Starting all over again

If you have been acquainted with me, then you may recall all the stupid little things I've done. The past is something we all need to forget sometimes. I know that this is something that's been very hard for me to do because I feel a lot of guilt, pain, remorse, and regrets; mostly regrets for all the bad things I've done. I don't think my sins are entirely at the worst as it can get, but it still has brought me separation from the Lord. It's very difficult sometimes to live a good life, and we all should vy for it at least. It doesn't make sense to me sometimes on why criminials do things as they shouldn't be. It's painful to see people dying on the streets, and it's now more greater than every with all the media centering on the hurricane disasters for a bit.

It's been hard for me to want to donate money to Louisiana or the Red Cross. I have wanted to be affiliated with friends or family because it makes it easy to donate money than. I think it's wonderful to have people who love each other as their own neighbors. There's another flip-side to my ethics because I have always wanted to prolong life in people as a doctor for quite some time. I think I have gave up on the adventure because my motivation level has dropped with seeing people living out recklessly. At a part of my life, I became consumed in the sexually perverted world and I have recently left it to attempt on walking with Jesus Christ!

I remember how it was all about satisfying a woman and gaining a love of my life. I have missed out, absolutely because I have never gained the confidence to talk more engagingly with someone. Nowadays, it's not the same anymore because the fire is gone from being a little uncomfortable of my physiology. It's not me that I'm worried about anymore, but the woman herself. I think I'm afraid of being ridiculed as a short guy. Thinking about it here, I don't think it makes sense at all. It feels like I'm making logical contradictions with myself, and all I really need to do is try amp up my conversations with female companions. I'm not really looking into dating or being tempted by particular women right now.

I prefer just talking and being someone who can learn to unharness his own emotions. It's buried deep within me and as of this moment, I don't care how people think about me or have the slightest idea of going for a marriage. I keep telling my closest family members how I'm thinking about getting married and the "what-if" scenarios. The closest members to me are my mom and sister. They've had moments of yelling at me and calling me stupid or trying to find ways to get me to shape up. I have found ways of getting them to evade those terms. It's been largely because of my anger from hearing what I don't hink is the truth. I can be really stubborn if I'm not understanding facts.

A large downfall for quite some time has been how I've never really accepted anything as it is without trying to understand it. I can't understand physics fully and don't have the brains to do it, I think. I don't understand God and Jesus either, but it's been from having some level of faith that's kept me in shape. It's hard to put everything on the line when one has zero faith in anything. Therefore, it can very well be the meaning to the end of life for someone who can't shed it.

New Beginning

Over at Cal Poly, they have a student residential area called the University Village. It's a bit nicer than the dorms because you can customize a phase as getting your own room. You still have to get roommates though. I'm guessing that some will like being at a dorm, no matter what other options are. It really doesn't matter what everyone considers as good for them. There are a little good and bad to many areas. The bads at this apartment is that it can get noisy with the train making its trips. I think if you aren't really a people's person then you might be better off living at the dorms because we get to be around only one roommate, whereas you have get along with three here.

The spacing is a little inefficient here, too as my architect roommate has explained to me. I figure that the noise level is also going to be a little bad here, too. Where my friend lives, it's sort of a priority for them just that they have to worry about where their clothes go and stuff. My friend lives at a peaceful dorm area at the research facility in Cal Poly, upwards and next to the school farm store.

I'm sitting right here with the lights turned off right now because I think the view is a little better, but it's not really helping too much. This is something I will really need to get used to eventually. The assimilation stages with another roommate is going to be one of those discomforts, but as time goes on I think I may or not reap some benefits.

Living a life here can be boring, but can also be made fun with some work. I think confidence is a key factor and even though sometimes it's hard to cooperate together. There are some contradictory reasons for living sometimes because you might feel that you didn't have enough time of getting something you were enjoying. It's like the mind can wander off to do meaningless things, and it can make you feel depressed because it brought you joy, but at the same time isn't going to make you absolutely happy. It's like being addicted to cocaine.

We need to limit our obsessions that make us feel we're getting no luck. We need to face more risks that are ahead of us. I'm not saying that we should put ourselves in danger, but rather keep an eye out for good opportunities. The best way that I can explain this is to know what you desire and than to have faith that you will receive it someday. It has to be something reasonable, and I don't think life gives you rewards for being selfish. God is a just being who humbles us, when He needs us to be.

Cal Poly begins soon

I have had a lot of fun, just before school begins! Yesturday, I have managed to get back from a camping trip with my two friends, who are a guy and girl, and my sister. I have gone to a Santa Barbara campsite, which is three hours from where I live. I have went without too many difficulties, except that I had this feeling of insignificance when my sister was setting up the lantern and became smart enough to pull out a very stuck stack from a tent.

From going on this trip, I have managed to learn some more people skills and gained more appreciation about people's intuitions. A negative point on this trip has dealt with a close childhood friend, who became angry about my sister and her friend alienating him. This is how he has felt because of an odd reason that I do not understand. The way that he has grown up is quite a complex matter because his best friend is his twin brother. He has grown up to accept cooperation as a very key tool of doing things. It also does not hurt the details to know that Brian has a liking for both my sister and her friend. I don't really care who likes my sister, but I do care for her well-being. Sometimes, I think it is insignificant to take into a matter that my sister starts whining about.

With my guesses, I think the bonding of people from different backgrounds happens at different rates and this term of measurement is called cohesion. The more amount of common things that are found with one another, the better the likelihood of a stable relationship with work, school, or private life. My sister is a really big toughy to get along with to my childhood friends. She's very different and a big bully outwardly because she's a girl who has been introduced to a boy's world. It's great to know that she has personally believed in Jesus Christ, by herself too. From doing some natural things to Jean, she has at one point been frustrated at me about how I don't try enough to date some female friends.

In a way, I think dating is also an art but I want to lean towards more of a friendly courtship, rather than date. I've been searching for the wrong details in my life and has caused me to screw up. I've basically taken into account about assumptions, which I have used a lot and never really changed. These have been my major details as I have grown up. My assumptions are pretty much confusing to me and don't really form until I experience it in life. People have asked not to be judged, and I have also thought this way too. I just have distracted myself by playing computer games and losing at them the whole time. This makes me feel ridiculous because I have stayed up countless hours just to try to show that I can unliterally kill everyone at those games. I've cared for the wrong things about myself, and frankly I feel happy for having been silly this whole time.

My worst sins are after all, not the worst to God because it is the same to Him. Separating oneself from God may result in destruction of self, which is dreaded naturally with himself. Discipline is always useful to the point of finding one's way and sometimes, the individual can't see the consequences and is too distracted with the past and the future to figure where they are going. Wrong judgements and assumptions don't happen uncommonly, after all. Teenagers who come on television shows to say that they are sexually active and disobeying their parents are put into boot camps where many of them break down and start trying to change themselves spiritually.

Successful people

I recently have felt that I am an insignificant being because my relatives are now growing up to find a living that they want to do. I have not been able to figure out what I truly want to do yet. I am finding that designing a website is exciting and a lot of fun. I have this feeling of how I want to do more than just be a website designer. I also like the idea of grasping an idea really well and then coaching an individual to gain that idea with my help, included. This is my definition of tutoring someone, in my best opinion.

I have firstly, asked my sister a question that has driven me to write this blog at the first place. The ketchup bottle Heinz says something like (can't remember too well) "Being good at a common thing ensures success." In a way it's true. There are common things like eating and talking. The ones who are really good at these have their own TV show. The question I have asked my sister is, "If you could be good at only one common thing and you like it a lot, what would it be?"

I recently have managed to find this site, http://tarakharper.com/k_creatv.htm, which talks about successful traits in creative people. To summarize it, there are six traits that all successful people carry. There are those creative minds in artists, but they may not have one trait which limits them to being better off. Firstly, (I'm trying to do this by memory), they're objective, inner-motivated, dedicated to their personal aestheticism, very focused, aware of what they want, and carry it out (the last three are my guesses). I have ended up rewording one of the successful traits because all these three equate to mental mobility.

Life doesn't seem so problematic when one is so aimed and faithful to his goal. It's like he can taste what he wants already. The upbringing on anyone doesn't matter because it depends on whether he is content or not. It isn't necessarily a good thought to brainwash yourself into thinking that you are truly happy, even though you are not. I have had a level of euphoria for quite some time because when I started believing in God by accident, it changed me into a completely different philosopher.

According to the Bible, it advises to think on purely good and lovely things. We should also not wrestle with the flesh, which means that our spiritual tasks should be kept separate from the other two different entities: mind and body. Our thinking sometimes gets in our way with our intentions and may result in tiring out our spiritual lives. We are doing enough already by placing our faith on the most high name of this earth, Jesus Christ. Spirituality is an interesting topic and my guess about it is that it means its where the heart of our lives is at.

Fun in website designing

What I really like about designing the club website is that it is giving me a preview of the web technologies that one has to work with. I've been trying to study some cgi scripts for making a message board, picture slide show, and calendar. I have already managed to get an e-mail and add-a-link script working. A friend has mentioned that I should also look into scripts created by c.

The difficult aspects of getting a cgi-script working is that many files sometimes have to be placed together to make the big picture. The school server has an inconvenience in that the scripts have to be called unnaturally for some undivulged reasons. The club advisor is the architect of the school server though, and I don't really want to bug him so I will have to find a different means to circumvent this discouragement.

I have thought about using php scripts, instead. I'm guessing that since it's very highly related to html, it should be more simple to work with. I think it's important to use scripts because they automate tedious tasks and make complex tasks much more feasible to obtain. Everyone has aspirations and mine is to see a nice club site up and working marvelously for years. I'm basically giving in to people who have never had a lot of motivation for doing group efforts. I'm very grateful for the server maintaining old files on the club site. I've decided to regorganize it and make it much more simpler to analyze. I've designed in Visio a conceptual website design. My friends seem to think what I have done is cool!

The only concerns I have is the temptations to become lazy and anxious about getting people to do things they don't want to. I have read about strategies for manipulating people, which is done by TV commercials. I plan to use the majority of these things, and even though I naturally hate it, I'm still going to use it. I'm starting off with glittering generalizations and transfer. I'm going to lay off of name calling because I'm assuming that we live in a holistic community of other club goers with their special interests. We should not be competitive in nature, and the president has to obviously be good at staying focused. If the club becomes successful, then I will use plain folk, band wagon, and testimonial tactics. The previous post jokes about these manipulatory things.

Utilizing a website is pretty much something you have to born with, it doesn't matter who you are of course but I think you have to have this natural tendency of desiring it beyond your motivations. It's too bad that ideas are very tough to develop in computer science and its software applications. One head is like zero heads, but two heads is a start. The more heads, the more merrier the aim is. When heads start losing productivity, then it's good to lay them off until the core heads distinguish themselves.

I finally get it!

It is really neat that the reasons for my photos taking awhile to upload is because, they are just too plain big! My 7.1 MP camera is a rare commodity, but technology is not good enough yet to upload the 1 MB file! What I will have to try right now is a compression utility, such as Microsoft Photo Editor. I could also use Adobe Photoshop, but I'm not quite sure which is better at the moment. I am going to check it out right now and then upload a decent looking photo. I have decided to use Adobe Photoshop over Microsoft's Photo Editor because I enjoy the "Save for web" feature, which lets you preview the image before you decide to save it. You still get to retain the original photo and save your compressed image at another directory if you want. It's really convenient if you are trying to place a lot of compressed images into the same directory. This amped up version of Paint keeps track of where you previously stored a saved image.

It's quite odd that people like me have the potential to do things and don't usually come around to know what that is. It's like life needs to have some suggestions of what that good life is. Advertisements try to manipulate people into doing things, such as drinking Budweiser or Miller Lite, by using a persausive maneuver called transfer. Transfer is an example of associating a product with something that is considered as high value. Like when the commercial features beer with beautiful women surrounding it. Have you seen that Axe commercial?

Now that half of the audience here, make one-half to be exact, is against getting manipulated, I am going to manipulate people to come to a club meeting. There are six aspects when it comes to persauding someone. These are glittering generalizations, name calling, transfer, testimonials, plain folk, and band wagons. You already know what transfer is. Glittering generalization is using words or phrases to arouse, yes arousalment, a good response to a product, policy, or person. Politicians can run for office by claiming a "drug-free society". Name calling is what a lot of people to each other when they especially hate each other. The purpose is to say associative things that create an unfavorable label about anything. Humpert Hubert ran for president, and his opponents successfully used the phrase, "Dump the Hump." Testimonials are what people do all the time when they make suggestions, if it's opinion based. Plain folk is seeing the president wear sports clothes while jogging on TV. He's not normal, obviously especially if he has to meet his mistresses. Band wagons are using the phrases like "Everybody is doing it." Young men, like me, have the potential to defame myself by getting women more sexually intimate by using these phrases.

Life is pretty much as good as it gets! It's wierd to hear an instructor tell you that he is a sexual addict. People expect their jobs to cause them to be well-liked by other coworkers. You can't be well-liked that much to your husband or wife if you make naughty videos with them and this catchy word, "Others." The best way to get along with your coworkers is to show an interest for them. It is nice to also mind your own business and not criticize them. Everybody expects themselves to be well-liked by others when they work.

Some people I don't know have horsed around with dangerous machines and caused damages. Employers want their workers to be on time, reliable, and expressing interest with their job. The best way to advance with your job is to basically do more. Obsequious people become more depended on and not really in the rise of advancement. If you want to stay at your own position, then start umm... butt kissing your boss and supervisors.

Boredom

Sitting here and having nothing to do, I think it's a good time for me to check up on other things. I do need to fill in some more sentences right now. I strictly feel that I have zero motivation and have this worn out effect with my psyche. My mom keeps on trying to butt in with my college efforts by asking me a lot of questions related to it. I don't really like answering a lot of my mom's questions because it gets a little too excessive. Just while I have been doing this blog, my mom has come up to me and asked me when my school begins. My mom wants to know what books I'm getting and a lot of these things about my school!

It's really odd because I have told my mom that I'm possibly not going to get married. She became upset and is trying to convince otherwise to actually get married. She has told me that I have not met the right girl, yet and that everyone has pains to deal with in this world. I feel that my upbringing results in a single life because I have had the opportunity of trying to learn about showing affection to several people but I have ended up, blowing it off.

I feel there is something to do but things related to school. I am starting to realize that my pride for has made me fail extremely with courses. I have felt it is okay to procrastinate and do things at the last minute. I have also struggled with my readings because I have never done it before class sessions. I now understand that school is all about reinforcing what we already know. Therefore, we all should learn the material before a class session.

The successful people I know are extremely focused on other things, such as their jobs and family. They still do well in their courses because they make an effort to learn something before class everyday. It is pretty much a good study habit that we all should strive for.

My sister has been acting up at me and has called me selfish. She becomes like a baby at me sometimes and nags her wishes upon me most of the time. She has always wanted a dog, for example. The reason why I bring this up is because I want to mention that my sister is an example of a failure! She doesn't really try hard enough sometimes and gets mad for her own demise. She then starts venting it to her friends and talks about how bad her life is and the mess she's been through. I don't think she's going to get married anytime soon.

Summer Break

Everyone has to have some time away from hard work because it is sometimes a big mind cruncher to read up on what everyone is doing and has been done. It is very interesting in that to succeed at school, one needs to learn the topic before it is addressed by the instructor. The instructor is only there to aid in toning the student's knowledge. Some instructors are so good at teaching the topic that they can cover everything.

The accepted ways of how to learn are not really discussable because people have lives and sometimes opinions make one discouraged about debating with them. Reading is the way to the truth, in my opinion! Listening is wonderful too, and it can be used to gather basic ideas about a topic. Reading pretty much is the source to comprehending everything, and I think if one does not make an effort to learn then he is not actually reading anything!

I have been enjoying my spring break because it has been a lot of fun. I've been hanging out with some good friends. Recently, we have talked about killer robots and time travel while drinking a can of beer. I don't believe in drunk driving but if a friend drinks beer then I see why not take one and enjoy it with him. It feels very customary to drink some draft beer with guy friends. My sister is against drinking beer, and I truly understand. I recall how Dr. Rich has made money by selling draft beer to people at the rose bowl. This is pretty funny incidents.

Two of my friends have felt that we scored with the opportunity of getting to know girls. Over at a Starbucks, I have thought it would be a good demonstration of talking to some girls for a discouraged friend. I have went over and asked if they were Korean. They have told me about how they are Christian, and I became happy to hear this. My friends and I became driven to follow them to their Friday night service at 10 PM!

The message became a very good one by the preacher, who is a Korean missionary. He has some good points and makes absolutely a lot of sense with the matters of prayer. I have had the opportunity of asking a girl her phone number, but have decided to drop the idea because my purpose of going to a service was to fellowship with other Korean Christians. My other friends have asked these girls, who they thought were pretty. One became happy, and the other became sad from striking out! My happy friend calls himself the Love Doctor, online!

Club Revival

Let's all assume something in that this club will find its way out of a hole. The purpose of doing something is to basically stay active and benefit almost everyone who is interested in being part of a club. We can't cover everything in a year, so the best way is to make progressions. There comes a period in time where someone starts figuring that the best path in life is not selfish and hormonal desires. It becomes very useful to be acquainted with creating something out of nothing. Becoming wealthy, which means living a full life with all of the desires of one obtained, happens by doing the right things. Is it true that cause creates an effect? Most likely it can just be the case.

If I am to look at myself and get a clear visual of what I want in life, then I am to believe that this visual which is advancing others is possible with a lot of faith and effort. Our minds are equipped to create a substance out of nothing because the idea is coming from nothing. We should have faith and effort in obtaining something that we desire. There is no need for one to covet after another's possessions. We do not have to hurry and be competitive. We simply need to do the right things to succeed in life.

To desire wealth is not a bad thing because it is a natural thing to make advancements in life. Wealth is not all about having the most money because the richest man can be miserable. It is a state that causes satisfaction in self and others. This wealth can be used to promote others, and this is how it should be. One should always associate with what he desires.

If one associates with failure, then he will inevitably fail. To constantly keep in mind with faith on something that one desires will cause this person to receive something he wants eventually. We are all capable of achieving wealth and no competition can keep us from gaining it. There is no need to fight others and to maintain selfishness for the greater good of self. Some excel well in competition because it is their skill. Being competitive means being hasteful. We should be completing things as fast as possible but not doing it with haste.

We should all desire wealth and promote others. The will begins by associating with wealth and getting a clear visual of this desire in your mind. We have mind, body, and soul. We must have desire in some sense for each aspect in order to maintain a higher quality of life. It is not the way for one to keep in regard with animal desires. This is not life. From what I know, the true life is to know that a deity doesn't want us to live in poverty. We all have prayers and want to assist a person we love. Without wealth, we cannot spread love. The true essence of this wealth is found by creativity of a substance from nothing.

Funny and bad incident

It occurs to me that everyone doesn't have their good days, including me. I have received word from a person who has actually read these stupid blogs about how I'm really cocky when it comes to talking about Jesus Christ. I think he's just made several remarks with incorrect justifications, implying that he's not really fit for the job of being my Bible study teacher! I've decided to call off the relationship, and I'm going to join a ministry to serve the Lord Christ. I feel it is going to be necessary to lend a hand with everything, especially with potentially irresponsible people. Something has really bothered me about this person who has taught me the Bible. He has turned fickle and implied moodiness with his writing. I think he's an off-and-on person when it comes to believing in God; he's also working on the ministry he wants to be at.

I'm frankly concerned about others who may be like him and so I need to join to ensure that God can have better servants. I have the freedom of choice with this matter because I've been given it from the day I have decided to accept Jesus into my heart.

The funny and bad incident I meant to talk about, away from my religious digressions, is that I recall writing a dumb letter about getting people to come to a pool in a desert location, which implies the university village. No one has replied to this e-mail, and for it, I have been unwillingfully tearing myself into pieces. I have a lot of stupid moments that I can't get off my mind, such as doing a stupid video and making stupid comments that has implied racial slurs to an art teacher. I have done a lot of stupid things on accident and some just for the fun of it, unfortunately.

It is difficult for me to keep things off my mind sometimes and to stay on course with other things. I have struggled with possibly the most human errors you can make while in a logical state. My life has suddenly numbed down quite a portion with my thoughts of getting married. Therefore, I have no need to want to indulge myself in lustful fantasies via media or video tapes.

I am just about getting ready to graduate in possibly one more quarter. People seem to be assuming that it is okay for a young boy like me to take my time. These people include my dad and neighbor. I feel a little attraction, but not really so love with my neighbor who is old enough to be my grandma! She does seem to wear makeup and has this surprising look or enlightenment when I come over to help her out. She gives me money when I give her some advice, and I ask her to stop. She just keeps giving it away, implying that I deserve it.

Leadership

Everyone makes mistakes in life, and some just think it is plain wierd to make one at certain instances. For example, if you do everything on your own with a club, then people are like what the heck is this guy thinking. I know that is how I've been. An offbeat person taking on a bunch of CS majors who think I'm a moron. It doesn't matter what has happened because I've gained a higher confidence level, not from my own vanity but from appreciating better things than myself. My sister is a person, in other words; she's not someone you can toss aside for your pleasures sometimes. She has feelings, too and can be of great help. It is moments like these that make me see value in people's lives. I'm not saying to be a religious person with no beliefs, when I propose that we all should read the Bible.

I finally get it. There are those who like to follow and very vulnerable to peer pressure. What this influence brings is going to widen a person's belief system. Some will not want to give in and feel it is too big of a burden to carry out. That's how I became in the high school fads; whereas, my sister Jean became that way with religion. It's a very bad thing to go after something spiritually, when you know that it is just a religion to you. I'm not trying to say that Christianity is a bad religion. To me, it is my faith, love, and hope. It means more to me than a religion and so this sort of passion keeps me going. Some don't have it to the expectation levels of Jesus, and frankly, we all don't. His main message to us is an invitation, just as Billy Grahm has said to the kingdom of God. We are also chosen and appointed only by the Lord. There is no need to feel a burden of religion, and it is wrong! A moral justification of the Bible does help to show its appeal, at least to me.

Students have claimed that they are not going to support the club anymore. It's alright, not everyone has stuck around with a do-it-yourself device from a garage. It's been about the joy and of course, fortunes. There has always been the ups and downs in a business. A year of misfortune is not really a big deal, if you take into consideration all of the developing ideas. I'm having a go at it the second time, and I'm really happy to think about it. A disappointment has happened because no one really frankly sees it as a necessity. It's alrite, we don't really have to pursue after them because we are looking for an ideal club ran by Jesus Christ, himself. There is no shame to my faith. The second to last sentence about Jesus running this club is a little unclear because I am implicitly stating that the non-supporters are like a foe to me. To run a club, it isn't about feeling people's glory or have someone gravel at your feet. In other words, it isn't about the president feeling vanity.

Many disagree, especially women. It isn't about thinking about all of your happiness and rewards and what God has to offer. It is a very noble act to care about others even with the slightest hint of serenity.

Things to do first

I've finally been inspired to write something that deals very heavily with the club matters, not stuff! The word stuff in my opinion is a very bad thing to say because it reminds me of a very bad word that I prefer not mentioning to the public. Recently, I've had the privileges of hanging out with good friends who I've not known for a very long time. They have come every week to chill at my parent's home, even late at night. It's been a good feeling because we've gone places, as a big group. A guy who I know of is pretty good at thinking up stuff to do, as a group. Oops, I have said stuff to someone else. He has created games and have made us go places to eat, which he likes doing to us. This is something I can learn off of for this club. I am noticing how he is doing ice-breaker stuff for people to get comfortable with each other. It then becomes a given that the ones who want to talk start talking to those who are important to him or her.

Because we have gotten so acquainted with each other now, it does not feel like these people are barging into my life. Plus, I have enjoyed their company with me. My sister, Jean, is starting to loosen more up with me by being less bratty. She has offered me to go on a date with some Korean exchange student, whose trying to master English and is an engineering major. I have decided to decline, just because Jean is a younger sibling than me; it should instead be the other way around in my perspective.

To summarize this story short, I want to introduce some games for people to do at the meetings that I've done with my outings. It's really about getting to know the girls more for me, and it still remains professional because there's no girl who'll be in charge of setting up dates with her friends. I think I have finally reached the point of no return to stupid things because I'm starting to pick up the book more often, now. I'm also caring for my family's business a lot. I've done a simple thing for my dad at his company, and he has paid me back with a good prime rib dinner and a hundred dollars. My life is going smoother and more responsibily now; even though I should stop skipping classes! We all have worries, every once in awhile because we fall apart naturally. We need to find a new step of good direction by praying to the Lord, not Buddha. There's only one God who lives in our hearts, and he's Jesus Christ. I believe absolutely that Jesus is the only person who will change the lives of anyone.

It really looks like, if I go over plans with myself about how something should go, at the least, the day before then everything will go well! I have hated losing precious time at the best meetings, by squandering it with meaningless squibbles of my speech. I have wanted life to spring up in this club, and it is happening in time and a matter that is dilligent. Having lost a lot of sleep over the last year, I have gained new skills by getting angry at myself. This isn't the best way to go about things, although it is acceptable in a scary way.

There are a lot of opportunities out there in this world, and it just has to be found. Science is a game of finding discoveries and enabling us all to continue taking advantage of the developments. Research is a meaningless expression that has been regarded as a force to be reckoned with by some institutions. Time and dedication to research becomes a routine to some of the best scientists in the world! The motivation is yet to be found from people who matter the most to us, and this sometimes can be for the worst, if we are not careful. Sometimes, it takes personal manipulation just to get started and after that, things get rolling. The wear and tear factor is heartbreaking beause there's a limit to how much we all can study at once. By studying in smaller increments that is set in longer time spans, it should allow anyone to at least master the course material. To go further into the material and do creative things with it, it will take even more brilliance and talent. Some just have the knack for it, whereas others just don't have the time for it or can't do it at the moment, for whatever reason. Even though you get a 100% on an exam, it doesn't necessarily mean you are smart. It just means you are getting positive feedback from how you study, and if you don't feel good while doing this then I suggest you stop destroying yourself for the wrong reasons.

Club Shout-out

It's great to know that two people who never really have showed up for the club meeting, last year, have asked me about the club. I'm dedicating this post for people who are interested but haven't been able to reach me. The club has been formed in the past by a group of people, formerly known as the Bits N' Chips. They have been a legacy to the CS Department because of their shrewd ways of forming a large clique. From reading about their few posts online, I have noticed that they did a lot of website designing, which has dealt with javascript, perl/CGI, and other stuff. The club has faded away since because all the diligent originals and moguls left the campus!

It seems as though we are currently passing the phase of a humble beginning. What I mean is, I have found a few guys who are willing to work on fun stuff we think up. No routine has been set from last year because it has always been about people showing up. From having this experience of a large negative one, it's always been about the content that's been judged by everyone as important or not. True, I have slacked off a lot by introducing an infinite feeling of stuff to do at the last weeks of the spring quarter. For a starter, it can be nice if I specify the introduction and requirements of everything we will be doing to keep on pace.

I am honored to have been endorsed by everybody whose been involved with my campaigns. There is a successor I have in mind of, and he's Top Genius. A background has fed his brain to dedicate to open sourcing, 24-7. It's been relatively cool, but not the best to have Evil Mac Genius as our new advisor. He really has missed out on stuff by being discouraged by me! Not to mention, Srinivas has felt the same way by advocating a professor to kick me out of a CS course. What has happened about it? Oh, nothing, I just got into a huge talk-fight fest with an infamous CS teacher. I have beaten him because he's never replied once to my interesting e-mails that appeal even to me, to this day. Anyway, the name calling has been a well-labeling factor; I have just called him a jerk, and he has taken it up the alley which is a very good sign for everyone. I am mentioning this; I hope he's going to be a more socially engaging professor and mentor to good students. It's time to let go of the past and hold back on the satisfactions I have found from arguing with Dr. HK Liu. He's most likely not going to.

Writing is powerful

A former bad-boy roomate has told me that e-mails stick with professors. I have not been able to notice this because when I write, I do it without the curse words. It is interesting enough that a reader can be offended when the text is written in such a way that emits derogatory meanings. It becomes a clash with his or pride on the line; some try to exact revenge and play the logical game of figuring out whose meant to do well in life and not. I did write an e-mail to a professor, who I will not name. He has been an ugly complicated figure to a lot of my friends, who has taken him with me. The women seem to not have any trouble with this guy though; it could very well be that a female professor has decided to defend this poor fellow who never writes back!

What I have done is very unheard of because I have done something that could very well be done briefly in television or on the movie. I have done the act of talk-fighting with this doctorate, who has decided to be a personal show-off of his small invested powers. This professor is someone I do not recommend taking because of his style of giving minimum effort to his students. He does enjoy throwing curve balls, instead of the traditional fast balls to teach his students. It's like he goes against the student's expectations and sometimes feels that he isn't a good person to hang around with. The man is a Chinese wierdo who won't get in your way if you don't. It's much the way that I am, too. If someone has made me mad without any previous history of experience, then I can be a bad person to hang with too.

There is a comparison with both of us, in how we act. The difference is how he has decided to make retreats more often to spend time with his boy. I am a winner of this stupid event, but I have the ugly mind that I have described to this fellow as well. I still can't apologize because of the bad experiences that he gave me, physically. Spiritually, I love the man and want to wish him the best of luck; no hard feelings. I forgive him of everything that he's done to me, but I can't apologize. He is supposed to be my mentor, at this point!

My slip up

I feel that I have greatly done a disobedient act for Jesus the Messiah, this time. This post is going to be offensive for some people because I am going to be outspoken about my immoral act. Here goes:

I have become in a sinful mood with the ladies today. I have gone online and have done some searching for lustful material that is inferior to pornography. My old habits have taken over me and have caused me to forget about all the regrets that I will accumulate. I have found things dealing with movies that contain lustful footage. It has made me waste time and now I don't know if I'm constipated! The reason that I reflect on this poor image of myself is so that I'll rely on a better source than myself to keep me at a repentant stage for the rest of my life.

I have condoned the fornications that are found with movies, which has weakened me. I still have yet to get married and attempt at raising a family. It is like all eyes are glued on me to make great expectations occur. I have no help in the matter in fixing my bad interests. All I can really do is stop slipping up, at the start. A little dose for me can immediately become a new compulsive behavior, after doing so well.

Time is precious, like money. It means that our decisions will cause scarcity with doing something wickedly pleasurable. Nothing is going to happen, if one just thinks about creating results. If changes are thought upon, then results will occur. I am never going to have the power to change people into the good godly figure that I see as fit. This means that I will constantly have to face dummies, who lust after the worst things and actually be getting temptations to sin, influentially.

A good club this year will mean that I am a good student ready to take on the bad sides of the world. If it stays bad, then it is pretty much a statement from God telling me that something is wrong! I need to become more persistent now and let my developing ethic take over my evil and wicked desires.

Valuable Club Lesson

I have had the privilege of traveling to Laughlin with my family and relatives that size up to thirty-four people. What I have done over there is gamble about fifteen bucks, which took me 3 hours to lose on the poker machines. I broke jackpot a couple times by hitting a four-of-a-kind and a straight flush once, but it is not enough when you keep betting only one nickel! We went to this jet ski area, and I let my sister drive the water vehicle all over Colorado River. I just kept on telling her to drive very fast, which she did on the bumpiest courses. I had a lot of fun hugging her, although she is still quite emotionally unstable about her opposite sex relationships. She's over 18 by the way and needs a nice man to steal her heart for the greatest thing possible, which is to make her realize that she is a kind person and loved very much by God.

We fight a lot, Jean and me; it's enough to make my parents go bonkers! They advise me to just scold Jean and stop being retarded. I don't want to do that because I can learn so much more by figuring out where Jean's coming from. Don't whack your siblings dummies, unless the young one is still a baby to you. Then, I'll take what I said back. Getting back to the true subject, I've been doing some natural thinking about this club.

The reasons for my failures is because of people's conflicts of interests. For example, Margarita and Mike find studying for tests to be more attractive than attending meetings every say, two weeks. This goes to show that we all have wishes and wants that differ from each other. I see it this way, and the other bad person doesn't want to listen to me. I don't have to mention any names because they didn't show up!

My dad is CEO at his almost small engineering facility; briefly, I have mentioned they build airplane parts and manufacture them for Boeing and Douglas. He tells me he became to first to wake up and to ignore all of his selfish thoughts on the day he was supposed to play golf. The moral of this story is that in order to lead a successful business, you have to be selfless by attending to other's concerns, no matter what! That's what I intend to do with the aftermath reflections of this post. Have a safe evening with your family. Bon appetit!

The Ultimate Folding Power

The reason why I have chosen to title it this way is because I need to let go of my addiction with poker. I am just too good at it, and it is making me lose mindful concentration on better things with life. There is a trade off here that everyone must make. You either avoid that period of life, or you just go right in and call it. Some people believe life is a game of chances, near misses and hits. The more hits you get the better productive your life gets. This is the how the world of poker makes you think.

I believe there is a contradiction to this game. First of all, probability is like a hoax. You think you have a great chance of winning and so you bet all in. What happens when you don't get that win? You pretty much lose all of your possessions. Folding in fact becomes a good thing to deal with in life. Others sometimes don't see how lucky they are getting or the reasons for their failures. When I play poker, it is like I'm among a seat of mockers because I scoff at the winners who have finally lost all of their betting prowess.

The ultimate trade-off with life is having the will to fold on something you know is sometimes a good feeling to have. Others are something one has to deal with, when he or she is competing for the ultimate prize of some game. The more people who play at this game, the less likelihood of a chance you have at winning. Without collaborations from friends, you will never get free tips to try out. Without the proper upbringing, you will never know when to perform in life.

Relying on chance becomes a game of chance and possible losing streaks. I personally hate losing at something a lot of people are trying to go after at the same time. Computer games have this effect, for example. It now becomes true to my heart that however amount of performance ones do at something is going to affect how well they do at it. It then becomes a choice of what that ultimate prize should be. It is all about how it fits to one's life.

I personally have had too many ambitions, all too soon. This cuts down on the elementary things that I have to find out. A list of all the good things is something we should write up to see where we are at. Secondly, a goal is something to consider. Lastly, changes must be made with our habits so that we can obtain this true substance of glory. I'm going to have to fold at the competitive world of entering the stage of poker. Don't be lazy, figure out what you want to know about and search for those proper answers on Google. If you can't do this yet, then develop on your reading skills so that you will have a better chance at becoming a resourceful person and successful someone.

Brainstorm ideas

Many thoughts cause me to feel that we should have our meetings somewhere else besides room 4. What I really like about 345 is that it has a window for people to look out at, when people are feeling pretty dazed out about their lives. It also feels good to look at the blue sky sometimes. There are about 50 seats in this room as well, which is more than ample and can attract people into thinking that we are a huge club. Finally, Bits and Chips has a club long time ago, where they have had meetings somewhere else besides room 4. The Lord has blessed me with a good club to lead, even though it has been ugly at the start. Jesus has died on the cross to save his believers from dying in a miserable world and ending up in eternal damnation. The Bible describes hell as a lake of fire. This is supposed to be encouraging in that the believers now have a perfect mediator to connect with God. For God so loved the world, He gave his only son Jesus to die for our sins.

The best characters in the Bible are like Moses, King David, and several good figures. These people have served God really well, and God is unchanging and stable. God is perfect, whereas people age and change and rot because of their sins. The Holy Spirit is there to reach all of us willing to get to have a closer relationship with the Lord.

It's time to pray before each meeting and to grant requests from members. It is important to give unconvicted hearts a chance to reach a fellowship that used to be secular.

Some ideas that I want to work on is creating a chatroom from nearly scratch and adding voice functions on it because it would be cool to learn about it. It is also going to be useful in helping people. We can have online sessions and sometimes gather for playing cards for like an hour. It doesn't have to be perfectly the way I see it. It is all about what God has it for us to do in allowance.

Social Drunkard

The reason why I made the title a highlight is because a friend of mine was on the booze. He talked to me and told me arrogantly about how he could get anyone to join the CSS club. CSS stands for computer science society, and he said CSS society. I thought it was pretty wierd to think, Computer Science Society Society when you are drunk. We ended up playing horse at the basketball court. He made some tough shots, but I ended up slaughtering him because I did not want to lose a shot to a drunk guy. I had previously warmed up earlier in the day buy making five free throws in a row. It took me nearly an hour to make all of those shots.

This guy was taking some CS classes by the time that I was writing this. He claimed that every CS senior should be an executive officer in this club. It sounded silly because I know these people don't really want to do it because they were pretty lame people. These people were the graduating seniors of 2005 and not too many were cool about being part of a club they thought was dead. Not even a single hint of the struggles made a dime for them. I felt I deserved to banter them like that.

Getting back to these seniors, I thought about my friend Tim, who enjoys smoking and drinking occasionally. I met an officer of the school, and he told me he had a few licks corresponding to whatever amount of alcohol. I thought it was okay, but for Tim he acted very whoozy, and I meant it to sound funny. He ended up missing some easy shots and made it look so bizarre without any grace. He challenged me, and I decided to play along because I didn't really want to see him get upset. I said I would grant his requests because I agreed with some of the matters he had said.

I felt you can't really replace all the guys who had come to you in the first place because they were throned above all the others as the best. I thought to myself that he won't remember much of this incident because he drunk a little too much. I hoped to myself that he drank some water to ease the head cramps when he gets them. I believed at the time that he was a happy drunk. A football got smashed into his head, and he still felt happy at the person who threw it. It was very mean of course because they threw it twice.

I knew about a girl watching us play some basketball, and I didn't know if Tim and her had any relationship. I was glad to swiss a lot of the shots when I played Tim. I was sort of under the pressure of making some shots, so that the match would end quick. I believed at the time of the end of this writing that I would wake up with a few cramps on my knees and thighs for using them so much during basketball.

Wierd Thought

I know everyone has their own talents, and preferably knows what to do with their lives. Take for instance, Top Genius, my friend and the Vice President of this club who I want to take over this club after I'm gone. He enjoys browsing the internet for software and updates related to computers in general. When one uses Linux, it requires a lot of dedication to figuring out what computer concepts are. There's another fellow by the name of Evil Mac Genius, who is the club advisor and a really good CS teacher. He prefers keeping it simple and enjoying the cool designs Appleware comes up with. If you factor me in, I'm really a life that seems to go beserk sometimes because things go off and on around here. After being totally clueless to how the people function for a very long time, I am phasing back in, and it has been long for me to accept Christ into my life again, again, and again.

I feel slightly saddened for messing up all the time. I have never really been good at first time trials. The value I have learned is patience, off of my life's mistakes. It's like playing basketball and just shooting over and over until your shots go in, finally! I never really had a talent for reading and studying, but I have kept on going at it without giving up. Sometimes, the feeling became so dramatic I could not continue any longer. There came a period in all my twenty unit friends, where we all felt empty in pursuing after an academic mission. I do not know to what degree, but for me, I became absolutely sickened for awhile in having to stay awake all the time, falling asleep in classes, and not getting the grades I felt I deserved. It is a period of mischievousness when one develops a sarcastic attitude. It sure can be funny to observants, but to me I felt anger at a lot of people.

It does not matter what I thought these people did because everyone has their pet peeves. By learning about the truth, which is so difficult if you can't talk to the person directly, I became more confident about fishing for more members in this club. It is obvious no one is perfect. I thought to myself, I used to be a person who could do everything on his own. In fact, I have but not to a degree that pleases people. I know that without the truth of all things, people will feel that others are vicious to them. For example, people don't show up to a meeting and a conceived thought goes around in how everyone is making fun of a club. This is not a healthy image to feel.

One of the most difficult things that an independent leader can't do is ask for answers. It is so hard for them to open themselves up to controversial matters because they already have the sight set on a conceived simple model. Not many can rise to the occasion for breaking the ice. Being an ice breaker can also have its rewards because you find new things, but sometimes it is for the worst. A friend of mine used to always travel to the full usage of his brain to get advantages for himself. It would be a habit and very difficult to pass up. I in fact have felt the pain all the time of people making any excuse for not showing up to the meetings I have tried to host on my own. It truly isn't easy being the chairman of a club that doesn't have lackluster.

There's an answer to an inside question for why I keep trying to progress with the development of this club. There are new things to try out and new principles to learn about making a successful business. It becomes a passion to figure out how much one should not care about the opposition. Instead of trying to just force people to come, it's a good time to figure out what qualified people need in their lives. I have not been able to figure out why people might think of me as a jerk, or why I have been sinking below the average. I have unusally been cautious about approaching women, but maybe staying away from a few might be in fact a bad thing, both ways! A good school is wonderful to attend to. You have diversity, challenging instructors, smart and beautiful women, great developing friendships, and many trials to figure out what you absolutely stand for in life. What's your take in life especially besides an occasional pizza with beer? What about things to do with your friends?