hygiene of getting taller and washing my face. I do feel that I'm fortunate enough to pluck my hair out of my face and eye brows with my own fingers. I don't really feel a huge sensation of pain. I guess if a close female friend of yours says you'll look better if something is done, chances are she's right.
EYY

Yeesh, I just woke up right now and I'm finding myself in a very bad position right now. I haven't shown up the whole day to go out witnessing, and it looks like that I'm not in very good shape right now. I have several excuses for not having made it today, and I'm starting to realize that a good fellowship is something that this Cal Poly club lacks. It feels like people are totally struggling with their relationship in God. I just have feelings but I can't confirm these thoughts. A fellow KCCCer named Daniel (too many of them) said that he wants to feel God's presence and know what that relationship is about. I'm starting to see that the weakness in me is being generated by others. I have this sense of indifference in talking with everyone and that's how others are treating me also. I believe that despite my lack of hygiene (not being tall enough) and wearing glasses, I still need to make an effort in developing communication skills. The way for me to do this is to listen to what others are saying. I'm really glad that this blog is probably best understood only by me and that noone else besides God will ever understand what I'm trying to say here. The points that I am making, and the great efforts that I need to go after in studying is tough. I'm feeling a little guilty these days because I'm not really eating enough. I'm really focused on getting the good grades and not very in a fellowshipping mood right now. This is the last meeting for me and making that effort to show up is going to be tough. I believe in prayers and looks like I'm going to have spend some time in it from now on to late. I'm willing to go through the trials and burdens that get upon me just for the sake of God's family to get stronger in love and bonding. It's time to give all my effort, 24 7 for the glory of Christ.
EYY

Right To Defend America

There are several plans in the course of action that I would like to take. My dad is looking for someone like me, a well-educated son to help run some things in the business. I have expressed a desire in pursuing after an MBA and after a master's and Ph. D in CS. I sound pretty crazy right now because I also want to glorify God by joining the army. My sister and mom have said God doesn't like wars. It is okay to defend ourselves. If a criminal were to take away a life of a stranger who we love, then it would be strange to say that God doesn't want us to have a police man engage in a legal act of killing to protect this society. It is God-permissible to defend ourselves out of love for the people in this country. We should allow these types of daily conflicts to be settled by God, who calls law enforcers and even the combatants in Iraq to serve for His plan of defeating our enemies. I'm not agreeing to putting ourselves willingly, but only in these moments where we are enabled by power of God's spirit to defend our fellow countrymen.
EYY

Subtle Insults of Myself

A few e-mails feel really haunting. I've lived a social life of doing the best that I can and receiving unpredictable results. I'm starting to see people's hearts a little more clearly these days than I used to because I have refused to think back then, referring to my K-12 schooling period. It's really sad to figure out that my mom's main hope in working so hard was for me. I never knew that my mom could be so mad by being exhausted and be sarcastic in an abusive tone. It really hurt me to grow up with a few of those pains. I really had moments of wanting to please my mom by trying so hard and just not doing well enough to bring myself satisfaction. I remember having to battle with my inner being of balancing play vs. work. I went against my own moral judgement of playing enough and became worn out with studying. I think I exhibited this character because I wasn't naturally gifted at withstanding long periods of doing tedious work. I do recall having so much fun when I played games and sports with people. I didn't necessarily have the best physical shape because I took it literally in eating a lot as a kid. It became a passion for me to eat a lot, and I worried a few food preparers at parties by the amount of food I was taking. I became encouraged to eat so much food. I hardly thought about my health back then and I became really chubby. I became slower with my efforts of wanting to exercise because of all that unnecessary added weight and could have amounted to putting so much stress on my body that I stayed shorter than everybody else. That's pretty odd in that I would actually be the one to eat an abnormal amount of food and be so big on the waist like a 30 year old, regular size man would have at the age of thirteen. I weighed in at 180 pounds and was 4 ft 11 at the time. I was legally handicapped with an adult's weight at this age. Boy was I also showing off so much unconfidence because I thought that was the best thing for people to do. I believe I faked it so much by restraining myself that I actually convinced myself that I was always a quiet person. I really wasn't a quiet person because I remember asking so many questions to a friend who just said to shut up by telling me "I don't know". I remember having my heart-broken and that isn't good at all. I recall being in a depressed state and making people laugh with the stuff I was talking about. That's really wierd how I convinced myself that things weren't all right. Coming to this state of mind, I'm not too sure what to expect out of it. Things have been going pretty smoothly for me and now I see disruptions and a comfort zone that's dissipating. I'm starting to notice that I lack so much in discipline and randomly just saying this.
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Today's Diary Report

Today, it's one of those days where I feel a little down because I'm not living up to what I truly want. I've been sick and complained about it to myself so much that I missed some classes at Cal Poly. I'm taking only 12 units so I don't see myself falling very behind. Not to mention, that I'm repeating one course and taking two math classes which are progressing for me pretty well. Getting back to what I want, I feel a little disappointed at myself because I have scorn for my funny actions. I'm very well getting impressed with this year's group of officers because the major changes are happening. Having a meeting on Mondays has been largely successful because of its lack of scheduling conflict with other students. I remember doing nothing last year, so there's not much credit I can give myself. I was under the spell of wanting to play computer games, silly me and not realizing the amount of time I was passing up to actually be able to focus on my coursework. I've had to learn several lessons, which are based on tweaking my academic performances by first learning to have the right amount of patience for achieving knowledge. I've also finally managed to agree with myself that attending classes are really important because you get to have a highlight of the day at the very minimal standard. My parents have already begun thinking highly of me and so worry about my future after the army. They talk about an age gap with other competitors, but I personally see it as a refuge to grow bigger by using my desires from natural tendencies. I see that a lot of things are made implicit and that feelings can sometimes cause one to panic enough to actually shed from the hard truth of living out a desirably good experience.
EYY

Moment of Imagerial Recollection

I'm starting to realize these days that intuition doesn't always come with expectations of looking for it at the right moment of time. All of this world seems to be dwelled in by a loving force that captivates individuals by their own will or natural selection from this invisible goodness. It is true that everyone doesn't always live a happy life of wanting to do everything easy and being filled to the utmost and having that cup filled to the very rim of it and enlarged for further satisfaction. All of us have been given a gift from this most gracious circle because of our natural predestination to incline to the dark pits of failure. When I look at individuals, I see a sense of a lighted being wanting to provide them with all of their needs and being wholy challenged in trying to mold them in the perfect and best form. For example, using me as an illustration, I have grown up to be the most insignificant person that I have ever imagined to be. I've continuously lived this empty life filled with emotions of desperation, lust, sorrows, guilt, and deep despair. I disabled myself by practicing cult-like rituals that distracted me from gathering fruits for my family and loved ones. By practicing the deceptive art of not being caught by my parents, I was only hurting myself by clinging on to this security blanket. It is too devestating for me to reveal to women who are precious souls to the living God, equivalently with men. I find that my way of past practices have led me to a doomed path of repetitious sadness and willful rebellion against the natural calls of truth, justice, and righteousness. I was nothing but a clanging piece of gong who acted like nothing was wrong because of my need to cling on to encouragement of good people. Yes, I have a tainted heart filled with evil and find that solving problems is the thing that I like to do for myself. I've had a period of drought in the actions of encouraging others when I was given a calling to do so. My emotions sank underneath the ocean on a treasure chest and out of principle, I'm working eventually at retrieving the chest, finding the perfect locksmith, and sorting out those past treasures that I have defiantly let go of.
EYY