Boy, I'm not very emotionally stable at the moment and it's this feeling of emptiness that's associated with my body. It's really discouraging to try to talk to people because my style isn't that great. I have grown up as not a talker but more of a thinker of my conscience. I've made a lot of bad decisions in the past and knew I was making them. I also became trapped into this cycle of addiction. I know it's all about keeping a constant and steady pace. My body doesn't seem to have that discipline to do it. From childhood, I've never been able to take out my restlessness when it came to getting things done. With all of these things, I have lacked a lot of advice which I made my idol. I've always had this sort of spiritual sense of being told what to do to make my life happy. My parents and peers have made an assumption that there really isn't any problems with my life. My mom was like one of the proudest people in my life because of my steadiness. I became ensnared by my lusts for playing video games and actually passing them. My psyche became totally dependent upon how I was playing a video game. Today, I am mourning about my past and doing the best I can to make my end's meet. I'm totally used to segregation with the normal crowds. I never really did so well in the big ones. I grew up with a shock of being physically left out by people I played with. I was one of those people who was chosen last for everything, but I was at the top of my class at different periods of my life. I certainly did have this edge of wanting to get A's, no matter what it took. I started losing it because I became worn out from having to go to school over and over again, with each grade. I wanted to skip all those years and get right into the meat with a solid teacher guiding me. These blessings are truly not what I have had, but I don't really care after all. Even though I mourn, my existence doesn't really care about it at all. There are a few good influences I have had in my childhood and faith is one of the most useful tactics that you have to get to. I'm now at this point in my life where everything has to be in place. My weakness is that I can't do that perfectly as I would like it to be. Looks like through having gone a lot of sufferings, I'm relying on the Bible more than ever, and it's comforting though challenging sometimes. I do feel like a work in progress for it though.
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