Why my life used to be poor

This is my second blog post, and I still haven't been quite tuned to being very well off yet physically and mentally. I'm like being contradictory to many things because I'm just putting myself into a too relaxed position in my life. I have this calling to become better and more dilligent. Thinking about the time of the ice age where people were grunting and making noises to communicate, I think there were those who were called by heart to standardize their language and then teach it to others. It's like our people status has always existed from the start and not evolved from some ape-look alike species. I know that apes have similar DNA with us but I still can't believe ourselves being inferior to those creatures! I also have had a life that pretty much sucks from the day I was born. For instance, I necessarily didn't have the best parents because my mom was accustomed to only raising her voice and telling me emotional ideas that don't make sense like being the most happy when you are a child. She's also told me that young people don't need a lot of sleep because since their bodies are strong, they will wake up refreshed after a good night's sleep. I don't know if that's true because even old people can train their bodies to adapt to certain conditions even though their peak physique has passed for ages. My parents have fought a lot over small matters which turned out to be very huge arguments. They have both started screaming and yelling at each other giving lectures about what's right and why the other is wrong. There's been this separation gap between the two as well because my dad has gone into the patio to pop in a videotape and avoided talking to my mother in Korean. That really sucks because I couldn't learn so much. My dad has also told me to be very dilligent and study hard even though I didn't know how to. I then have seen my dad pop in another videotape and look really lazy on the couch by laying there and looking like a couch potato. I have told him that he was a couch potato, and he has raised his voice denying that he is a couch potato. He's been under a lot of stupidity by yelling his and I being his youngster, I have wanted to avoid any confrontations with him. He has told me to not to smoke and drink a lot, where else he has. I think he has said something like how he can control more than others can or with a deeper meaning involved in it. I think my dad smokes because of his pride to do it. My dad has also implied that he wasn't the best child by being the youngest and making a lot of girlfriends with the ugliest face. My dad has had to win my mom's heart by repetitiously calling her home before they were married. My mom has hated my dad and even screamed at him trying to get away from him. My dad has told me that my mom has worn shoes that made her look five inches taller in the past. My mom doesn't deny them, which makes me feel a little sad sometimes. Hearing about my pagan family and atheistic heritage makes me feel a bit sad, and it sucks. It has sucked so much that I've said it so much that my dad would get mad at me claiming that I'm like "what the heck" to my ancestors. So I've been forced to be around so many mishaps, personal failures, and disappointments that I'm starting to realize that I've been an idiot all this time to try to serve other gods in my life, such as television and the god-awful porn. I've pretty much been very encouraged to repent by none other than the Holy Spirit. I realize that I have so many strengths that I don't end up using them because I don't know how to. My simple model that I've thought up is to get the most important tasks done. By placing God first in my life, I'm filled with a lot of opportunity to grow bigger in my stay here at earth. There is a God out there and not many including worldly Christians see it all the time. An utmost fruit of joy, love, peace, faithfulness, patience, goodness, and kindness is associated with Christianity. To acknowledge the Son of God's existence is enough to not to need only selfish blessings from Jesus Christ. It's pretty much the smartest route to take in this life because doing everything onto the Lord with all your heart in whatever you do is a blessing. Not every devout Chrisitian is a pastor because women are also called to lead the household of her offspring.
EYY