Starting all over again

If you have been acquainted with me, then you may recall all the stupid little things I've done. The past is something we all need to forget sometimes. I know that this is something that's been very hard for me to do because I feel a lot of guilt, pain, remorse, and regrets; mostly regrets for all the bad things I've done. I don't think my sins are entirely at the worst as it can get, but it still has brought me separation from the Lord. It's very difficult sometimes to live a good life, and we all should vy for it at least. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes on why criminials do things as they shouldn't be. It's painful to see people dying on the streets, and it's now more greater than every with all the media centering on the hurricane disasters for a bit.

It's been hard for me to want to donate money to Louisiana or the Red Cross. I have wanted to be affiliated with friends or family because it makes it easy to donate money than. I think it's wonderful to have people who love each other as their own neighbors. There's another flip-side to my ethics because I have always wanted to prolong life in people as a doctor for quite some time. I think I have gave up on the adventure because my motivation level has dropped with seeing people living out recklessly. At a part of my life, I became consumed in the sexually perverted world and I have recently left it to attempt on walking with Jesus Christ!

I remember how it was all about satisfying a woman and gaining a love of my life. I have missed out, absolutely because I have never gained the confidence to talk more engagingly with someone. Nowadays, it's not the same anymore because the fire is gone from being a little uncomfortable of my physiology. It's not me that I'm worried about anymore, but the woman herself. I think I'm afraid of being ridiculed as a short guy. Thinking about it here, I don't think it makes sense at all. It feels like I'm making logical contradictions with myself, and all I really need to do is try amp up my conversations with female companions. I'm not really looking into dating or being tempted by particular women right now.

I prefer just talking and being someone who can learn to unharness his own emotions. It's buried deep within me and as of this moment, I don't care how people think about me or have the slightest idea of going for a marriage. I keep telling my closest family members how I'm thinking about getting married and the "what-if" scenarios. The closest members to me are my mom and sister. They've had moments of yelling at me and calling me stupid or trying to find ways to get me to shape up. I have found ways of getting them to evade those terms. It's been largely because of my anger from hearing what I don't hink is the truth. I can be really stubborn if I'm not understanding facts.

A large downfall for quite some time has been how I've never really accepted anything as it is without trying to understand it. I can't understand physics fully and don't have the brains to do it, I think. I don't understand God and Jesus either, but it's been from having some level of faith that's kept me in shape. It's hard to put everything on the line when one has zero faith in anything. Therefore, it can very well be the meaning to the end of life for someone who can't shed it.