Deep O Deep Down Down

I think the world is not caving in for me because I'm seeing things with a bit more details. I used to also be so caught up in my emotions that I never really had the right mind to stake out my personalized thoughts. The time and energy that I'm spending on this blog is so little because I'm just creatively expressing anything with impromptu. I've written a few good poems of late, and these were so good to the people I shared with.

I never knew that I had a sort of poetic mind because it's really difficult for me to grasp my personal writing in poetry. In a way, it was like a check and balance for me. I think Washington has the wrong idea in communicating that my blog is a totally useless thing. I have put up a few posts that have really encouraged me along the way to develop into the writer I am today. There are still a little adjustments that I need to make here and there. Like, remembering the things I wrote and its exact context that I'm really trying to convey. It's a skill that I really have to work on. Like, if I write something with a lot of clarity, and I'm able to think the exact same thoughts as I did a year ago, then I'll think I've written something good!

The controversial parts of my blog were not very threatening, in my opinion. If they were, the people I invited to read my blog would have reported me to the police. There's a date of tardiness reflecting Washington's actions. If he felt so threatened, he would have not tried to make meetings with me. The only thing I recall is his anger problem and the added frustrations that he was tallying into my life. I'm really infuriated by the inconsistencies that he has forced me to observe. In the beginning of our friendship, I took upon Washington as a hard-cased man who didn't mind bashing on other people's problems. I then set out with short remarks that had nothing to deal with him, specifically. I had other checks and balances as well. For instance, the people I shared with about Washington never made any serious remarks of what I wrote. A possible theory is that Washington was just plain offended because I made statements that lacked in clarity. He then looked upon it with a negative perspective, as if his life is a total mess.

I think in the whole scope of things, regarding my biggest mistake of writing disordely details in high school, the maintanence of my blog does not come to be that bad of a period as in when I was absolutely oblivious and destroying a few unlikable characteristics within myself. This might have carried on loosely in my blog in that I disassociated from a lot of things that I complained about. Basically what offended Washington so much was that I called him an idiot for leaving behind his family, after his parent died of cancer. I can support these facts, but I chose not to discuss them in my blog. The restraining order basically made me feel like he had a problem with feeling incompatibility in his life. It's a shame that in his mind, I broke the contract. I never once had the chance to place my terms on the table, which are things that Washington probably never heeded and debilitated him at work by sharing so much irrationalizations! It goes to show that Washington only uses feelings and partial truths, like a manipulative person, to convince people with his arguments. He always has a sense of pride within himself and portrays to be the victim. Well, unfortunately, he dropped the ball by attacking me within his first reactions and then sobbing right in front of me.