Problems

I'm guessing everyone goes through minor problems with life, such as getting up for work and trying to get to bed. Having to deal with stress drags because it really doesn't complement a productive lifestyle. It is more like from being overwhelmed by something. The greatest example in my life with a person who tries to cope with stress unsuccessfully is my sister. She seems to be very wierd to the most minor detail in anything I do. One day, she becomes stressed out about my effortful driving and other days, she feels I insulted her friends by saying nothing related to them. She has had a few life-altering situations, but not to a great degree as others share. I really love my sister, but she hates being hugged. I face a few obstacles as well and that is finishing tough tasks, while following up with a good pace. What I mean by this is, I hate always procrastinating. I intend to fix my habits by praying to God and hoping for the best. I would love to teach other struggling CS students, but I can't do this if I am struggling myself. Sometimes, the project specifications given by a professor can become a little vague. It could be from having a weak background in reading or lack of sleep. Overcoming problems require reasonable explanations. I am not the greatest person in this world and struggle everyday with my worst sins. I lust for breaking away with God and have the freedom of not adhering to His plan. The worst thing I have ever done in life is looking at pornography at a very young age, which became a habit for me. I remember I was responsible for sharing the pornographic material with my other friends. I have a lot of guilt and grief for doing this and distracting myself from being right with the Lord. I could not have overcame this sin by my own efforts. I needed the Holy Spirit to guide me away from this. The things I looked at were never authentic and real in life, and this absolutely almost brought me down. From struggling with my sins, I also was not able to manage a club. I was under a lot of stress and had anxiety attacks. I was afraid of my worst enemy, which is myself. I used to have feelings of wanting to destroy myself, but overcame these things by understanding the situation. These thoughts developed from high school. I never fully recovered until I gained confidence. Finding a renewed belief in Christ caused me ultimate joy. I am now at the issue of whether I should be married or not. Marriage to me is something people do to express mainly love for each other; hopefully, it is not fake love. I do not have a problem with the idea of getting married because I intend to keep the house clean, take out the trash which I love doing when I'm mad, communicate things, and help some chores if any little Mr. Earl Yoo or Mrs. Earl Yoo ones pop up. I have not fully decided about getting married yet. My mom keeps telling me the reason is because I have not fallen in love with the right woman. I have no clue what the future is about, and this could be a bad thing if I am not careful. What I mean is, I don't want to get into another car accident or stressful situation. One thing leads to another, and all I can really do is pray and hope for the best. Understanding situations are sometimes not an easy thing to do, especially if you are not prepared for it. It's life, I suppose. Doing the right stuff is easy to talk about, but actually doing the work becomes tough. That is why people should stay away from the wrong motive and wrong source of power. People's sins have also affected a country's economy. The European culture has some bad taste by encouraging alcoholic beverages and cigarettes to be bought by a younger crowd. This effect will create a crowd with limited brain power because the values are most centered with having desires fed. If the desire than becomes lust, it starts to hook and becomes like the highlight of someone's life. In general terms, lust can inspire a lack of productivity. I oppose lust but still get tempted by it. My belief in God is not about finding an achievement but more about justifying my faith in the Bible.

Life

It's Act 1 all over again. My writing style is unattended by noone. Not including me and no Word document is going to break my natural spirit of writing. I am using Notepad, which is the most simple text document and of course, monotonous piece of equipment for writing an autobiography. I do not really care anymore about what people claim bad stuff about me for. I got into a fight with HK Liu, a professor who will make your life miserable just for saying something you felt like saying. I said I was going to beat him in court. He became a mad monster, so mad that he became speechless and a cat got stuck in his mouth as well. I am saying harsh things about him because I believe he is the mole of the CS Department. He can't handle a lot of nonsensical and boring words from an angry student. I became angry because I felt a sense of unfairness. Don't get me wrong because it has been a natural phenomenon for graduate students who looked to him for advice. He gives careless advice and doesn't seem to care a whole lot about people say. I think he felt like I was going to kill him or threaten his tenured status. Some wierd thing like that. I became sensitive to the issue of hurting HK's feelings. He does not exhibit the traits I thought about anymore. He likes to be rattled on with common sense. I eventually managed to write some bad e-mails favoring my side to the maximum amount. It in fact is the best e-mails I have ever written for myself. I can't say how much I love to read or hear about Jesus Christ. The Bible is best source of inspiration for everyone. True, it's an opinion- I don't have much backing yet. I must be idiotic in some way to not to chase after my inspiration, according to my feelings. I don't understand every mystery in this life. I am not even afraid if this autobiography doesn't become a hit.
I have written a lot over the past, which allowed me to foster into an anything writer. I can pretty much naturally feel the words coming out of my brain and mouth. It is more like a state of being for me. It really feels good to be confident about something and then going after something you never really intended to do, which benefits your ownself. Prayer has allowed me to think about others and to hope for the best out of them. I even prayed for HK Liu, despite him being the biggest arch enemy to ever have lived. He yelled at me, of all people HK Liu actually yells. HK Liu is like this blah blah Mr. Scrooge who loves to keep knowledge to himself. He like just sits there like a confused book worm in his office and tries to relearn material he never even felt like reading.
Compromising situations in life have made me to be left in a largely disorderly fashion. I still have to go back and read up on the stuff I wrote because I have to admit that I am not perfect. I need to make sure I am making some whimsical sense; otherwise, I am going to lose a crowd of at least one person, which is me. I am pretty much the audience that attends to this text; otherwise, some people actually find this work to be rather interesting. Maybe I should submit this piece to psychologists and even psychology majors, so that they will have not a lot of fun and enjoy making fun of me to the maximum level.
Being a student is perhaps one of the greatest experiences a person can go through. Learning about neat things is a blessing. Being a person at the age of 22, I can obviously talk a lot about what has gone through my brain and body. A lot of taunting memories still stick with me. As an example, I would have nightmares of vampires attacking me because I used to be very frightened by the image.
I then became exposed to reading and learning at a newer level. As my friend Joel puts it, I'm sort of rolling along. I achieved this feat after taking a graduate course and trying very hard in it. At the time of this writing, I would have been a CS undergrad student. The graduate course I took is network security, which is pretty much about encrypting and decrypting messages. I learned about more math concepts and programmed a lot more than what I am used to. I felt like a hacker for a while. I created a program that validates credit cards and applies a RSA algorithm, which is the strongest security architecture today.

My Free Writings and Table Of Contents

I. Life
II. Problems
III. Catching up with life
IV. Club essentials
V. Bantering opinions
VI. My reasons for mood swings
VII. Necessary details
VIII. Purpose for reading this
IX. Intentions
X. Projects
XI. Computer Magazines
XII. L.A. Times CS Coverage
XIII. Getting taught by Rich
XIV. Dismantling HK Liu's logic
XV. Staying mad at roommate
XVI. Mad at Srinivas
XVII. Mad at myself
XVIII. Mad at people who didn't show up
XIX. Becoming smarter
XX. Why reading my writing is hard
XXI. Summer Quarter
XXII. Fall Quarter
XXIII. Spring Quarter
XXIV. Importance for dedication
XXV. How you can help
XXVI. My purpose of writing
XXVII. An example of my wonderful poem
XXVIII. Who isn't doing what
XXIX. Intolerable issues I have
XXX. Apologies for being intolerant
XXXI. Catchy phrases
XXXII. Why I academically sucked
XXXIII. Why first impressions are useful
XXXIV. Why the concept of God and Jesus Christ is important
XXXV. Buying a computer
XXXVI. Finding information about computer parts
XXXVII. Dissing Microsoft
XXXVIII. Installing a new operating system
XXXIX. Enjoying a new operating system
XXXX. CSS Politics
XXXXI. Why I write
XXXXII. Why I play the piano
XXXXIII. Why I play magic
XXXXIV. Why I play Texas Hold Em'
XXXXV. Why I stink at Chess
XXXXVI. Why I should do a revision
XXXXVII. Why I became sarcastic
XXXXVIII. Close friends from CSS
XXXXIX. Why you could't get involved
XXXXX. What CS majors used to think about me
XXXXXI. My longing for a smart and nice wife
XXXXXII. My past deadly sins
XXXXXIII. Why I used to hold back
XXXXXIV. Fun with basketball
XXXXXV. Understanding the fun factor in sports
XXXXXVI. Having fun with writing
XXXXXVII. The necessity of reading
XXXXXVIII. The annoyances of watching TV
XXXXXIX. The power of time
XXXXXX. My theory of being interested
XXXXXXI. My falling apart speeches
XXXXXXII. The lack of easy going simple-minded talks with girls
XXXXXXIII. The wierdness of taking Women's Studies 441
XXXXXXIV. The wonderfulness of taking a hacker's course
XXXXXXV. The wierdness of my past flyers
XXXXXXVI. People's ability to trash knowledge and attend meetings
XXXXXXVII. My lack of faith in some people
XXXXXXVIII. My lack of hope in some people
XXXXXXIX. Why bantering some people is funny to me
XXXXXXX. How I became closer with my sister
XXXXXXXI. My theory of randomness
XXXXXXXII. The joys of laughing
XXXXXXXIII. My right way of killing time
XXXXXXXIV. The negatives of wearing out
XXXXXXXV. The usefulness of being angry
XXXXXXXVI. How I really try not to show off
XXXXXXXVII. Trying to be funny is like showing off to my former roommate
XXXXXXXVIII. What I do to motivate people
XXXXXXXIX. Why my image is important to me
XXXXXXXX. What I plan to become from being CSS president
XXXXXXXXI. What I do to make myself look good with writing
XXXXXXXXII. The essence of showing hard work
XXXXXXXXIII. The concept of finding an ends
XXXXXXXXIV. The problem of never being able to finish
XXXXXXXXV. My scope of things
XXXXXXXXVI. The things I wish to accomplish
XXXXXXXXVII. What this work made me be successful at
XXXXXXXXVIII. The acknowledgable jealousies and my pity for them
XXXXXXXXIX. What I think makes me become most successful in life
XXXXXXXXX. My wonderful past
XXXXXXXXXI. The autobiography factors that juice writers up
XXXXXXXXXII. What I was thinking about judging people
XXXXXXXXXIII. Why I can't finish
XXXXXXXXXIV. The seemingly never ending life in relation to Induction Principle
XXXXXXXXXV. The background of my philosophy
XXXXXXXXXVI. The background of my writing
XXXXXXXXXVII. The background of my programming
XXXXXXXXXVIII. Where I lacked the most at
XXXXXXXXXIX. What I did to pick up on things I wanted to do
XXXXXXXXXX. Why life becomes so meaningless sometimes
XXXXXXXXXXI. What I have to do to fix my writing skills
XXXXXXXXXXII. The interesting phenomenas in my personal life
XXXXXXXXXXIII. Why I really don't like movies anymore
XXXXXXXXXXIV. The post-feelings of being addicted
XXXXXXXXXXV. How I should finish this book
XXXXXXXXXXVI. The more necessary topics I can think of
XXXXXXXXXXVII. The probability of brainstorming out of nothing
XXXXXXXXXXVIII. The usefulness of writing poetry
XXXXXXXXXXIX. My background of being creative
XXXXXXXXXXX. The usefulness of having a great laugh
XXXXXXXXXXXI. The greatness in being good at something
CXI. The abnormalities of writing too much
CXII. The interesting things that come from just thinking about what you want to do
CXIII. The things I will never understand with people
CXIV. My scopes that define my academic strengths
CXV. My toughest times
CXVI. The funniness in how people go from being happy to regretful
CXVII. Why I never wanted to end my life
CXVIII. What I think makes people jealous
CXIX. Why I am siding with the conceived good things in life
CXX. Why CSS is a good thing to me
CXXI. Why I wrote a lot
CXXII. Why I think so much and abuse it sometimes
CXXIII. The most embarrassing moments in my life
CXXIV. Why I used to feel people called me a jerk
CXXV. The undeniable necessities in life
CXXVI. The close to perfection from becoming automatic in anything
CXXVII. The undiscoverable element to finishing anything
CXXVIII. The paradoxes of being satisfied vs. finishing
CXXIX. What makes people tick?
CXXX. What makes people motivated enough to finish something?
CXXXI. The undiscoverable boundaries from not asking life's mysteries
CXXXII. The power of hope
CXXXIII. The grief of loss
CXXXIV. The hardness of not being able to know other's difficulties
CXXXV. The true harsh world of trying to care for everyone
CXXXVI. My reasoning behind caring
CXXXVII. Closing to a paradox
CXXXVIII. Life worth fighting for

Car Accident Proposal

I truly feel that I have to pay up the victim's car that I have bumped into. The funny thing is that the guy told me that he was thinking about filing a police report. The whole thing has taken over a year now, and I don't really feel right for having tried to ignore it. I basically became intimidated by the victim's wife who has yelled at me and then acted nice. This is what really has scared me, and I think I just thought I could have left it out of my system. I never really have checked my messages, and I have been hoping that they would have written me a letter of some sort but I guess that is wrong to do that.

I pretty much want to pay up the minimal amount, and I believe that I'm actually in luck this time because I have found the auto body shop advocated by a city chamber of commerce. They are offering VIP cards at the moment for West Covina Body Shop. The victim I have spoke with has said that he does not feel comfortable with the job they have done, and it's only one instance. Mathematically speaking, as long as it gets the job done, and you don't go back to make a huge complaint everything has to be alright. I need to ask if the guy has made any complaints to this place, just to see if there's a logical leak of how he feels they haven't gotten the job done.

It seems a little selfish on their part, and I think for my side I'm dealing with a win-win situation. I totally sympathize with him because I know how it's like to have someone own a suburban. I would be personally distraught myself. I think I'm not going to pay up with the middle-of-the-road feature this time because it doesn't make any plain legal and logical sense. I have admitted that I made a fault, and I'm not going to look for another company with a smaller price. I don't care if they yell at me or call me bad names now. I am just being plain smart about this whole issue, and I'm not going to feel dumb for the rest of life for having made a stupid mistake of coughing up more than I should.

The only aspect that I may have to propose is to go through an arbitration settlement. I think this is where they may see that I will have the edge because I'm willing to at least pay the minimum amount. An arbitrator may see that I have a good case as well, knowing that this business will do a great job, and they won't even need to show their face at this meeting.

I'm not quite too sure why I have waited so long to come to my senses. I think it's been the work of God to make everything possible for me. I have tried to call up a brother in Christ again, who I have separated from because I have been looking for his help, but he has not picked up the phone. It's pretty much one of those days. I think I will try a lot harder to get to know the Lord a lot better. I think I should join a church and do some more Bible studies so I can fellowship a lot more.

Club Website has amazing potential

I never thought I would see this day to come because I have never dreamed of the site I would create. It's an art of course because you take all these gritty little details into account to make a visual for others to enjoy or be aided for using. It's been a lot of fun to develop a website and to take a look at making some perl scripts work. I think it's been the hard work that's made me keep going. When I see a flaw, I will take mental note and try to fix it later.

It's a sense of enjoyment and having fun but it's not good to focus on this the whole time for me. The website is found at http://www.csupomona.edu/~css. I think I've spent a lot of hours on it, like it's my secondary job. I'm not mainly targeting on people to show up because I don't want to feel the pain that I once had as a president. I'm more on having unity and fixing up my problems into a bigger improvement.

Over the past years, I've enjoyed doing the wrong things and alienating myself from people. Recently, I've joined KCCC where a lot of Korean Christians get together and we have done a Sports Day already. A big highlight is that I helped out the club by playing pair-soccer. It's a game where you have to hold a girl by the hand, and of course I am a guy. It's been fun hanging around with Korean brothers and sisters in Christ. I feel a lot more normal because there are a lot of them around California.

I've digressed partly about my life of walking with the Lord Jesus Christ. I think it's funny to pronounce Jesus with hey zeus. That's why I'm referring to Jesus Christ as Christ or Lord or even Gee Sus sometimes. Alright, I don't think it really matters after all how I mention His name as long as it's correct to the consensus.

This site is underground pretty much because literarily no one is really going to check out this site. I think Google has a way of letting so much better sites shine before me. I'm just trying to keep my mind straight. As of right now, I'm enjoying some good times. I'm glad for having spiritual things that I've never really asked for. It brings me tears of joy to figure that God is not caving down on me and forcing me to do things that I'm not quite ready for yet. I mean it as in going out and preaching His word. I still have yet to learn to understand this Bible, and I think it will be a great start by joing a good ministry like Calvary Chapel Golden Springs, Diamond Bar CA.

Writing and checking up on definitions of words has been a key factor, along with my writing. I think these three aspects have made it more easier on my life of studying harder. It's like I'm studying a lot but not really feeling the pain and enjoying it more. I believe that I'm not smart because I don't always get everything done correctly. It feels good at the moment to finish things, even with the smallest tasks and then you forget them. That's pretty funny. I need to get back to finishing up my project. I'm going to attend church and bring my laptop with me, hopefully no one will stare at me all funny in the bus or try to stalk me. Since I'm a guy and have some history of Tae Kwon Do, I think I can get by with bad people momentarily before I get finished! How I think is that, if a bad man is going to hurt me then I will give him one blow that will hurt him before I go down.

Explanation for CS Jobs

People have decided to not to take the Computer Science major for some reason. I've been asked about the current job market dealing with programmers losing jobs. Here's my explanation:

Companies want to cut down on costs as good as possible because their main economic reason is to make profits. By hiring employees overseas, they can expect their dues to be smaller. It is largely because countries outside the US tend to have a lower standard of living. For example, a lot of Chinese middle-class workers have income at the rate of working-class Americans, if not mistaken by a PBS film. India has become a nefarious country to mention by computer scientists because it's been ridiculed by students (I can laugh it off, now). These international employees are happy with the payments they receive so it is a win-win situation for both parties. The programming is pretty much a job that should be done with no pay because it is mainly for the enjoyment that one should do it. I don't think computer science is that important of a field or even near it because I see pastors have a lot greater task. I just do it because I do.

8-puzzle Programming Project

Today, I am going to start some work on a project for my school. It deals with programming an 8-puzzle. This is a game where there are 8 numbers, and you have to line it up to make the correct order. It's doesn't seem that difficult because I have all the notes I need to help me accomplish this task. I'm going to try to summarize and review my notes for this post. I feel that I can do a lot better, if I can write it out first and in a way, this is my way of communicating to the world in a small way.

It applies to me that the best way to be able to solve any riddle is to be able to look at all the possible solutions. The computer is designed to do this very efficiently, if it's done right. There are two types of searches that the teacher wants us to use. The first is breadth-first search and the other is depth-first search. These types of searches are best explained with an animation, as I have mentioned on my club forum. The forum is on http://www.csupomona.edu/~css. The animations are found by searching with 'DFS' and 'BFS' queries on google. You'll find a school site that outlines these searches very well. The third thing I have had to review is the manhattan distance. The manhattan distance is basically defined with two points (x1,y1) and (x2,y2) as x1-x2+y1-y2. That's pretty much it, and what it does is measure two points in right angles. It can be found in math world, by searching for it on google as well. The manhattan distance and the number of wrong places are going to be used as separate heuristic functions.

Thirdly, the AI class with Dr. P has emphasized graph search algorithm. There are two sets in this algorithm. The first is OPEN and the other is CLOSED. Initally O (open) has a starting node s and CLOSED is empty. The objective of this algorithm is to find the finish node f. For example, think of a graph G as a one-directional tree with the definition G=(V,E). V is its nodes and E is its edges. I'll try to make a stupid diagram of it here:
S--------

a -- b

c d F

For this diagram, S is the starting point. In a BFS algorithm, it travels by going to all the levels of its children, recursively. So the answer is Sabcde. The DFS occurs by reaching the farthest node as possible that's to the left in our assumption. So the answer is Sacdeb.

Now it's back to the GSA (graph search). Let's refresh with remember O for open set and C for closed set. O = {S} and C={} (empty). The steps are defined here:

1. If O is empty return FAIL otherwise choose a node n from O.
2. Remove n from O, create the set S of all its children and add n to closed.
4. For each m is an element of S, if m is not on O or C, then add n to set O.

Okay, this seems a little complicated. I'm going to apply an example of the stupid graph I outlined. S is the starting node on it. Following step 2, we remove S from O and create a set = {a,b} and place S on set C (closed). We know that a,b has still not been searched so we put both on O, according to step 3. O = {a,b}.

We remove a and create the set = {c,d,e} and place a on C. C={a,S}. Following step 3, O={c,d,F,b}. We can't forget about b. Each of these nodes now get examined until we get to finishing node F, which means we're done.

To do a BFS algorithm using graph search, simply make the new nodes from step 2 in back of O (open). So with O={a,b}. We make O={b,c,d,F} and C={a}. This gets us to the children of each node with earlier priority. That's an easy proof to understand. To do a DFS we do just the opposite by making the new nodes in front of O. Using O={a,b} again, O={c,d,F,b}. This gets us to the furthest node starting with the left of each child as early as possible. Again this is easy to see.

--------------------------The meat -----------------------------------
This is a funny section that I decided to create to talk about the project implementation.

An 8-puzzle looks like this, I'll a-i represent any number of the range, 1-8 but each number cannot be used twice. There is also one empty space so the numbers can shift.

a b c
----------
h i d
----------
g f e


As you can see, this reminds you of Tic-Tac-Toe. The exhaustive method is to now write out all the possible combinations, this means 9! = 362,880. I don't know about you but I got a life to take care of and serving the Lord Christ to actually to do this meaningless thing. Fortunately, someone from class has made it possible by proposing that we use the empty space to duke this problem out. This means that we don't get to see the result right away before the answer comes out. This is how a lot of programming problems are like!

The empty space allows to create children for a BFS (breath) or DFS( depth) algorithm by interchanging numbers back and forth. I am going to symbolize the directions with the letters UDLR which represent each of the four directions using the first letter respectively. Using the diagram I have used that represents 8-puzzle, I'm going to define how the numbers should be interchanged for each letter. Let me draw this out again.

a b c
h i d
g f e

a= DR
b= LDR
c= LD
d=ULD
e=LU
f=LUR
g=UR
h=URD
i=LUDR

Fair enough, 8 possible things to keep looking beats 9! ! Digressing player 2 will never win at tic-tac-toe if the first player plays right by placing that X in the center. There are more combinations as i represents. It's one of those games where an extra letter on a limited space can help, giving the aggressor the edge. The chicken that never loses at Tic-Tac-Toe probably always goes first! Don't be a chicken brain and lose to it.

I have laid out the foundation for myself, and good luck to me to get this project finished. The theories seem pretty easy to grasp, and it's now the programming part that kills like 80% of the population.

Good stuff

I feel that I've been writing a lot because it makes it seem that I really haven't. I've written about 50 posts now and that makes about 250 paragraphs for me, and I still feel that I'm not sufficient enough to reach a goal that I've forgotten already. I think living a life of feeling-based moments is not the proper way to do it for a dude. I don't quite know how women manage to live with all these emotions stuck in their brain all the time. I think they need someone to take care of them very well, and I'm willing to bet that someone who doesn't act stupid or lies all the time is going to get their needs from the almighty.

I recall hearing a statement of how a Christian woman thinks she is going to marry a buck-tooth hill billy from the state of Kansas. Let's pause and close our eyes for the moment to laugh this one out. The attitude is very important, and I think skill is also required. We all have different skills, and I think by having pride it's not going to make our lives any easier. By having pride, I think if you truly want to reach after something, it's going to get a little harder down the road especially if you haven't reached it already. It's pretty stupid to have pride right before you obtain a goal. It means you are going to stop and have some fun eloping or doing whatever drugs that will kill your brain cells. I'm just joking crudely of course. I'm not really the type to judge people, but when I come face to face with them in some point of life with a particular action then I will not hesitate to judge them.

I'm a little different for some reason when I get angry. I don't know what it is about me that doesn't want me to kill someone or strangle them. The bad stuff like that. I think it's more like I think it's a bigger punishment for them to be living at the moment. I think if they live a really long time, then they will hate being victimized by an angry person routinely. I have victimized a fellow professor when I became angry at him. I'm sure he got the point, but in a largely inappropriate way because I lost my cool at him. It's more like I lost it but I've been trained to not to use the common F-S-B-D-M words because I'm not cool with saying those types of things around people. Even in my writing, I don't like to see it personally so when I do write stuff like that I'll eventually go around to deleting it or just censoring it. That's what I like about myself, and I think when I get mad for a long period, I can really develop into a more bigger hunter of something.

What I like when for me to become angry is that when I truly think it is the opposition's fault and not entirely mine. I guess it takes me awhile to see it's my fault. I still think to this day that it was the professor's fault for acting like a kid who wants to destroy a student's future and dreams. This professor has been acting rather nasty off the mark as way because I have largely affected him of his view of students. He's been accustomed to people who have argued with him and have possibly threatened him. I have not known this type of experience because it feels ridiculous for a professor to even care about these type of things.

I'm not too good with expressing constructive criticisms, and I think it's mostly not in my intentions to do that. Maybe I'm inventing stuff that people have used already when I start trying to victimize someone with my anger. My anger has really made me more blatant at times than unusual. I think it can show very well with my writing. I will have stopped here but I think I'll extend my writing period to a little longer because I'm actually getting a point, now.

My anger makes me feel good and righteous sometimes. I'm not too sure if this is a right way of feeling or not. I think I've been advised to not to be angry as possible. I'm not too sure about myself and what I'm aiming at is that I do know myself enough to say that comparatively with others, I think I can keep my cool with situations that revolve around doing whatever. I have been thinking about it and comparing with my sister. My sister is so wierd sometimes, and I think I have gotten to know her a lot better these days. She acts really nice, and I have used to think her voice was really cute. It has made feel a little jealous. Now, it sounds very funny and her laughter is very funny too. It's her same voice still.

My close high school friend feels the same way, and he still likes her or doesn't. There is a very sad event that I recall with my sister. I have been a part of her life, and I could have at one point been blamed for all of her relationships or mishaps that involves me and has made her feel unhappy. I have pretty much been a scapegoat in a literary sense. I don't really care about it because I have long forgotten on caring about this issue. I don't know how my sister is going to be like in the near distant future. I can only hope for the best that she will tempt me in envying her in some fashion. I'm not too big on money, I think as compared to someone who wants to make a million dollars as soon as possible.

It's really trippy with the things of this world of how I'm not supposed to desire anything of it. Sciences are something that has been putting me to some interest. It's like reading the Bible. I'm pretty much trying to read two Bibles. Make that a supplement to the actual Bible. I think I've been spending so much time on reading supplemental material, rather than the Bible. I don't really know what's making me tick. It must be an inner driven though to do things motivationally. Everyone gets worn out, and it's during that time frame that we either continue or quit at something. I think those moments are what really shape a person to be someone they are supposed to be. Actually, more like what they want to be.

It's crazy how I have faults that I can relate to with other people. I then feel like not being that forgiving about it with others. I think I can't lighten up all the time. I'm not too sure what's making me go to classes in shaping up to be something that I'm supposed to be. I want to be a better individual who can undertstand better substances. It's funny to think that an English major thinks very subjectively sometimes and only to waste their time on reading insolently boring books!

I guess I've grown up being an outcast and wanting to study people in a way that I would find a missing link. Caring is pretty tough to forget about when one doesn't try to distract himself with other things. It's like the material is all there and having to go search it somewhere else is very stupid. I guess I suck sometimes. I don't mind being a very poor individual at something I'm trying to accomplish for some period. There's a girl with dark-skin who has been eyeing me for some time in all the classes I've had with her. I remember feeling like crying when I was thinking about approaching a girl to ask them out or something. It's an inner emotion that I've locked up now. I'm now not really feeling anything, and I don't know if I'm supposed to do something when I see something.

This is a very sick topic, called masturbation. It's a little funny underneath but outside it's inappropriate. It all depends on the situation that one is at. That is how I see it when someone says he is going to go jump off a high building, land in a pool, end up hurting himself, and actually that's not funny. I think masturbation is a funny word, and I don't like to bring it up in real-live conversations because that's pretty much all I've really been affiliated with as the highlight of my life. It's wierd to make the penis an idol over Jesus Christ, and it's perverted absoultely. That's been my sin all this time. It's just a worthless piece of matter that's larger than someone elses. Okay, that's a little prideful but I'm glad because I don't have to want to make it larger. It's pointless to be prideful about the penis or not. In some cases, it is because it can make one go out and be more sexually illicit and then, that's not very good to think about.

I will have liked to obey God from the beginning, just as Adam and Eve has had their chances. The apple of good and evil has spread through humanity. I will have preferred to go back, but there isn't any. God has totally designed us to be free-willed machines that can surpass anything on Earth because of our creative minds. As a Psalms says, God has inscribed in the hearts of men, the Law of the Lord. Looks like I'm a man now. The question is if I decide to make that leap towards God and from what angle should it be? I've been wanting to do it but there is no doing if it's just wanting. This reminds me that I think a guy is pretty dumb. I'm thinking he's like an idiot because he doesn't want to study textbooks. He has acted a little prideful by saying that everything stays in his head once he learns and then he starts cursing at his small restuarant that seems to be hanging on the edges because of even more stupid customers.

I don't think I'd like to feel that I'm a stupid customer. I'm not too good with details and that's like my complaint. I think that's what makes me feel demotivated by thinking negatively. I think there a lot of other factors to use when learning. Learning is very complicated, and I know that no one has came up with a perfect model yet to show how it is done. I'm sure you can describe states just as many researchers do. Science does not seem like a big thing and sometimes it could be by blending it in with art. I think science and art are two combinations that work really well together when it is used properly. Take for instance, Da Vinci. This guy has drawn a lot of scientific paintings and probably has enjoyed looking at some cadavers of some sort. I have wanted to use a curse word in that sentence by replacing sort, but I think I'll refrain from doing that.

I think I feel like I'm wasting my time right now but I still have inner drive to keep going. It's like Newton's Laws. Anything that stays in motion tends to stay in motion. I think it's bad to stop at somethings at a particular moment of time. For the Bible, one shouldn't have to give up at it at some period just after finding one discouragement or not feeling like it. It's like quitting classes when you don't feel like it. It's pretty wierd to think this way because it doesn't seem to be funner in a sense. I think I've been brought up a lot into thinking about the consensus. Of what the majority believes I right and so it makes it seem a lot better when I see a lot of Chrisitans gathered together, including me at a convention. It feels a lot better and makes life seem a lot easier to go about it for sharing what there needs to be done.

I don't know if this is an obsession or not with my writing, but I'm so limited with my vocabulary. I haven't used any words that requiring a lot of double-checking with a dictionary. I have used a thesaurus before and made people go "huh" to my papers. I think I have not understood how to write very darn clear papers and to actually like for a long period of time. I'm not that great at writing either. I'm not going to be able to bring in some fun elements that people can use to enjoy their life with. I'm just not the very best at everything, and I think my main weakness is showing pride when I'm not supposed to.

Greatest Club Revival in my life

It may seem not that big of a deal, but I have ran a club where no one has showed up in some week. I know that it has happened because the day has been just too bad to attend to. For example, people are doing projects on Tuesday or Thursday. What I have done instead is that I moved it to Mondays. It has become a success, largely because of a popular club advisor, who hasn't been around from last year. I think a lot of people were pretty reluctant or skeptical about this club, at first. It became a more better transition, finally.

Best of all, since I'm like the one who knew what was happening the whole time because I have been sometimes my own president, secretary, representative, and treasurer for a club, I became dethroned from the presidential position this year. This is amazing because I didn't lose by much! I think we have managed to break the attendance record of maximum show-up. What is funny is that the majority of people don't care about going to a silly club. I'm not too sure what it is, but I think it's mainly because of a calling to go socialize and also be recognized as a cool group.

Things seem to be going really well because I can finally see a club move into better transition. We can do some fundraising and propose budgets as a club. What is really awesome is that it all has happened without any expectations, largely. I have learned to not to care about the quantity but rather have more concern over the quality of a club.

It's pretty interesting to note that readers have been looking at my blog posts, recently. I'm not too sure why someone would really be interested in this write-up because I'm largely doing it so that I can become more eloquent with myself and others. The club is really nice, and even though it was a "small-time" club, it's more like "show-time" now! I really need to support the new president now, and I will do this with honor. I'm actually the vice president now.

Everything seems to work out so well, if you try to do positive things that can benefit everyone and of course, with some faith. I've joined a couple Chrisitan clubs so that I can fellowship with this group, and so far, it's made my life less miserable because it feels so common these days for people to be a believer. I think we all get a proper calling when the time is right, and we all are going to get a chance to get to know our personal savior of mankind sins. I'm leaning more to Jesus Christ as of this moment, and I don't think any other religion can emphasize or fill this gap of satisfaction of having a huge hope of reaching heaven.