Good stuff

I feel that I've been writing a lot because it makes it seem that I really haven't. I've written about 50 posts now and that makes about 250 paragraphs for me, and I still feel that I'm not sufficient enough to reach a goal that I've forgotten already. I think living a life of feeling-based moments is not the proper way to do it for a dude. I don't quite know how women manage to live with all these emotions stuck in their brain all the time. I think they need someone to take care of them very well, and I'm willing to bet that someone who doesn't act stupid or lies all the time is going to get their needs from the almighty.

I recall hearing a statement of how a Christian woman thinks she is going to marry a buck-tooth hill billy from the state of Kansas. Let's pause and close our eyes for the moment to laugh this one out. The attitude is very important, and I think skill is also required. We all have different skills, and I think by having pride it's not going to make our lives any easier. By having pride, I think if you truly want to reach after something, it's going to get a little harder down the road especially if you haven't reached it already. It's pretty stupid to have pride right before you obtain a goal. It means you are going to stop and have some fun eloping or doing whatever drugs that will kill your brain cells. I'm just joking crudely of course. I'm not really the type to judge people, but when I come face to face with them in some point of life with a particular action then I will not hesitate to judge them.

I'm a little different for some reason when I get angry. I don't know what it is about me that doesn't want me to kill someone or strangle them. The bad stuff like that. I think it's more like I think it's a bigger punishment for them to be living at the moment. I think if they live a really long time, then they will hate being victimized by an angry person routinely. I have victimized a fellow professor when I became angry at him. I'm sure he got the point, but in a largely inappropriate way because I lost my cool at him. It's more like I lost it but I've been trained to not to use the common F-S-B-D-M words because I'm not cool with saying those types of things around people. Even in my writing, I don't like to see it personally so when I do write stuff like that I'll eventually go around to deleting it or just censoring it. That's what I like about myself, and I think when I get mad for a long period, I can really develop into a more bigger hunter of something.

What I like when for me to become angry is that when I truly think it is the opposition's fault and not entirely mine. I guess it takes me awhile to see it's my fault. I still think to this day that it was the professor's fault for acting like a kid who wants to destroy a student's future and dreams. This professor has been acting rather nasty off the mark as way because I have largely affected him of his view of students. He's been accustomed to people who have argued with him and have possibly threatened him. I have not known this type of experience because it feels ridiculous for a professor to even care about these type of things.

I'm not too good with expressing constructive criticisms, and I think it's mostly not in my intentions to do that. Maybe I'm inventing stuff that people have used already when I start trying to victimize someone with my anger. My anger has really made me more blatant at times than unusual. I think it can show very well with my writing. I will have stopped here but I think I'll extend my writing period to a little longer because I'm actually getting a point, now.

My anger makes me feel good and righteous sometimes. I'm not too sure if this is a right way of feeling or not. I think I've been advised to not to be angry as possible. I'm not too sure about myself and what I'm aiming at is that I do know myself enough to say that comparatively with others, I think I can keep my cool with situations that revolve around doing whatever. I have been thinking about it and comparing with my sister. My sister is so wierd sometimes, and I think I have gotten to know her a lot better these days. She acts really nice, and I have used to think her voice was really cute. It has made feel a little jealous. Now, it sounds very funny and her laughter is very funny too. It's her same voice still.

My close high school friend feels the same way, and he still likes her or doesn't. There is a very sad event that I recall with my sister. I have been a part of her life, and I could have at one point been blamed for all of her relationships or mishaps that involves me and has made her feel unhappy. I have pretty much been a scapegoat in a literary sense. I don't really care about it because I have long forgotten on caring about this issue. I don't know how my sister is going to be like in the near distant future. I can only hope for the best that she will tempt me in envying her in some fashion. I'm not too big on money, I think as compared to someone who wants to make a million dollars as soon as possible.

It's really trippy with the things of this world of how I'm not supposed to desire anything of it. Sciences are something that has been putting me to some interest. It's like reading the Bible. I'm pretty much trying to read two Bibles. Make that a supplement to the actual Bible. I think I've been spending so much time on reading supplemental material, rather than the Bible. I don't really know what's making me tick. It must be an inner driven though to do things motivationally. Everyone gets worn out, and it's during that time frame that we either continue or quit at something. I think those moments are what really shape a person to be someone they are supposed to be. Actually, more like what they want to be.

It's crazy how I have faults that I can relate to with other people. I then feel like not being that forgiving about it with others. I think I can't lighten up all the time. I'm not too sure what's making me go to classes in shaping up to be something that I'm supposed to be. I want to be a better individual who can undertstand better substances. It's funny to think that an English major thinks very subjectively sometimes and only to waste their time on reading insolently boring books!

I guess I've grown up being an outcast and wanting to study people in a way that I would find a missing link. Caring is pretty tough to forget about when one doesn't try to distract himself with other things. It's like the material is all there and having to go search it somewhere else is very stupid. I guess I suck sometimes. I don't mind being a very poor individual at something I'm trying to accomplish for some period. There's a girl with dark-skin who has been eyeing me for some time in all the classes I've had with her. I remember feeling like crying when I was thinking about approaching a girl to ask them out or something. It's an inner emotion that I've locked up now. I'm now not really feeling anything, and I don't know if I'm supposed to do something when I see something.

This is a very sick topic, called masturbation. It's a little funny underneath but outside it's inappropriate. It all depends on the situation that one is at. That is how I see it when someone says he is going to go jump off a high building, land in a pool, end up hurting himself, and actually that's not funny. I think masturbation is a funny word, and I don't like to bring it up in real-live conversations because that's pretty much all I've really been affiliated with as the highlight of my life. It's wierd to make the penis an idol over Jesus Christ, and it's perverted absoultely. That's been my sin all this time. It's just a worthless piece of matter that's larger than someone elses. Okay, that's a little prideful but I'm glad because I don't have to want to make it larger. It's pointless to be prideful about the penis or not. In some cases, it is because it can make one go out and be more sexually illicit and then, that's not very good to think about.

I will have liked to obey God from the beginning, just as Adam and Eve has had their chances. The apple of good and evil has spread through humanity. I will have preferred to go back, but there isn't any. God has totally designed us to be free-willed machines that can surpass anything on Earth because of our creative minds. As a Psalms says, God has inscribed in the hearts of men, the Law of the Lord. Looks like I'm a man now. The question is if I decide to make that leap towards God and from what angle should it be? I've been wanting to do it but there is no doing if it's just wanting. This reminds me that I think a guy is pretty dumb. I'm thinking he's like an idiot because he doesn't want to study textbooks. He has acted a little prideful by saying that everything stays in his head once he learns and then he starts cursing at his small restuarant that seems to be hanging on the edges because of even more stupid customers.

I don't think I'd like to feel that I'm a stupid customer. I'm not too good with details and that's like my complaint. I think that's what makes me feel demotivated by thinking negatively. I think there a lot of other factors to use when learning. Learning is very complicated, and I know that no one has came up with a perfect model yet to show how it is done. I'm sure you can describe states just as many researchers do. Science does not seem like a big thing and sometimes it could be by blending it in with art. I think science and art are two combinations that work really well together when it is used properly. Take for instance, Da Vinci. This guy has drawn a lot of scientific paintings and probably has enjoyed looking at some cadavers of some sort. I have wanted to use a curse word in that sentence by replacing sort, but I think I'll refrain from doing that.

I think I feel like I'm wasting my time right now but I still have inner drive to keep going. It's like Newton's Laws. Anything that stays in motion tends to stay in motion. I think it's bad to stop at somethings at a particular moment of time. For the Bible, one shouldn't have to give up at it at some period just after finding one discouragement or not feeling like it. It's like quitting classes when you don't feel like it. It's pretty wierd to think this way because it doesn't seem to be funner in a sense. I think I've been brought up a lot into thinking about the consensus. Of what the majority believes I right and so it makes it seem a lot better when I see a lot of Chrisitans gathered together, including me at a convention. It feels a lot better and makes life seem a lot easier to go about it for sharing what there needs to be done.

I don't know if this is an obsession or not with my writing, but I'm so limited with my vocabulary. I haven't used any words that requiring a lot of double-checking with a dictionary. I have used a thesaurus before and made people go "huh" to my papers. I think I have not understood how to write very darn clear papers and to actually like for a long period of time. I'm not that great at writing either. I'm not going to be able to bring in some fun elements that people can use to enjoy their life with. I'm just not the very best at everything, and I think my main weakness is showing pride when I'm not supposed to.