My Testimonies

For a short introduction, I am now going on to work on my testimonies. My life in the Lord began as a 2nd grader, when I accepted Jesus through a prayer and with my heart. I went through with it because I wanted to try it out. Another brother of mine named Andrew accepted with me, but I haven't kept in contact with him lately. I remember going through Bible school and feeling the worn out effects of being committed to God. It felt like going to school, and I didn't like learning about anything. I had moments where I blanked out in my mind and nothing came through to me in those sermons. My life was a total wreck sometimes, I would do things completely not liked by God and feel like a wretch for doing them. Yes, I felt like a very bad person whenever I cursed in my childhood. I hardly said a cursed word, after training myself to deal with the bad impulses of my life. I totally became reliant on myself for studies and had periods of not wanting to study. I sometimes felt like a person who was going to blow up up into high school. I was totally committed to getting A's and pleasing my parents but I felt really empty inside. Every year, I had this emotion of wanting to quit going to school after putting in a lot of effort. This emotion grew larger, as I didn't find myself playing with friends. However, I made television my idol and even became aware of my sexuality before my puberty. It didn't help to have perverted guy friends in middle school. Learning about sex ed for the first time was really funny especially when the teacher used sex terms. There was a lot of giggling among the brothers and bashfulness to the sisters as well. Ninth grade came around and I had almost forgotten about my acceptance of the Lord. My walk became really carnal by this time. Even through all that carnality, I couldn't find absolute satisfaction. I wanted the best of everything a guy could go through. Engaging in acts of what I call myself getting carnal encouragement, my faith kept on bouncing away from the Lord. I had a few moments of wanting to be really angry with God, but thank God I didn't have consistency with doing anything. I was like a person with ADD, giving no attention to life's detail. I gave a lot of respect to a lot of high school students and became devestated because I became afraid of not being able to live up to the expectations of peer pressure. I lost full-throttle confidence in myself and became anti-social. All I really longed for was engaging in carnal acts by myself with noone telling me, how it was affecting my total growth as a person. I was very emotionally filled for a time being carnal, but then the Lord called me to go church. My mom told me about a church that was about a few 100 yards away from my house. I went there and still couldn't confide myself in dedicating myself to the Lord. I had these moments of wanting to do good things as a Christian, but I was being too indecisive with my heart. I then started feeling the spiritual confinement with me doing those carnal acts. I would feel very sheepish, as it affected my accountability. I stunted my growth as a matter of eating a lot of sweets and not averaging a sufficient amount of sleep. The heaviest I ever became was 180 pounds while under 5 feet. I wore a waist size of 36. My life was a wreck for me, as my mind started shutting down. I had moments of hitting myself very heavily enough to the point of me crying in agony of not being able to fully complete any thinking assignment. In ninth grade after a year of courting her during breaks, a young girl stole my heart. I felt a lot of care for her and even mentioned it in crypted messages to my mom, who scared me about an occurence of a destructive relationship with young couples.

My heart sank because I knew I couldn't be with her, but I always wanted the best for her. My reasoning was I lacked all the timing of being well-prepared for a relationship. Learning about love was very important to me as it applies to my walk in the faith. Never was that emotion of wanting to fellowship stronger with any other person. I didn't show it to her, and I forgot about it as I moved on.

Being in carnal mode, I felt like my life was in jeopardy and made me feel weak whenever I wasn't emotionally filled. My true spiritual state is a being who can't do anything. I seeked to always entertain myself and felt fits of having enmity with the world whenever I didn't obtain my selfish desires.

I was always under this bondage of carnality and without the Holy Spirit working in me, I would never have dishardened my heart. I always wanted to avoid the actual truth and whenever, I went to church I always longed to get out.

By the grace of God, after I debated with myself about Jesus' life and did the best I could to defame the mysticism, I wrestled with the Spirit of God and surely enough after I thought about a possible scenario of a virgin birth in modern terms, I accepted Jesus was born through God the father. I believed in Christ's resurrection from the start, but I gained something. I felt higher satisfaction than any other carnal moment I ever had, by placing my confidence in the Godhead.

I was on cloud nine, while feeling loved and overjoyed despite having still the thorns of ignorance in my spiritual life. Romans 8:3 states for what the law could not do in that it is weak in the flesh, God sending His son in the likeness of sin, condemned sin in the flesh. Christ condemned my carnal emotions from my flesh.

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