2006 Distinguished Teaching Award- Dr. Laszlo

According to Poly Post, "A memorial service was held on Feb. 1 for computer science professor Peter Alan Laszlo who died Jan. 19 of pneumonia at age 65. 'He was the best teacher,' said Chung Lee, a computer science professor.' " Being always a slightly esoteric instructor, the median score for all quizzes were zero. In my recall of Dr. Laszlo, he would rant statements of how were were with ridiculous, academic statements. His explanations were never off-the-wall, and always useful to my highest level of interest.

We were always taking granted for his teaching style, loving his intractable general knowledge. With Dr. Laszlo being a Cal Tech allumni, I always felt confounded by his presence. Looking back, there was a sense of commitment in him. A type of sacrifice that could be easily adorned by his admirers. He reminded me of a drill instructor who would advocate our transpiring of working beyond the classroom textbook. His friendliness and aggressiveness in teaching made him stand out the greatest among the faculty. I would have been honored to enroll in all CS courses with him.

Despite his passing, I think Dr. Laszlo should be honored before his forgotton. He is a legacy that should not be ignored by Cal Poly history. His tone has greatly defined the values of committment and concern to his students. Having been an officer two years in a row with a great refined CS Club, it was lovely to see him make an appearance. I proudly stand behind the belief that making Peter a recepient will send flaming smoke in the center of our universe: Dan-jum (Korean Martial Art). His remembrance will greatly inspire thsoe wishing to achieve status as a scholar. I can guarantee you that every student he had, shared a wonderful bond and a little extra push to excellence.

Updated Restraining Order

The motion to open the case with my yet, unheard side is filed on the basis that I currently conceive the court order as feeling guilty by his cleverly disguised evidence that I made a physical death threat. He was angry with me because I expedited a transfer of personal information on the internet, where millions of people don't care. If you type his name in, Washington Chun, you will find very interesting stuff on his public record. I called him an idiot a few times because I thought he was being a dummy. It's quite the opposite, he's a dummy for doing a few idiotic things. In the knowledge of all absolute things, the reason why he gave me a court order is because I made him feel guilty and angry after calling him an idiot. He was zoned in at the wrong time and place, after facing memories of hard separations-his callous remarks made it hard to tell he was being bothered. I do notice that he's avoiding places and people to possibly shift his guilty conscience, but looks like he won't stop at nothing to run me down in person-face to face. I also feel that through the lack of seriousness seen by the court's last ruling, I will forget that a court order was ever placed upon me and endanger my rights as an innocent citizen. I have been known to share my faith and the love of Christ to people around my age. I was heavily involved with an evangelical group last year. My routine is to go out and share my faith whenever I can, I have not yet asked him if I could share with him my faith. If I forget, I may end up getting arrested. Just as Paul in the Holy Scriptures asserted his rights as a Roman citizen, I also wish to enjoy my full rights as a citizen. My desire to knock on his door and ask him if I could share my faith is based on the Great Commision (Matthew 28:19-21) and will of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2). Secondly, I do not wish to have a degenerative selection of weaponry to defend my life, when I am located close to the dangerous streets of downtown L.A. and have experienced police-reported thefts and graffiti in my own neighborhood. I also have a list of over fifty unedited comments of how the court order has affected my life. My creativity allows me to shoot for over a thousand.

I request that the judge will allow him to revisit his evidence to inform me on where I have impeccably left a death threat. It has caused me undeniable emotional trauma and physical stress that causes me to disregard my current work. Everywhere I go at work, I am victimized by having to associate with this restraining order; we also used to go out to lunch together. I cannot currently relocate because I have not seeked sufficient resources out of lack of time and work fatigue. This is also my first full-time job, and I am confused as to whether the restraining order is contributing to my undeniable stress, at times. I seriously want the court to be alert in recording every statement he makes, and I would like a transcript to review.

This is my opinion on what I think would be best for his conduct. He either shows up to help me remove this court order or does not show up to court. I feel that he has lost his original purpose because he hates my written thoughts and will keep receiving them, every month to appear to court. Appearing to court is also my way of attempting to make a reconciliation, especially when he is already moving on with his life. I don't think he has any will to befriend me again, even though I want him to be cool with me again in the name of Christ. I apologize that I am still heavily and emotionally affected.**Very important, ** If he does prove that I have made a death threat, then I have greatly wronged him and will never bother him but only on occasion by making him appear to court repetitiously. If he doesn't, then I think he is in very big trouble because he lied on a governmental document and that can be a serious offense, even to the point of having to pay for my legal attorney's fees. My honest opinions are held in high regard by close friends for a good reason. I am going to try to sign up to be protected by cops, the moment he comes in to the court building on the day of our hearing.

Restraining Order Motion #2

The motion to open the case with my yet, unheard side is filed on the basis that I currently conceive the court order as feeling guilty by his cleverly disguised evidence that I made a physical death threat. He was angry with me because I expedited a transfer of personal information on the internet, where millions of people don't care. If you type his name in, Washington Chun, you will find very interesting stuff on his public record. I called him an idiot a few times because I thought he was being a dummy. It's quite the opposite, he's a dummy for doing a few idiotic things. In the knowledge of all absolute things, the reason why he gave me a court order is because I made him feel suicidal after calling him an idiot. I also feel that through the lack of seriousness seen by the court's last ruling, I will forget that a court order was over placed upon me and endanger my rights as an innocent citizen. I have been known to share my faith and the love of Christ to people around my age. I was heavily involved with an evangelical group last year. My routine is to go out and share my faith whenever I can, I have not yet asked him if I could share with him my faith. If I forget, I may end up getting arrested. Just as Paul in the Holy Scriptures asserted his rights as a Roman citizen, I also wish to enjoy my full rights as a citizen. My desire to knock on his door and ask him if I could share my faith is based on the Great Commision (Matthew 28:19-21) and will of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2). Secondly, I do not wish to have a degenerative selection of weaponry to defend my life, when I am located close to the dangerous streets of downtown L.A. and have experienced police-reported thefts and graffiti in my own neighborhood. I also have a list of over fifty unedited comments of how the court order has affected my life. My creativity allows me to shoot for over a thousand.

I request that the judge will allow him to revisit his evidence to inform me on where I have impeccably left a death threat. It has caused me undeniable emotional trauma and physical stress that causes me to disregard my current work. Everywhere I go at work, I am victimized by having to associate with this restraining order; we also used to go out to lunch together. I cannot currently relocate because I have not seeked sufficient resources out of lack of time and work fatigue. This is also my first full-time job, and I am confused as to whether the restraining order is contributing to my undeniable stress, at times. I seriously want the court to be alert in recording every statement he makes, and I would like a transcript to review.

This is my opinion on what I think would be best for his conduct. He either shows up to help me remove this court order or does not show up to court. I feel that he has lost his original purpose because he hates my written thoughts and will keep receiving them, every month to appear to court. Appearing to court is also my way of attempting to make a reconciliation, especially when he is already moving on with his life. I don't think he has any will to befriend me again, even though I want him to be cool with me again in the name of Christ. I apologize that I am still heavily and emotionally affected.**Very important, ** If he does prove that I have made a death threat, then I have greatly wronged him and will never bother him but only on occasion by making him appear to court repetitiously. If he doesn't, then I think he is in very big trouble because he lied on a governmental document and that can be a serious offense, even to the point of having to pay for my legal attorney's fees. My honest opinions are held in high regard by close friends for a good reason. I am going to be protected by cops, the moment he comes in to the court building on the day of our hearing.

I don't get Washington

Washington literally doesn't have anything against me anymore. This is how I really feel, all I really need now is just a perfect motion that will get the judge to look at the case. If the judge looks at the case, Washington simply talks about all the things that bothered him in the past. I look down upon all of them and say they are nothing compared to what a restraining order should really be used for. We go home and questions are not asked. I think the first motion did have some spunk, but not the type the judge was looking for to proceed the hearing.

I did notice that the judge smiled at me and told me that he was not in any legal position to give me advice. I let everyone know that I wanted this restraining order off because I wanted to experience my full rights as a citizen and to be able buy guns and protect my home. Washington lost everything because he just plain hates my writing. It's so funny that a friend would look upon somebody because he just looks at their writing and act really crazy afterwards.

I think the writing that I'm now venting has really absolutely no purpose in life anymore. It's just a way of letting go my frustrations with the world. The only benefit that I'm getting out of this is that more people come to bug me. My mom just keeps bugging me with her style of advising me. I just don't like it because it doesn't suit my needs. I need a mother whose really caring and supportive of whatever I do. My mom loves to contend with me, if I do something wrong. It really bugs me, and I grew up with it. I think I developed an arguing style to shut people up for good.

I believe that I need to really find the true purpose in what I can do and can't. The reason why I can't say anything to Washington is because he doesn't love me. I basically know Washington has totally nothing against me, and I really feel that no one in this world is going to ever find out. If I get this restraining order off, then it means that everything Washington ever held against me was wrong and gives me reason to become friends again with Francis and Washington. The only way for me to patch up my life with a few people is to get rid of the restraining order. I totally need someone in my life to tell me what the greatest thing to do is.

Day 1 - It all starts with God

Colossians 1:16 - For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible,...everything got started in him and finds its purpose in Him.

Question: How can I remind myself today that life is really about living for God, not myself?

Guideline: The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It's far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions.

When I think about this passage, it really gets me considering that the purpose transcends higher than what our life is composed of. I may sometimes feel like not being a good steward to other fellow Christians. My emotions sometimes try to take over my life, no matter what I do to try to prevent them. Most recently, a friend put a restraining order on me and made me feel like a threat to him. I went through a really emotional period, not knowing what my major course of action should be. By reading yesterday's Psalm 143, it marks where my heart's going. I long to be taught the Word of God and to apply it to my life. Through my prayers, I have been asking God about big life changes, such as considering where I'll be working at, the people I will meet, and a possible future wife. By submitting to God's will, things become more clearer for me. I'm not sure how I'm still able to feel excited for the Lord, even with the feeling of endless teachings by Calvary Chapel pastors and other great speakers.

I do have some reason to think that my actions will justify my faith. Am I doing this to appear righteous, or is this just for God's sake? My personality is something that I've been having a hard time defining. I've been trying to keep it real with everyone, and nothing abridged. I do have a sense of breaking down under negative reactions with people. I feel like shying away from them when things don't look good. It's weird how I felt so left out for a time being, like when people tell me to do stuff, I wonder if it was for them to get me involved or something.

I think I really had a hard time deciphering the good social context, as supposed to the bad ones. I guess in the general long run, it's seriously not going to matter whatever situations I come across. I'm not going to be able to hide from God. In a way, I feel that I was more braver last year because I didn't know what to expect from God. I also felt like I was on a more risky spiritual journey because I didn't feel well-grounded in the Scriptures. I really had some shaky moments where I opened up by over-reacting to different people. I had a really hard time listening to the pastor's messages, but I knew they were good and was so longing for it. The night of repentance from my built-up sins really changed my life, for being a believer all my life.

Uncensored and Uncut Part 4

During his enlightenment stage, God gave him the art of seduction. God told him to only use this power for the greater good of humanity. To make sure the power was real, he used his new power on the village girl. "Oh yes, the power really worked. God wasn't lying." It was now time to use it on the girl he liked to win back her heart. During this time, the second man also pursued the same girl, but it was a friendly competition. At the same time, the girl's best friend still continued to pursue the first man by using deadly tactics. The first man felt really bad because he caused an innocent girl to turn evil, just to help him get revenge on the girl. He can never forgive himself of what he did. He feels that no girl should turn evil for him. Everyday, when they exchanged letters the girl tested the man on every situation until the man got infuriated. Because she wanted to know if this guy could handle her challenge, but from the first day that they held hands at the dance, he was willing to accept it by betraying his friend, go through her strict parents, and also her recent lover. He was so frustrated because the other girl showed him love and all she did was test him like a mad professor. So they got into an argument, the girl was so mad at the guy that the more mad she became at him, the more she loved him. She kept on denying that she was madly in love with him. The man questioned if the girl really loves him, but after knowing God, he doesn't have fear anymore because he has faith in God that the girl is his, she will be his. His warrior-like rage is no more because he is at peace with the world. To be continued...

Uncut Version of Story of a Man

Long time ago in a far away place, there were two men. One man was funny and peaceful. His dad named him Peace so that one day he could go back to his homeland and unite all his people. The second man was kind, generous, and humble. Everyone looked at the second man for leadership and guidance. They became good friends since they were the only Gideonites in the village. Both of them shared common interests and desires, not knowing that they would one day fall in love with the same girl. On a stormy winter night, his friend took him to the land of Gad where he introduced him to his old friend and his old friend's sister. The second man told the first man that this girl is marriage material. The second man loved this girl, since the first time he laid his eyes on her. During this time, the girl had no idea the first man existed. The second man told the first man that her parents were really strict. Every day and night the second man always talked about that girl. The more he talked about the girl, the more his friend started having feelings for that girl. Never realizing in his deepest mind that he began to have a crush on this mysterious girl. Just the thought of it made the first man sick and bitter about himself. From winter, became summer, from summer became winter two years passed by. The first man and second man graduated from the art of warfare. The first man physically and mentally changed dramatically; he wasn't skinny anymore. The second man also changed dramatically; he wasn't fat anymore. After their training, both of them were looking for a job but there was no need for a warrior since there was peace and harmony in the country-side. It was one of the roughest and toughest moments in both of their lives. They studied so hard and yet they had nothing. They had no choice but to pray and put their faith in God. God helped the first man and his family escape from the torn country's civil war, hoping that one day he would come back to help his people out. God did answer his prayer, and he did find work as a warrior and also give the second man a job also as a leader. The only thing he needed now was love. He prayed to God for love, never knowing that one day God did answer his prayer again. Unexpectedly, out of nowhere, he was invited to a formal dance. The first man was appalled that he found the girl that his friend liked. The girl acknowledged that the man existed. He asked the girl to dance- knowing what he did was wrong, but he still did it. They danced for a long time, and he knew that from that point on, the man had betrayed his friend but he felt that holding onto the girl felt so good. He didn't know if he could let her go or not because it felt so passionate. He never told his friend what really happened, until one day his friend found out. He kept telling his friend that there was nothing going on, but there was something going on. He had been writing her a letter everyday. The man had betrayed his friend and his moral value. Everyday he's questioning himself? One day, the second man told the first man that he was madly in love with the girl. The first man couldn't take it anymore and thought to himself, how could he betray his moral values and beliefs because friendship is so important to him. Even more important than the girl. He decided to tell the truth; his friend was shocked but forgave him because of his honesty. The second friend gave up the girl for his friend knowing that the girl loved the first man more and promised his friend that he would support him a 100 percent. For awhile everything seemed to be going good, until the girl sent a letter to the second man telling God did not create the first man for her. The first man was so frustrated and depressed. His heart grows colder and colder. He wanted to let out his warrior spirit by taking revenge. How could he find a way take to revenge?? The girl is so evil, after all he the things he did for her.

Blogger Revelation

In these sensitive times, my heart is starting to ache. I'm enjoying these feelings of being a person. It's been so long since I've come to this realization that my life is filled with so many conflicts. It's so exciting that my heart's intent is to live out for Christ, 24-7. Without Jesus, I'm a complete nobody and a self-made disaster. There's a lot of good things out there for people to get themselves involved with. I know that I'm personally one who really has that privilege of doing. Why do I go to Hwa Rang Do all the time? It's basically in my blood to get actively engaged in something that I believe is physically right.

I'm really glad that God has placed me in a trial with this temptation of not forgiving Washington and Francis. It's awesome that I've been in similar situations like these before. I really valued personal friendships on people who were impossible converts. It's literally something I became worn out in doing, after Alan. My efforts first went to Naz and then Alan and then I gave up on my latest roommate. I even forgot his name, which is pretty bad. I was such a bad roommate to him, but it was all for show and even though, we didn't have a good time together, I still managed to be in my own world to not to mind him so much.

I guess that's where my strength may lie. It's the ability to see through things that are so small and yet feel so big to me. It's my will to persevere through this weak moments in my life. Everything feels so strong for me, but when a small thing irritates me, my house just feels like crumbling down; it's where I least expect it.

No pride, no sin, no hatred; it's all about you Jesus.

True Story

There was this man who I was in a bad mood with. One day, he out-blatantly started saying bad stuff about a co-worker. It made me mad because my personality was telling me that why would any person bother to care about how another person was performing. It hits me now that maybe it's because of his meticulous attention to a person's work. It still struck me moody to hear negative descriptions about this worker. I just didn't want to hear stuff about it, but I didn't bring it up because I wanted to be a man who showed no emotion. Washington even loosely stated that he didn't mind being made fun of by friends. Washington started making fun of me and oddly, I hated it underneath my gut. Okay, so one day I write a blog and am thinking to myself, oh great, I have a blog and people are going to come look at it. I'm writing sarcastic remarks on the blog, like oh this is great that nobody really bothered to read my blog. Gosh, Washington goes around and starts making funny descriptions of how I'm a terrorist and says it's evidence just because of the way I go about things. Like, I said that "I killed him", but I made the mistake in saying it because I thought "steam-rolling him" would be more threatening. I thought killed him wouldn't be taken as that big of a threat. Looks like, my senses were off-balance when I became angry. Gosh, something is seriously wrong in my system right now.

I guess my breaking point really started happening when I wasn't being receptive to Washington's feelings. I really lost sight of my sensitivity, but soon enough I received it right after missing the trial. I didn't know what I was doing at the time. I don't know what was controlling me. I didn't know what the smartest thing to do was. I was all under a victim of circumstances. It turns out that Washington did something that really aggravates me and even though I forgive him of what he did, it's brought upon repercussions. These repercussions make me feel that I no longer want to be his friend nor with Francis.

Wow, I realize that after being a perfect friend to almost everybody. I've actually ruined it on accident for a friend. It's not too late for me to still be a perfect friend; I didn't literally say things to threaten Washington. I think it was just unfortunate that Washington had to go through tough times without Pete. It just made him more threatened to have a lack of support from a best friend.

I'm not really in a good mood right now to write anymore things. It just pains me to write details that lead up to the court date. I'm really laughing about what happened, in a nutshell. There's nothing to show except make Washington look bad for sending me a restraining order. He could very well have chosen to stay away from my blog, but he kept looking at it. He thought he could handle analyzing my trippy poems. He really got a gnashing with my blog. It's almost all over now. I guess I have to be the bigger man and get rejected in trying to represent Christ. I'm a dope who can't do the right things for Christ. I'm not equipped enough yet. I still need more time to develop into the person He can use me for. It's starting to tackle in though.

A short guy like me has unlimited genes and are able to manipulate how people feel about themselves. It's kind of scary that I have the power to make people feel bad in arguing over things. When I argue, I just have to remember to deadlock another individual. That's rule #1. You know Lord, I'm just being selfish by trying to say the truth in the best way possible. I do feel totally annoyed by the whole incident, but what can you do? You just have to give it up. I need to get rid of thoughts with a conceived liking of a girl. She is no longer the girl I am interested in.

I'm going to go on to develop into a better person. Reconcile with Washington at a later date and come to terms with what troubled me in the past. I'm not a very good writer, yet. I need to find more ideas to be a better writer.

Journey of Enlightenment

The strength in our soul finds the torture within.
Our might and will just can't stand the self-fibbing.
We all need to see the truth, and the mind executes.
Among our greatest treasures lies that selflessness.
Joys and pains can't be taken away through our guilt.
Let's arise from origin attacks with shameless tricks.

God is starting to minister to me to stay strong emotionally.
Restoring the right to sensibility and undo any controversy.
Feelings are a basis to many different things and to failures.
All out of doing something everybody thought was wrongful.
To be perceived as not a best friend from sharing everything,
It's a bad thing to be considered cool and then it never clings.

I forgive for all the bad things that this person did to you.
I learned very fast what the right thing would be to do.
A smart gentleman never finishes weak and last place.
He's the one who helps to set and seek everyone's space.
Being already a servant in his heart for the stressful race,
I was supposed to be the better man at setting his pace.

I know the majority of people who have spoken to Wash may see me as a crazy person. I know that I made a mistake in posting up my blogs. I know I'm nuts, but that was two years ago when I first started writing.

Two years ago is a very short period, and I always knew people would come read my blog. I didn't care back then. All I wronged in Washington was make him mad. There is no such thing as a stupid blogger.

"I feel like burning buildings just because I can't help it."
It means literally the same thing. The fire that burns up in my body under stress. I would have gone to jail by now if everyone thought I was a terrorist.

I wrote I was a person with Bi-polar.

I became a maniac depressant when my video games were taken away.
Felt like committing suicide because of so many girls liking me.

Picking Up the Pieces

In life, we all make mistakes accidentally at times. It's really difficult to keep track of our sins because we are always so bombarded with many other distractions. A writer sometimes has this sense of responsibility within him; it's to communicate wisely his ideas to others. Allusively speaking, when Washington and Francis sent me legal retaliatory suits, I became really angry because I didn't intend to harm them! I ended up getting really frustrated and blaming their lack of attentiveness to my details.

It comes to mind that I am human after all with feelings that really ponder about people. I think it's really easy to win a speaking battle; just make the other feel like he's more equipped than you- a type of reverse psychology that gets them to feel pity for you.

In my mental trip this month, I found myself really narrowing in my sensitivity region. I literally experienced the pain and agony a close friend went through with my unclarified remarks! It takes a lot of dedication to be able to come to imagining things happening in people's minds. I've really surprised myself by reading my original works and traveling through my brain's other brain.

I believe that I have the ability to transmit phermones with my own writing. In its entirety, I think it's unique and sensible sometimes. The outward appearance doesn't really capture a woman's heart, even though a woman will do her best to appear beautiful. There's something about a genuine man that really woes her. I guess I've woed some disappointed women in the past.

Finding myself with this power of writing, I believe that damage can be done no matter how subtle you write your words- a cover-up per se. In the search for emotional answers, I went on a short-term life trek to find the missing elements that I wasn't keeping track of.

Taking grasp of my scientific research, I deducted that the cycle of pain was nearing its end. I kept on thinking to myself how I would retaliate on these two, who offended me seriously. I then felt the calling from God to evangelize Washington; this is where I started to let positive thoughts re-surface. Then, suddenly I couldn't hold in these feelings of motherly love! In conclusion, love is the missing element that will help you pick up the pieces that are hard to find.

The Anti-porn Activists

One day, a boy named Gondor decided to surf the web for some adult-type news. He was very interested in wanting to find out how he would be an adult. Being new to the whole scene, he typed in "Adult news". Lo and behold, a burial offering came up. He had to choose between three million to four million, unsupervised, web-sites. Being at the age of only twelve, he would go on to pick some favorites.

He soon caught liver failure and had to go the hospital. His mom and dad were very worried about what happened. The doctor soon found out that an adult toy had been somehow forced into his digestive system. He had a lot of rectal problems, and the damage of the tissue appeared to be severe. He underwent plastic surgery and adopted a new robot-butt as his life-long partner. Life was really difficult for him after that. He had to get minor oil-change ups, like how you would take a car to Jiffy Lube. Unfortunately, the inventor was a greedy man who placed a patent on oil changes and so his parents made their son work double shifts. All the boys at the locker would jeer at his butt in the showers. The ASB group of high school even managed to honor a new voting category for seniors-"Most likely to break the most chairs in a lifetime!"

Five years later, Gondor came to know the Lord as his Savior and friend. He would then travel over the world, often mooning himself to the public. He even married a lady two years his senior and after adjusting with his spouse for five years, gave birth to a beautiful son, Solomon. Solomon would go on to try to rule over the world and create nifty devices to sell to merchants. Gondor was eventually awarded a President's medal for public health service in promoting a healthy life-style for old people stuck to machines.

Jebreece

The hardcore lifestyle of two men Jeb and Reece have been settled on a distant planet of the galaxy, Earth. Let's imagine God created a mirror Earth and these people were green all over their bodies. Sounds too ridiculous to go on with this story. Even though it has a pretty cool plot and I can make up stuff. I think it's time to pawn this pagan-idea game.

Time for a new change

Idiot didn't seem like that bad of a word for me. Well, I guess I hear Conan O'Brien uses it all the time. Like he would say that his show sucks, when he in fact puts a lot of work into it. I think through-out this whole month, I've been very insensitive with things. It's like that I don't have this constant worry, anymore.

In a way, it's sort of fun to torture people in that way, but if it's going to cause them to run away from the Lord, then it's a sin! I think everything was vented normally for me. I do write very intelligently and propose my points. If you do look at the details, it will point it that way. By no means was there any purpose to those e-mails, it only brought on a response that shouldn't have been noticable.

Oh, I'm starting to see that possibly Washington just has a lot of issues that he doesn't want to solve yet. I thought he was trusting of me to not to say bad stuff about him. I'm not sure what type of social drama he was referring to. In a way, there's a little fear but those people really didn't see much in Washington. I think I'm the only one who really cared for him that much to really try to do things. You know what, I treat my sister this way. I sort of vented everything and labeled the word, Francis onto it.

Yeesh, this Annie girl

I don't really know what's on this girl's mind. I don't know if I really hurt her feelings. It just really vexes me at the moment as to what her true motives are. I think she's a little too old for me to consider as a wife now. A lot more other issues is that I'm not sure why she openly says things about herself, during those care group meetings. Maybe she possesses a lot of trust in each of us or may feel that nothing bad will come out of it.

In its entirety, I think Wash never was scared of me enough to get a restraining order. He was just completely acting selfish on his part to get me to stop writing about anything in general. The things I wrote absolutely had no negative effect on him. I believe so because the contextual writing does not imply anything threatening about him. The only reason I feel is that the indirectness may have led him to feel mental paranoia about different issues that he never really resolved. This is probably the reason for my feeling of his yoke being leaked out of his hard shell.

With Annie, I just need to figure out what's on her mind. I'm really bugged with what appears to be a distress call. I guess I should try to talk to her in a more normal manner. It's just plain weird for me to even bring it up. Maybe I should just say a normal greeting and a "how's life" attitude. I wonder if I should just ask her in a casual-like, no harm's intended, way by saying something like "I might be a little distressed about hurting someone. Have I ever said something to offend you?" I think it's a good call. I'll try it out, and see what happens. She'll probably be like nodding her head, **chuckles**.

Grrr...cringe

Man that Washington guy has some nerve coming into the bathroom and walking past me. He didn't walk back out or act all intimidated by me, in our moment together. I'm really infuriated by the actions that he underwent. All of that irrationalizations and going to the point of wanting me to stop associating with Pete. I've been defended by Pete, and I've made no retalitory remarks on Wash, except the truth. The way I put is that I wanted Washington to look like the bad guy. I think a lot of it reveals itself, just by pointing out the truth in a smart way. I ended up using feelings on the playing field, for my last outing.

My blog was meant to be private; an intimate period where I was supposed to write and release whatever tensions I had over myself. I'm not so sure as to why Washington became afraid of me. I think he really wanted to beat me up, but didn't have the nerve to lay a physical finger on me because if he did, he would probably not win! Another possibility could be that he could end up in jail or lose his reputation. Oh so serious, it's all about his anger. I'm finally seeing it a little better; Wash has been just really mad and states he doesn't know what I've been up to.

Hey, I wrote something that wasn't evidently supposed to be read by anyone else. I didn't expect people at church to really respond so positively to my invite. I'm only used to not really caring about my blog. I didn't even really plan out the logistics or anything.

I guess I was in the wrong world the whole time; basically what I said is really funny. I don't mind what I put down, but all of those irrational thoughts Washington put, along with Francis stating he felt cheap. If you really read it more carefully, it's just a silly gesture.

The deal with Washington is that I can't really pinpoint what the problem is. I'm not sure how it originated in the first place. I think it's a type of tough love attitude that I was placing in Washington. All I know is that my posts are not meant to hurt anyone. I make fun of people all for show, but only just because I'm just having a little fun.

Hey, I'm not sure how it's character assassination at the most. The general audience is mainly my own writing, and just because he puts on a wig is not going to affect his job. It's just for this cool idea I had in posting him on the web. You know what, I really want a personal picture of Francis. I want him to put on a wig, before I leave this company. It's going to take a lot of effort and begging. Moreorless, I have to go up and initiate the reconciliation. I just know that if I wait, Francis will come back to me. It's of course, only been a week. I know my course of action is that I'm really manipulative with my words and that as long as I maintain assertiveness that I didn't mean any hurtful words, I think things will be okay.

You know, when I'm a little angry I think I tend to be more exacting. When I'm under a state of psychosis like where I'm just feeling really annoyed about stuff, I just put down that Wash is an idiot for coming to California. I thought that I was going to play safe there, without anyone knowing about it. Simply put, I didn't put his name there. I played with it by trying to logically state the hidden meaning that I intended to put down.

Okay, so it might work out after all in the long run. I'm not apologizing which is a pretty mean thing. Hey, I could have kept on juicing up with different details about them. I could stated they were enemies and start pouncing on them. That's not the proper way to go about things. The proper way is of course being a good steward, just as the Scriptures will mention. Life is all about fixing your eyes on Jesus, and doing whatever the Bible says to do. I can literally see that as the way of life.

Deep O Deep Down Down

I think the world is not caving in for me because I'm seeing things with a bit more details. I used to also be so caught up in my emotions that I never really had the right mind to stake out my personalized thoughts. The time and energy that I'm spending on this blog is so little because I'm just creatively expressing anything with impromptu. I've written a few good poems of late, and these were so good to the people I shared with.

I never knew that I had a sort of poetic mind because it's really difficult for me to grasp my personal writing in poetry. In a way, it was like a check and balance for me. I think Washington has the wrong idea in communicating that my blog is a totally useless thing. I have put up a few posts that have really encouraged me along the way to develop into the writer I am today. There are still a little adjustments that I need to make here and there. Like, remembering the things I wrote and its exact context that I'm really trying to convey. It's a skill that I really have to work on. Like, if I write something with a lot of clarity, and I'm able to think the exact same thoughts as I did a year ago, then I'll think I've written something good!

The controversial parts of my blog were not very threatening, in my opinion. If they were, the people I invited to read my blog would have reported me to the police. There's a date of tardiness reflecting Washington's actions. If he felt so threatened, he would have not tried to make meetings with me. The only thing I recall is his anger problem and the added frustrations that he was tallying into my life. I'm really infuriated by the inconsistencies that he has forced me to observe. In the beginning of our friendship, I took upon Washington as a hard-cased man who didn't mind bashing on other people's problems. I then set out with short remarks that had nothing to deal with him, specifically. I had other checks and balances as well. For instance, the people I shared with about Washington never made any serious remarks of what I wrote. A possible theory is that Washington was just plain offended because I made statements that lacked in clarity. He then looked upon it with a negative perspective, as if his life is a total mess.

I think in the whole scope of things, regarding my biggest mistake of writing disordely details in high school, the maintanence of my blog does not come to be that bad of a period as in when I was absolutely oblivious and destroying a few unlikable characteristics within myself. This might have carried on loosely in my blog in that I disassociated from a lot of things that I complained about. Basically what offended Washington so much was that I called him an idiot for leaving behind his family, after his parent died of cancer. I can support these facts, but I chose not to discuss them in my blog. The restraining order basically made me feel like he had a problem with feeling incompatibility in his life. It's a shame that in his mind, I broke the contract. I never once had the chance to place my terms on the table, which are things that Washington probably never heeded and debilitated him at work by sharing so much irrationalizations! It goes to show that Washington only uses feelings and partial truths, like a manipulative person, to convince people with his arguments. He always has a sense of pride within himself and portrays to be the victim. Well, unfortunately, he dropped the ball by attacking me within his first reactions and then sobbing right in front of me.

Venting on Wash vs Myself

I feel that Washington is using mind control on other individuals to try to convince his points. I think that I'm currently the bad guy because I'm not relenting to my practice of writing on my blog. I decided to apologize only merely because I felt that Washington was seeing things a little depressing. I hope that I never have to come across with him again. But then again, God is really calling me to minister to him.
I have all the right logic to convince the judge that I'm not deemed worthy of a restraining order. You know what? I think Washington is going to have a slight advantage over me, since he has made it, it seems like that I'm the perpetrator. But wow, 200 pounds 5"2 is such a very generous offer. I don't really weigh in that much, and I am also a little taller. I'm just trying to be myself, and guess some people just don't like what I put there. That was such an accident there, I guess I don't respond well to people telling me to stop doing something.
I'm really seeing first hand how the world will respond when they feel threatened. I'm getting the experience of a lifetime; it's a trial that I never really called on taking. Knowing that my personality is something I've come to totally admire, I think it's going to be a very tough call. Seated on my computer, I'm starting to notice that perhaps my writing is just plain useless.
It's because I'm writing all for myself. I don't know how to really exact this writing, except just write for myself. It's just so useless, and if I like someone so much, then why do I also not go after her? My personality has come across with a curse that I can't stake out of my heart. God does punish up to three generations, am I the new generation or am I the last? I'm like the unlikely individual to come to know Christ. I should have never turned my heart to the devil in the first place.
I think it's just a matter of practice in what I'm doing. I think that type of writing certifies that I'm just not that great of a writer. I'm offending people left and right, but I know what I did. I'm just stubborn of what I posted, I'm so eager to fix my mistakes. Okay so I saw what I put there. In a way it does entail character assassination. Oh well, I'm also assassinating my character to on purpose, but only doing it lightly. If that's how I'm treating myself, I think I'm saying everything so jokingly. It's not really a laughing matter to point out that a person is selfish. It's the truth they are selfish, and they did something bad about a person. That's something we all should be able to relate to.
There's no reason to really feel that a cop is going to arrest me. I did send out a restraining order on Washington, but I'm just so scared of what he's going to do to me. He's already broken the radius and incidentally he's very confident of me as a co-worker. I don't really see what's bothering him, except that he just wants me to cool down on the writing.
I'm not that great at mind controlling people, and it's not very cool to do. Cheating a person for something that you shouldn't be doing. I think I do possess a little mind control because I only want them to be a better person. I guess as long as I keep a good intention in my heart, I shouldn't forget what I'm doing.
This is going to be really tough for me to really like a girl like Annie. She's very complicating and super genius lady. I wish Jared would just take Annie and them two would live happily forever. Annie is a girl who shouldn't live on her own; she's such a special individual to me.

I'm So Sorry Washington

I'm so sorry Washington....if only I had known that you just needed an apology. This is my written apology, so I'll explain to you in court why I'm sorry.

I seriously have a feeling of why you, Washington felt threatened by me. I should have seen it sooner, but now we have to settle everything in court. I wish I had my sensitive eye back so that I could help cure you.

I'm so sorry for all the things I've wronged you in. I would never have known in all my logical processes.