Boy, I'm not very emotionally stable at the moment and it's this feeling of emptiness that's associated with my body. It's really discouraging to try to talk to people because my style isn't that great. I have grown up as not a talker but more of a thinker of my conscience. I've made a lot of bad decisions in the past and knew I was making them. I also became trapped into this cycle of addiction. I know it's all about keeping a constant and steady pace. My body doesn't seem to have that discipline to do it. From childhood, I've never been able to take out my restlessness when it came to getting things done. With all of these things, I have lacked a lot of advice which I made my idol. I've always had this sort of spiritual sense of being told what to do to make my life happy. My parents and peers have made an assumption that there really isn't any problems with my life. My mom was like one of the proudest people in my life because of my steadiness. I became ensnared by my lusts for playing video games and actually passing them. My psyche became totally dependent upon how I was playing a video game. Today, I am mourning about my past and doing the best I can to make my end's meet. I'm totally used to segregation with the normal crowds. I never really did so well in the big ones. I grew up with a shock of being physically left out by people I played with. I was one of those people who was chosen last for everything, but I was at the top of my class at different periods of my life. I certainly did have this edge of wanting to get A's, no matter what it took. I started losing it because I became worn out from having to go to school over and over again, with each grade. I wanted to skip all those years and get right into the meat with a solid teacher guiding me. These blessings are truly not what I have had, but I don't really care after all. Even though I mourn, my existence doesn't really care about it at all. There are a few good influences I have had in my childhood and faith is one of the most useful tactics that you have to get to. I'm now at this point in my life where everything has to be in place. My weakness is that I can't do that perfectly as I would like it to be. Looks like through having gone a lot of sufferings, I'm relying on the Bible more than ever, and it's comforting though challenging sometimes. I do feel like a work in progress for it though.
EYY

Today, I had a pretty bad day because I was kicked out of my brass ensemble class. I have been playing the trumpet and euphonium. The euphonium is like a tuba but way smaller. The instructor Gary told me that I'm making everyone wait on me and was making an accusation that I don't know the music. He also told me to not to come back, if I couldn't play the music. I can seriously play the music, but it's just me sometimes in that I can't keep up with the tempo. Oh well, I'm going to keep showing up to class. It pretty much is painful to be going through this negative event because I couldn't be so attentive to class lectures today. I'm just being an idiot by placing a lot of blame on myself with those feelings. Those feelings cause me to rethink and find some wrongs. When I'm feeling mad, I tend to think up things that could ethically go against the person I'm mad at. For the most part, I was pretty sad today and much stuff from math class didn't go in today to my head. I'm just being a dummy. The bright side is that I I believe that this music class is helping me learn about accountability and improvisation. I've been collaborating with the instructor freely a lot by giving him feedback about what's going on. I even gave him a phone call and left this cold message to him. I implied that I don't really care if he kicks me out of class, just that I'm going to keep trying. I told him that I don't like to reason with feelings. It's pretty true because I'm not very affected emotionally a lot of the times.
EYY

Today is Casino Night as well as Gethsamane Prayer night. I might be attending the Gethsamane which starts after the Casino Night. For the Casino Night, I will be suiting up and taking four of my friends, which includes my sister. My sister and her "girl" friend will be wearing a dress, I suppose. They are both like a sister to me and will be my date tonight. I'm taking two girls to Casino Night. It's been quite a journey for me this week because my emotions were not very consistent. I guess since I'm human, it's only normal for me to feel that way but I am pretty well driven by living a life of principle. It's also a really good thing when the emotion of goodness kicks in while you are also living a good life with the proper attitude. Sometimes, a good life isn't enough to reach God, or the greatest thing of all. A good life is what some people are inevitably going to resort to because it may be in a form of calling but which they do not know so keenly. It's through the gift of God that everyone has an amazing or unique gift. Whether it be a good artist or to someone who remains consistently joyful to be alive to see anyone filled with energy. It's through our prayers to the holy one, Jesus Christ, that people will come to see his kindness and patience to us in being led to a heart of repentance. It isn't about religion, it's about what our heart's intentions are supposed to contain. It is in fact the secret to an eternal life of happiness filled with love, joy, peace, faithfulness, patience, kindness, and goodness.
EYY

Hey man, everything seems to be going for me smoothly because I just blew the opportunity of talking to this one army guy throughout the whole school year. He doesn't really have any interest in me anymore because I'm adding a lot of details that may have gone all over his head. I'm planning to join the army and see if I can enlist as a linguist because I want to learn Korean and serve my country. I owe it to the government because they provided my education. Today, I have gone to a witness meeting for my club and I let God guide me in talking about Jesus Christ to a woman. That was really the first time I talked to a woman in sharing the gospel, and I was pretty nervous. God decided to change her heart by accepting Jesus as her Lord and savior. I'm pretty down with that because heaven has still yet to rejoice for others to come. I will keep this woman in my prayers. I want to make it my priority to excel in school to glorify God.
EYY

Today, I'm starting to realize how some women are hopelessly driven to be in an engaging relationship with the man of their dreams. I've made this discovery by feeling that "duhness" of my body, but it kind of helps to have looked at a website where vulnerable women might hop into. Biblically speaking in Genesis, it mentions how Eve was going to be reliant on Adam for her needs. I believe that there are exceptions to this proverb because God has raised prophetesses throughout the whole scriptures. A prophetess is a female prophet. It's really crazy to see how the strongest people also have weaknesses somewhere. Man or woman befriending one may be a very rewarding task. Reflecting on today's Bible study, it occurs to me that Christians do a lot of religious things sometimes which could be burdensome upon them. The truth of the matter arrives at the heart of each individual's soul. The intentions of the heart are what truly matters. Will a person who teaches good be a hypocrite? In other words, do they have the right to condemn others for their misdeameanors as they also transgress? The answer is obviously no, and God will be the deliverer of justice! I finally see that without any details my words of some revolving truth will suck. God is this awesome creator who puts peace back into our hearts, if we are willing to repent of our wicked past and acknowledge that the perfect life of Jesus Christ who rose from the dead has come from reigning in heaven to save us! The Book of Life has already been written after eternity has passed, so will you confirm your spot by accepting Christ today?
EYY

Man, I look pretty old today from facing the mirror. I have a lot of scars on my face, which makes me wonder why women don't talk to me really. It's okay for now, but I think only time will show how I've taken better care of myself and I'll leave up to God to decide what my appearance should be for his glory. It's so important to know the aspects of human life because even the most minute detail of our hearts can be an indicator of who we are. Conversating helps a lot and really finds some encouraging trips for the participants to travel on. It's through this moment of time where we all can start to realize where our weaknesses are and how we can truly fix them. For me, I feel that I spend so much time recapping about what just happened that it takes a couple precious minutes off my daily tasks. I think that I don't have enough motivation to get off of it because I'm not fully consistent enough to recall everything that I must do. It's also difficult because I don't have a car to travel to places more conveniently so I'm sort of stuck without that luxury. Helping the heart sounds a lot of fun, but I lack so much in doing it. I believe that I don't have all the basic foundations fully laid out yet for me to really start growing by putting in a lot of time with something. I guess I don't have that common sense as most do, but I won't stop trying to reach a very productive state because this is my calling from God.
EYY

Why my life used to be poor

This is my second blog post, and I still haven't been quite tuned to being very well off yet physically and mentally. I'm like being contradictory to many things because I'm just putting myself into a too relaxed position in my life. I have this calling to become better and more dilligent. Thinking about the time of the ice age where people were grunting and making noises to communicate, I think there were those who were called by heart to standardize their language and then teach it to others. It's like our people status has always existed from the start and not evolved from some ape-look alike species. I know that apes have similar DNA with us but I still can't believe ourselves being inferior to those creatures! I also have had a life that pretty much sucks from the day I was born. For instance, I necessarily didn't have the best parents because my mom was accustomed to only raising her voice and telling me emotional ideas that don't make sense like being the most happy when you are a child. She's also told me that young people don't need a lot of sleep because since their bodies are strong, they will wake up refreshed after a good night's sleep. I don't know if that's true because even old people can train their bodies to adapt to certain conditions even though their peak physique has passed for ages. My parents have fought a lot over small matters which turned out to be very huge arguments. They have both started screaming and yelling at each other giving lectures about what's right and why the other is wrong. There's been this separation gap between the two as well because my dad has gone into the patio to pop in a videotape and avoided talking to my mother in Korean. That really sucks because I couldn't learn so much. My dad has also told me to be very dilligent and study hard even though I didn't know how to. I then have seen my dad pop in another videotape and look really lazy on the couch by laying there and looking like a couch potato. I have told him that he was a couch potato, and he has raised his voice denying that he is a couch potato. He's been under a lot of stupidity by yelling his and I being his youngster, I have wanted to avoid any confrontations with him. He has told me to not to smoke and drink a lot, where else he has. I think he has said something like how he can control more than others can or with a deeper meaning involved in it. I think my dad smokes because of his pride to do it. My dad has also implied that he wasn't the best child by being the youngest and making a lot of girlfriends with the ugliest face. My dad has had to win my mom's heart by repetitiously calling her home before they were married. My mom has hated my dad and even screamed at him trying to get away from him. My dad has told me that my mom has worn shoes that made her look five inches taller in the past. My mom doesn't deny them, which makes me feel a little sad sometimes. Hearing about my pagan family and atheistic heritage makes me feel a bit sad, and it sucks. It has sucked so much that I've said it so much that my dad would get mad at me claiming that I'm like "what the heck" to my ancestors. So I've been forced to be around so many mishaps, personal failures, and disappointments that I'm starting to realize that I've been an idiot all this time to try to serve other gods in my life, such as television and the god-awful porn. I've pretty much been very encouraged to repent by none other than the Holy Spirit. I realize that I have so many strengths that I don't end up using them because I don't know how to. My simple model that I've thought up is to get the most important tasks done. By placing God first in my life, I'm filled with a lot of opportunity to grow bigger in my stay here at earth. There is a God out there and not many including worldly Christians see it all the time. An utmost fruit of joy, love, peace, faithfulness, patience, goodness, and kindness is associated with Christianity. To acknowledge the Son of God's existence is enough to not to need only selfish blessings from Jesus Christ. It's pretty much the smartest route to take in this life because doing everything onto the Lord with all your heart in whatever you do is a blessing. Not every devout Chrisitian is a pastor because women are also called to lead the household of her offspring.
EYY

I'm currently logged on wirelessly at home and remotely connected to someone elses internet. It's pretty unreliable because my laptop doesn't always detect it. I'm currently watching stuff on TV which is about the quarterback. I also ran a half marathon today of 13.1 miles with my family. I have a younger sister whose about 19 and goes to UCI. She's pretty feisty so don't approach her if you are going to annoy someone. Running today was fun and I think I lost four pounds today from doing it. I took about two hours and my family finished twenty minutes later, excluding my dad who took three hours. I'm very impressed about how there were bigger people who was running better than me. I mean people who you would never expect to run a marathon very well. They finished earlier than two hours, and that's impressive. I saw a man who pushed a baby stroller while running! The marathon today had a count of 10 K runners. I believe only one of them commented about how I was short behind me while I was running which means that I'm not that that short. My main objective was to glorify the Lord by finishing the race but I think I need to train a lot harder for next year.
EYY

Sometimes dreaming a lot can be bad for you by fostering the development of your pride. For me, I'm sometimes able to control my own events that go on in my dream. It's like I'm the sole center of knowing what's going on everywhere. I just got up right now and received a phone call from my mom. I'm speaking naturally in Korean in these days but still limited in it but I want to learn more about Korean. I think going to the army to do a civillian job would be a great way for me to give back to the government who has supplied me with free education. The Bible says not to take ill-gotten gain for granted because it creates a bad proverb for the person who is taking advantage of it. For the last couple years, I felt I was taking advantage of the government and became emotionless to the idea of going to school and just had this period of not getting much done at school and merely existing. I need to go my laundary done right now so that I can go home with less things. I am taking this labtop with me though and what I'm going to do is to try to minimize even less my load by setting up a computer at home sooner or later. Right now, I have this calling to get some programming done and that is what I will focus on.
EYY

It's this time of the year again where everything doesn't always go according to plan. I'm not very disappointed at really anything but it really seems like that my mind can fixate on people visually. Our hearts and souls are corrupted, and we must get them repaired by our Lord, Jesus. I'm facing an emotional breakdown but not that big because it's the end of the week and I have to keep going. I can't stop going after doing my homework and must keep it by getting done early. It is then that by being on top, I will be able to master school a lot better. There is this unique for me to do well in school because I want to be very well educated enough to be able to have a great sense of knowing myself and going to a place of learning. I don't have the calling to really become a preacher, nor do I have a calling to go really in depth with the Lord of God. It's like I have banned myself from having deliberately sinned under deceit. I am going under a period of mourning because I have not reached a dilligent status yet. Eventually, I should be able to control my emotions a lot better.
EYY

Today, I have gone online for no apparent reason at all because I have this urge to finish up my writing. Okay, now it's starting to kick in so I was at this career fair orientation and this army dude who is a sergeant told me about how I could be an intelligence analyst. It's basically a linguist. That sounds pretty cool, and it does deal a lot with computers because we have use all this telecommunication equipment. I think I could gain a lot of experience through this environment as well as get a master's in business and software engineering. I personally believe that software should be free and that it's the service that one should pay for, such as getting assisted on how a software works. This refers to a service oriented economy and should be alrite for software people. It's pretty nice to know that even though I am a short being. It really doesn't matter how short one is, and I'm just being an idiot to think otherwise that it's not okay to be short.
EYY

Spiritual Recap

I have realized that God's power over mankind is a serious issue because God will one day judge all of us after we physically depart from this world. It's hard to see that the physical world is a place where you exit to go into another dimension. Death is like exiting this physical world. The true essence of death comes from our past sins which have caused us to deserve death. We are all deserving of death because we have failed to be a good person at one point. We all have good morality in us and can decide to turn against it out of being deceived or having the choice of going after pleasures. This morality in us has been created by God, and many Chrisitians know the law of God really well but choose not to abide by it. God is going judge us for our actions, and we are accountable for all of our actions because God looks at the intents of our hearts. Not knowing the gospel or knowing the gospel is not a problem to God because His creations are clearly visible. We are not creators of this land, and when we claim that a thing is rightfully ours in its entirety it is not because those elements are of God. Everyone has the choice to go under sin or not. I hope that many more will come to the realization that they must repent to be right before Jesus Christ, our savior who justifies our righteousness before God.
EYY

Early in the morning

Today I'm sitting here at this early time to do a prayer meeting with everyone at my Korean Christian Club. I'm just pretty much writing whatever comes into my mind right now because I'm sitting here looking at my Gahm Sahm Nim? It means staff in Korean. We are going to cover today in Genesis. This is really nice how we are able to get together to fellowship together. It's mainly been four who have been very active. I'm the fifth who has showed up to every one but sometimes really late. Jay has also been around to prayer meetings and has even gone witnessing(!) with all of us. It's a lot of fun to gather and to be able to have fellowship. In the name of glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ, it is my honor to come here and see at least a gathering of a crowd. It means 3+ people.
EYY

The true essence to living in this physical world means that timing is everything. I am going to have to admit that my failures associate with past times as well. It's like I'm under a curse from having done negative things to my learning health. Today I found out that I failed my midterm for Double variable Calculus, and it totally sucks. I was under a lot of fast time pressure and also arrogant because I had turned in my homework and received good marks with them. I need to keep up the good work in doing homework and in the meantime be more careful at doing math. I also have been sometimes getting off-centered during the lectures because my body wants to focus elsewhere even though I don't want to. I believe that it won't be too long before I'm able to become prolific enough to be a great pro at taking tests.
EYY

I was largely unaware of my actions roughly due to the large volume of disorderly sarcasm that I developed from taking 100 units in five quarters. It gave me great pleasure to announce to you that I was sorry for upholding actions as a curmudgeon. Placing myself in my own shoes vicariously to people in general, I would personally feel regret if someone like me last year had seriously cried and sought out to torment my own heart like a poor instructor's through legitimate usage of the language. The pain was therefore universal and felt by all of God's creations to heaven. I had largely been associated with using past tense verses as this is all supposed to be brushed aside for ethical concerns; it would anger me highly significantly, if a CS professor would not be able to abstract ethical details as some cirriculum like the age of the Dinosaurs course, Operating Systems encourages to all of its destined students.
(WRITTEN FOR HK Liu, CS Professor)
With forgiving attitude, Amen.
EYY

I recall something that made me a little mad. This black worker at CBS TV Taping place made this soft-hearted lady sing a cliche "I love you" over and over again. He advertised it as a very funny thing that would make the audience laugh. I didn't really like it at all because I very well respected her singing that phrase over and over again. Looks like I'm actually sometimes emotional driven which makes me pretty human internally. It's pretty true that we can't be always perfect by like seeing an athlete hit a homerun all the time or a basketballer make shots all the time. It's really great how this economy makes these foolish looking atheletes lead on with lucrative careers. It's pretty much all in an economic strategy which causes all these interesting phenomenons to happen. I'm very well blessed to be called a legal adult now and to have an education that will allow to lead over a baby-boomer generation which does not have a lot of dilligent diploma recepients. It is a privilege to be this generation and to have come from a freakish family because it has strategically been the best part for me. I came out short and fat and totally diffident, possibly one of the worst candidates for getting an early girlfriend or trying bad things at a younger age. I didn't really deal with any peer pressure either because I always kept my mouth shut. I had no clue what the school was about and even though I wanted to fit in, I really didn't care because my passion used to be to get straight A's at every cost. I lost hours of sleep and had many days of fretting over having procrastinated. I was upset and had no satisfactions whatsoever. I became a maniac-depressed person after losing my video games, doing bad in school, and liking so many girls but not doing anything about it! I was thinking committing suicide over these stupid hormonal drives that made no plain sense to me at all. I took pills too but got off of them after a month. I believe that I let my animal desires take over my tormented soul which allowed for an evil spirit to dwell in me. It got really bad because I ended up hearing voices that came from my head and was auditorial. I just submitted myself to the authority I was called to and sure enough it became a success. I remember asking a million questions and receiving shrugs from this one dude who didn't want to answer my questions. I became so depressed because I wanted to talk to someone. He was like right next to me and I was so lonely. No, I never had the idea of being a homosexual because I was addicted to porn at the time of high school. I totally regret having looked at it and recall the moments that I actually cried out for those sins. They got to me eventually and something made me get really mad because I was feeling deceived. I then went on this message board and starting duking out with those porn lovers by debating with them and saying that they are dumb in a formal way
EYY

I believe that it is sometimes a pain to have a teacher who doesn't quite see eye to eye with you and end up throwing you out of his class. This is just the case that I was involved with last year over some frustration that I deserved better than a D-. That seems sort of rude that the teacher mentioned that I could still graduate with a D-. He was very adamant about taking a different class but I wasn't because I wanted to adhere to the rules. I became very angry at the start of the quarter, and I believe it caused me to lose focus with my academics and become more sarcastic with my club efforts. I was a horrible leader after all because I hadn't developed a keen sense of attending classes and studying for them. I was pretty much in a questioning state but everything drove me to accept who Christ really was. I just needed someone to show me where He was in my life.
EYY

Today has been quite a day because I'm lacking a little sleep and facing a little dilemma as to what I have to be doing. I'm pretty much reaching the endpoint to everything in my ability. I need to be trained to recognize things a lot sharper because it will be beneficial in the long run. I plan to do this by staying more dilligent and resting more wisely.
EYY

Sugar coded message

Today's been quite a journey even for having no classes to attend to on a major school day. What happened was that we had a little mishap for a BBQ sale with another club. I became confused as to where the grill was because it was supposed to delivered at 9:00 am. It unfortunately didn't arrive and we were out of luck until they finally delivered it at 11:30 am or slightly earlier.

We ended up having some poor quality food and our competitor just whooped us today. It's okay though because we ended up selling all our food and just gave it away to everyone. The food was much better last year because it was homemade food. This year wasn't because everything was from the market except for my mom's famous salad sauce which we didn't use on salad!

It's been a lot of fun today but I'm learning that I need to be more dilligent in the small matters that count. Like, I'm really slow getting up in the morning and I didn't really have time to take a bath today. I went out with my buddies and have this sense of wanting to glorify the Lord by helping to make Cal Poly a better place to go to. I want to help out in every way that I can with all my abilities and leave the rest to God. I need to wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow to go to prayer meeting. I just like going to those meetings just to really pray about some things. I really need to do a lot more prayer about those things. I have this passion which is to program, write, and play the piano all at the same time. I want to use these passions to serve the almighty. I believe that I don't have the calling to become a pastor but I do know that I'm sort of a freak that walks this earth. It's also cool knowing that I am this type of person. I'm not born white in the first place, I have an American name, a very wierd Korean name, and I'm short. I am an American citizen freak of nature, but it's cool because I want to be around to glorify Jesus Christ my savior.
EYY

My long research about people working in the porn industry ended up pretty inconclusive but by reasoning with data from the CIA and Bureau of Labor Statistics, I'm 100% sure there's less than a million adult film workers. It's too bad I couldn't factor in a true estimate, but I didn't want to go into those sites and count all of the models for that is a waste of time. I feel that other parts of the world are in trouble because of a tolerance for prostitutes. I believe legalizing it will spread more HIV and cause more broken relationships. Furthermore, damaging our physical bodies before God who has called us to sanctify ourselves from fornication.
EYY

The Sabbath Day

The Lord heavenly Father truly does save by getting us to repent before Him and by keeping simple faith in Christ Jesus. The gospel is just plain simple, we need to see that our hearts are evil. So we repent and become faithful to the Lord. What else is the best thing that we can do?

I found that I have some passion of writing, programming, and playing the piano, so I will live up to these things for the glory of the Lord. Without glorifying the Lord, my purpose in life becomes meaningless. I really enjoy writing about stuff like this because it really brings me this great level of comfort and security. I can truly think in my own space and communicate in a unique visual way. I think that's the key for me in that I've raised my ownself in a short period to visually appreciate my own text! As funny or wierd as that may seem, I guess I don't really care about being rough in the edges about what I decide to write about.

I'm just keeping to the topic the best that I can and pretty much, I can't even remember more than a dime's worth of stuff I wrote about. I can go back and laugh it off with a lot of the stuff I've written. I know that I've made a million mistakes under pressure and through these moments I've written some really sarcastic comments. I've also made some work at trying to break into a repetoire of writing by spending at least a lot of time just staring at this screen.

I used to have a really hard time reading words and even my own stuff that I've written! That's so wierd because I've learned to write about stuff but not actually read back then very well to get a good understanding of what I was even trying to say! I think that just means that I had a very bad habit of never opening a book even though I was great at pronouncing words. I think I became really indolent at trying to focus on the meaning that is centered with each sentence. I believe this came from a stupid philosophy of never having to truly memorize anything! That's a bad idea because it can bring in a lot of stupidity especially if you are trying to learn a new language.

I don't mind memorizing some stuff but do mind in some cases such as math because I really like to know what I'm doing because if I don't I will stress out over problems that make no sense at all to me. I've just went out to digress about stuff and I'm just typing away in this keyboard. I'm even very surprised that 285 people have looked at my profile. I could probably be the 100 that counts for the profile. I just like at my profile to see if anyone has even read it! That's not too bad I suppose because I never advertised this piece of junk.

I guess it just means that I'm going to have to be more careful from now on. All my little humor that I'm writing about using senseless words and ridiculously meticulously words in an impromptu state causes me to literally laugh out loud. I wouldn't mind calling myself the GaMeLauGHeR or something like that.

EYY

Writing is indeed a lot of fun especially for me because I'm using a tool that I'm studying to research on- computers. The enter key will put the wallah finish into this piece of art!
EYY

Secrets to School Success

Today, I found out that my classes can be a lot easier by focusing in them. I use the power of prayer to Christ, my Lord who I confide in very heavily to make me more fruitful. My body wishes to sin though but I personally don't. I don't want to lean on the past judgements that have caused me to get to sinful habits such as being lazy.

All I need to do to really get going to the finish line with my CS assignment is get two questions answered by the professor. They are just for clarification purposes and the rest should be easy!

I am planning on focusing to study four hours a night per week because it will ensure that I get straight A's. The working formula is to put in two hours per unit as a guideline principle. It is my guarantee that if one follows this standard for any class, easy or hard and is actually studying well during that time, they will succeed. 15 units means 30 hours a week and so on.
EYY

This is very neat

The only bad side-effect that I get from using hello when I post is that I can't name a title for eah post that I do, but I can use the edit button to name a title. It's like working backwords to a title with each of my posts.
EYY

Oh hey, I can automatically type here to post stuff automatically. I don't have to go through that log in hassles.
EYY

I am using a tool called hello from google which automatically posts my pictures one by one.
EYY

Missing out

Today, I discovered that right before class begins in like ten minutes that I can't add a two-unit class because I have missed the deadline. I also feel that God is working on my side as of this moment because I'm also chasing after a minor of math and to receive credit for a minor in Math, I must complete it at the same quarter that I finish my major. It's not too bad I suppose because it's just two units. I'm planning on doing some tutoring to feel the gap of those hours, hopefully.

I also can't go to Disneyland on Friday for concert band because I couldn't enroll in it this quarter. It's fair because it just isn't right for me to just barge in the band without having rehearsed with this one. Plus the band teacher is really nice, so there's no biggy I assume. I'm also not very fond of Disney as I used to be. I guess there's a greater purpose for me of not going. I think I will be able to fellowship with God during the evening at a ministry in Downey, CA.

Why do I feel sad?

The abnormalities of life, so begot with this and forget about this my soul cries.
I think my body just goes through some period of mourning.
I think I have lost a lot of interest for myself and so must pray for others.
Wasting time that I am doing, forgetting things that I shouldn't be doing.
Losing folders for a seminar and a fee for not attending.
I need to make some plans for a better journey.
My God listen to my plans and change them for the better.
Your words are too precious and my body continually wishes to sin.
There's a contradiction to many things, like I'm missing out on something physical.
I'm short, for instance but so what?
I know so what(?) but what if I get married to a six-footer bride?
I usually laugh, but sometimes feel like mourning.
The lack of sleep from the past and the bodily cravings of getting taller makes me mourn.
I need to let it go, but somehow can't because it is always a part of me.
I'm just going to have to make do with what I got from now on and until out!

This picture captures people riding a transport boat on the Colorado River. I currently have a headache, but I just thought that I randomly select this photo because I feel like writing about anything right now. 

These photos are taken with my digital camera. 

Hello

 

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This is my dad's photo with a friend. 

Necessary details

The meaning of this title is rather cheesy because it was designed to be an emotive. Everything in this book is designed for the purpose of getting people to feel something, whether it is guilt or happiness or laughter. Anger is something I never understood in others. I so understand in myself though, but not really in others. I believe life requires making some guesses and going about adjusting from making these assumptions. Without assumptions, we will never be able to change our bad beliefs. By assuming and then receiving a contradiction, we are practicing logic. People don't like to be judged because they don't want others thinking about the bad things they are doing in their life. It's like they want to cover up what makes them feel like a lost cause. These people are like really sensitive to many issues dealing with people and want to be sentimental and vicarious to those who need help more than them. It's like they feel people can make a difference in life by working hard. They feel that they are making a difference in other people's lives, but something inside them is driving them to anger, frustration, and motivation with lust. These people are just plain wierd in a sense and are like the bad boys and bad girls you do not want to make good friends with sometimes. They are the ones who you have to live with in a love and hate relationship, unfortunately if we could love them all the time, it would be so wonderful.
Getting back to the basics is a concept I would love to refuse but can't. I would prefer feeling good all the time and confident about life but my emotions are sometimes unstable from getting worn out with hard work. I try the best I can though to be hip, but the influences that go into my head have caused me to shape into a person I don't want to be. I need to fight with principles in life, if I am going to survive with a strong head. Everyone likes rationality in life because without it, the world won't ever make sense. The ones who want to lose themselves in a messy world are the ones who are destined to fall. A good question I have to know with the answer is if people can feel something while rationalizing. Some hide their emotions as best as possible and show it only when they want to express anger. Some people are fickle and unpredictable to a sense of never understanding them. Many people have done cost and analysis with people to make a good rational decision of judgement. Without calculating the good things in life, one will never truly know what they are looking for. Lust drives people to want more and only desire as the scriptures explain. This desire itself is their true essence of being and if it does not follow the Godly principles of the Bible, then it is faulty. Faulty lust consumes people's lives and drains rational development. What is faulty lust is any desire that is considerably wrong in general. It is very difficult for people sometimes to know this limit. They have made a philosophical statement in their heads, which is very simple and twisted it to make it suit their needs.
They probably know it is wrong if the desires they feel were infringed upon them. What I mean is, criminals don't like other criminals. They keep lusting and this form consumes their entire bodies. It engulfs them and leads them straight to marching into the grave. Lust is a scary scenario for those who analyze it and understand it.

My Reasons for Mood Swings

This is an interesting topic for me because I get to talk about my human nature and psyche as a leader. I sometimes do become in a deeply troubling state. What I mean is, I get pretty angry sometimes for the silliest reasons. I expect people to do what they say sometimes, and if I don't get the result I was visualizing then I get pretty intensively mad. I think it is the most normal pet peeve for everyone, unless they don't really care to trust another individual. Trusting people is a very bad thing to do in general. I should never have done this to a whole great deal and only to an acceptable level of trust. It is so because by placing my undivided heart on a few individuals, who I really needed in my life. These people are Margarita and Mike. They really said they would be trying some things, and I really felt happy when they told me but when they told me they were busy, I then became a little troubled. I was a little uncertain about how to react. By becoming angry for awhile towards the end and at the times of finals, I started doing things by conceptualizing the blameworthy things of human nature. What I mean is, I found things that I felt were angering and distubring in people. I didn't like people lying and teasing people because of lies. This thought occurred from people not showing up to the meetings. I became frustrated and the only thing that really drove me to anger was the thought of people doing things to hurt the development of CSS. I found meetings to be a very crucial effect in everything dealing with CSS. A club is basically a gathering of people. Without people showing up, I sometimes became a little sad inside and nervous. I was also sometimes a little angry. I had times of wanting to give up and to a point I did give up. I kept trying though no matter what. No matter how much I was sinning by staying unfocused with everything in life, school, and God. I kept praying for forgiveness from God because I really believe in Jesus Christ. I believed that by simply believing in Jesus Christ and accepting him as sovereign in my life, I would become transformed into a better person. I have deep regrets of some of the things I did with this club, but overall, I feel happy for the things that I never expected to happen.
I developed a small team of willing people. That was enough to get something started and motivated me to try super hard. I had great advice from people, who I never expected to help out. I think it is this sense of doing something fun and having some kicks that got these people together at this meeting. I became happy again. I also became worried for people who I knew wanted to care for this club and do something about it. I became upset at myself for not being a hundred percent on task with everything because I always saw important issues flying before my nose. I just couldn't do it because I wasn't sure about the status quo of people showing up to a meeting. If only there were enough people and friends supporting me in general, then I would be able to make this club into a more wonderful state of being for everyone else.
The motivation was not always there for me to try very hard. Sometimes I had feelings of wanting to burn down buildings because I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted to be a great leader in this club. I wanted to represent everyone in Computer Science. I would get discouraged left and right from everyone. They would think of me as like this short kid with good ideas and that since I was not American enough, I wouldn't be able to do anything. I then lost confidence in myself. I lost happiness and had lack of control and felt like I was going nowhere. All of this, because people didn't show up to the meetings I expected people to show up at. The greatest people I admire are those who made an effort to show up. without those people, I would never have been able to lead for a greater direction in this club.

Bantering Opinions

The CS majors who never tried to show up for a club meeting are dumb people. They probably even don't want to learn to spell hard words left to right. They study really hard and hate their major at the same time. These people are pretty wierd in general because they don't know how to spend their time even more wisely. They would prefer finding the easy way out at all times. It's like they have a desire to do something and only that desire is what they have. That desire is only what carries them, and they still fail at the end. These people do not deserve to be in a wonderful club. They do not have to come join us, either. These CS majors claim they are busy, like all uninteresting sisters say to their brothers. If people have one hour to spare, then why do they never show up. It's because they don't want to show up. It's because they feel that the club is dumb and going nowhere. These people who never show up have a different life that they don't want to share because they feel it will be for the worst. They feel they will become like the biggest rejects by showing up for CSS meetings. Something causes them to forget about everything because their mind is set upon some fleshly desires, which prevent them from remembering. These CS majors do not deserve to come and interact with the cool members, and they will never find the number one spot in their lives. These so-called busy people probably spend most of their times sleeping in and not wanting to do anything else.
These people are so lazy they would prefer not programming anything fun in a course, if time and the instructor allowed them to. The worst CS majors are those who don't want to get along with all the other CS majors. They prefer staying away from their major as much as possible because they don't know what they are doing and are scared of the future that will haunt upon them. They feel that CSS is like the most cheesiest club to have ever formed. They don't think it will succeed and help them out in their careers. They think it should never have formed, and they feel that the worst is about to come because once the right people leave, they will not know what to do. Life becomes so hard for them sometimes because they have to study for other general education courses. They feel missing out on some activities CSS has planned will make their life a lot better by giving them time to do something else for catching up with their studies. They think this is a better outcome for both the leaders and themselves. They feel they will never have to practice talking to people in a class. They think if they keep their mouths shut for good then nothing will make them show up. They don't think CSS has talented people because they want something or someone to follow. They need a leader in their lives, and they prefer not being that leader because time does not permit them to.
These CS majors want a good advisor with their lives and need to have a good connection with everyone in their lives dealing with CS. They can't find this because they don't want to make an effort to show up for a CSS meeting.

Club essentials

This topic will get a little boring for the moment because noone really cares about us right now. I hated doing powerpoints because I hate Microsoft for now. I don't like using someone else's software, especially if you can create your own. It's like it is really hard to become enlightened with new techniques and concepts if an organization hogs their code. This isn't really right for an interested student. The club started for programmers. I changed the direction of this club by making more breathing room for different individuals to try us out. What I mean is, I have been trying to get the Science Council to participate with us. They didn't help out all year long, which made me pretty mad. I quit going to their stupid meetings. The only way I am going to be able to do a lot better this year is be more confident and pick out social events. I find it a little funny how we never initiated stuff for girls to have some fun in. What I mean is, we never attracted enough women to our meetings. Being unmarried, we will need to have a little fun engaging with a potential soul mate on the premises of socializing alone. It's normal to be attracted to one another, but it's evil to become very intimate with one another before marriage. The Biblical saying goes, when you have a lot of passion with a man or woman [speaking to both genders] you should get married and quit worrying about the right age of getting married. If not, bad lies can occur and so my prayers are with those who struggle greatly.
We are going to do a quite of lot of engaging socially with girls. The majority of us are guys in this club so the CS women will benefit as well. Hopefully no slime balls will ever come to this meeting that happens. Let's just forget about the stressful issues of programming and just organize stuff to have fun in going to. I don't really care for thinking about making this club an academic one. Leave that recognition to a resume at an Honor's Club. We are no honor's club, period. We won't ever be able to make this transition because we attract everyone at all ages and all grades. Nobody has to remember CSS as a computer science club anymore. It is just CSS and people can make all the funny euphemistic acronyms they want. I care a whole lot, of course for all the bad insults people will make about us. It won't stop and so we can only hope for the best and pray for those things to stop.
Peeking into society, a lot of people are genetically evil. They are like walking robots falling down while following people as a lemming. What I mean is, people lead themselves to their own destruction with drugs and alcohol. It's very dumb and stupid and expletives. It's about a great time to pray for these things to end. The world is not going to fall apart today, but tomorrow one will never know when a person creates peace in the Middle East. These leaders in the Middle East are pretty scary. Yassar Arafat died and people were like wanting to be buried with him. I don't want that to happen to me. I want to be a representative of Christ and fair reason. Of course, leadership is important to a club, but bad leadership is what members always avoid, such as me. Out of the twenty members, on the average seven thought I was a bad leader. I suppose I didn't do too bad because I did grab the attention of the majority.
What I was originally looking for was someone who could overpower us into making a difference. I wanted someone to tell me what to do and to give me support on doing something. I needed to follow someone who had a great sense of direction. I did not find this until late in the school year, where everything gradually fell apart and glued back together. It is sort of an oxymoron because it is subjective based. The thing went up and down every year because I didn't know what to expect and how to go about it. What I mean is, the club sometimes froze and started moving again with all these years there was this club. The Bits & Chips is pretty much an old version of CSS. We aren't that knowledgable with the old parts anymore because the world changed very rapidly. Back then, it was all about getting good grades and having peope come in to tell stories. This time has changed because Cal Poly accepts people with low standards now. A lot of life is at stake here because a lot of people are struggling to make an end's meet.
We started out with a zero amount of experience because the main objective of seeing growth in a club never happened. People hate low grade stuff in general both spiritually and physically. I don't know if the CSS club is a gathering for a lot of momma boys. There has been quite a sentiment for me in running this club unsuccessfully. It does not matter what the results were because the experience we all should have gained is priceless.

Power of Redemption

The Lord, Jesus forgives all of us if we confess and repent. Becoming forgiven is a great thing once we believe that Jesus Christ is our savior for mankind's sins. Believing in Christ also means placing our trust in him and repenting from doing our past evils. By accepting Christ in our lives, we are able to lead a freer life away from the insatiable lusts that put us into ruins. By putting faith in God, we are called to be obedient to his will according to the Bible. Life becomes much more meaningful and we are able to provide for others with our gifts and talents. Serving God does not necessarily mean becoming a pastor, for there are many forms of servitude according to some Bible verse.

In some chapter of Colossians, the Apostle Paul teaches us to give everything onto the Lord. We should study hard because it is a good deed as students, and it should be mainly done because of our love for the Lord. We should never lack in our efforts in our school studies because the Lord has called for us to honor him by getting A's with hard work. Just as a pastor says, we should only put our focus on school when it is our time in it. The Lord is merciful and loves us. Just as Pastor Greg Laurie has said, we can disobey God and be forgiven later. Do we fall away from God because we love him?

We can forget about the past, once we are cleansed from our own wretched sins. The Lord reigns in our hearts and has full control over this universe. He is sovereign over man.

Catching Up With Life

I started phasing out when my college years began. I recall not getting much done and doing assignments half-minded. My thoughts were more focused on my emotions because I had a hard time with going to school. I had some negative thoughts of wanting to beat myself. I am feeling more confident about not wanting to do that now. By making an effort, learning to read better, and getting roughly eight hours of sleep a night, I have been making progress.
I still get some bad influences with others around me. Although I don't want to curse or watch bad TV shows, it becomes very tempting when I feel like stressing out. The stress has been around me trying to avoid myself. With all the problems in this world I feel inwardly, I let it go by directing those negative influences to a lazy image of myself. I have been prone to agreeing to doing a lot of things by journeying out of my home town to go to group gatherings I prefer not discussing. I only recall reaching out for two groups, which are a small UCLA quasi-cult and La Rouche campaigners. I did not become an active member in both of these because I thought some of their principles were a little fishy. What these two groups have in common is that they place a lot of trust in one man. I personally do not want that to happen to me, if I ever become a CEO.
Some things in life is not worth requoting and so I have never really read other people's writings. I am very opened to trying though with people I know. I have done a lot of unhealthy things to myself by not trying to take care of myself mentally. I went through a mental beating of twenty units for five quarters straight. It was all about raising my ego, which is pathetic. I attempted to be productive in life for all the wrong reasons. What I believe I was blessed by God for is that I became unsure of everything I was doing. Anything I tried, I would seek for encouragement from a person. I think that means I was seeking for a mentor. I have been unable to think of one here at Cal Poly Pomona, unfortunately. I am very saddened by the disappointments I have had to face. Things do not always go according to plan because our expectations can be very different from what we had in mind.
I believe some of the greatest people are those who didn't have the sharpest minds. Reflecting on this, hard work is what I attribute to being smart. My grandparents are the greatest example in my life, who lived the longest and worked the hardest with providing love for a big family. My mom has done a lot for me too, by teaching me with her scoldings. One can't learn everything in life to be successful, but it doesn't mean he or she should just give up on finding ultimately peace with God. The weakest people can grow up to be stronger than a person they have been chasing after. Believe it or not, I'm chasing after the most dilligent CS students.

Problems

I'm guessing everyone goes through minor problems with life, such as getting up for work and trying to get to bed. Having to deal with stress drags because it really doesn't complement a productive lifestyle. It is more like from being overwhelmed by something. The greatest example in my life with a person who tries to cope with stress unsuccessfully is my sister. She seems to be very wierd to the most minor detail in anything I do. One day, she becomes stressed out about my effortful driving and other days, she feels I insulted her friends by saying nothing related to them. She has had a few life-altering situations, but not to a great degree as others share. I really love my sister, but she hates being hugged. I face a few obstacles as well and that is finishing tough tasks, while following up with a good pace. What I mean by this is, I hate always procrastinating. I intend to fix my habits by praying to God and hoping for the best. I would love to teach other struggling CS students, but I can't do this if I am struggling myself. Sometimes, the project specifications given by a professor can become a little vague. It could be from having a weak background in reading or lack of sleep. Overcoming problems require reasonable explanations. I am not the greatest person in this world and struggle everyday with my worst sins. I lust for breaking away with God and have the freedom of not adhering to His plan. The worst thing I have ever done in life is looking at pornography at a very young age, which became a habit for me. I remember I was responsible for sharing the pornographic material with my other friends. I have a lot of guilt and grief for doing this and distracting myself from being right with the Lord. I could not have overcame this sin by my own efforts. I needed the Holy Spirit to guide me away from this. The things I looked at were never authentic and real in life, and this absolutely almost brought me down. From struggling with my sins, I also was not able to manage a club. I was under a lot of stress and had anxiety attacks. I was afraid of my worst enemy, which is myself. I used to have feelings of wanting to destroy myself, but overcame these things by understanding the situation. These thoughts developed from high school. I never fully recovered until I gained confidence. Finding a renewed belief in Christ caused me ultimate joy. I am now at the issue of whether I should be married or not. Marriage to me is something people do to express mainly love for each other; hopefully, it is not fake love. I do not have a problem with the idea of getting married because I intend to keep the house clean, take out the trash which I love doing when I'm mad, communicate things, and help some chores if any little Mr. Earl Yoo or Mrs. Earl Yoo ones pop up. I have not fully decided about getting married yet. My mom keeps telling me the reason is because I have not fallen in love with the right woman. I have no clue what the future is about, and this could be a bad thing if I am not careful. What I mean is, I don't want to get into another car accident or stressful situation. One thing leads to another, and all I can really do is pray and hope for the best. Understanding situations are sometimes not an easy thing to do, especially if you are not prepared for it. It's life, I suppose. Doing the right stuff is easy to talk about, but actually doing the work becomes tough. That is why people should stay away from the wrong motive and wrong source of power. People's sins have also affected a country's economy. The European culture has some bad taste by encouraging alcoholic beverages and cigarettes to be bought by a younger crowd. This effect will create a crowd with limited brain power because the values are most centered with having desires fed. If the desire than becomes lust, it starts to hook and becomes like the highlight of someone's life. In general terms, lust can inspire a lack of productivity. I oppose lust but still get tempted by it. My belief in God is not about finding an achievement but more about justifying my faith in the Bible.

Life

It's Act 1 all over again. My writing style is unattended by noone. Not including me and no Word document is going to break my natural spirit of writing. I am using Notepad, which is the most simple text document and of course, monotonous piece of equipment for writing an autobiography. I do not really care anymore about what people claim bad stuff about me for. I got into a fight with HK Liu, a professor who will make your life miserable just for saying something you felt like saying. I said I was going to beat him in court. He became a mad monster, so mad that he became speechless and a cat got stuck in his mouth as well. I am saying harsh things about him because I believe he is the mole of the CS Department. He can't handle a lot of nonsensical and boring words from an angry student. I became angry because I felt a sense of unfairness. Don't get me wrong because it has been a natural phenomenon for graduate students who looked to him for advice. He gives careless advice and doesn't seem to care a whole lot about people say. I think he felt like I was going to kill him or threaten his tenured status. Some wierd thing like that. I became sensitive to the issue of hurting HK's feelings. He does not exhibit the traits I thought about anymore. He likes to be rattled on with common sense. I eventually managed to write some bad e-mails favoring my side to the maximum amount. It in fact is the best e-mails I have ever written for myself. I can't say how much I love to read or hear about Jesus Christ. The Bible is best source of inspiration for everyone. True, it's an opinion- I don't have much backing yet. I must be idiotic in some way to not to chase after my inspiration, according to my feelings. I don't understand every mystery in this life. I am not even afraid if this autobiography doesn't become a hit.
I have written a lot over the past, which allowed me to foster into an anything writer. I can pretty much naturally feel the words coming out of my brain and mouth. It is more like a state of being for me. It really feels good to be confident about something and then going after something you never really intended to do, which benefits your ownself. Prayer has allowed me to think about others and to hope for the best out of them. I even prayed for HK Liu, despite him being the biggest arch enemy to ever have lived. He yelled at me, of all people HK Liu actually yells. HK Liu is like this blah blah Mr. Scrooge who loves to keep knowledge to himself. He like just sits there like a confused book worm in his office and tries to relearn material he never even felt like reading.
Compromising situations in life have made me to be left in a largely disorderly fashion. I still have to go back and read up on the stuff I wrote because I have to admit that I am not perfect. I need to make sure I am making some whimsical sense; otherwise, I am going to lose a crowd of at least one person, which is me. I am pretty much the audience that attends to this text; otherwise, some people actually find this work to be rather interesting. Maybe I should submit this piece to psychologists and even psychology majors, so that they will have not a lot of fun and enjoy making fun of me to the maximum level.
Being a student is perhaps one of the greatest experiences a person can go through. Learning about neat things is a blessing. Being a person at the age of 22, I can obviously talk a lot about what has gone through my brain and body. A lot of taunting memories still stick with me. As an example, I would have nightmares of vampires attacking me because I used to be very frightened by the image.
I then became exposed to reading and learning at a newer level. As my friend Joel puts it, I'm sort of rolling along. I achieved this feat after taking a graduate course and trying very hard in it. At the time of this writing, I would have been a CS undergrad student. The graduate course I took is network security, which is pretty much about encrypting and decrypting messages. I learned about more math concepts and programmed a lot more than what I am used to. I felt like a hacker for a while. I created a program that validates credit cards and applies a RSA algorithm, which is the strongest security architecture today.

My Free Writings and Table Of Contents

I. Life
II. Problems
III. Catching up with life
IV. Club essentials
V. Bantering opinions
VI. My reasons for mood swings
VII. Necessary details
VIII. Purpose for reading this
IX. Intentions
X. Projects
XI. Computer Magazines
XII. L.A. Times CS Coverage
XIII. Getting taught by Rich
XIV. Dismantling HK Liu's logic
XV. Staying mad at roommate
XVI. Mad at Srinivas
XVII. Mad at myself
XVIII. Mad at people who didn't show up
XIX. Becoming smarter
XX. Why reading my writing is hard
XXI. Summer Quarter
XXII. Fall Quarter
XXIII. Spring Quarter
XXIV. Importance for dedication
XXV. How you can help
XXVI. My purpose of writing
XXVII. An example of my wonderful poem
XXVIII. Who isn't doing what
XXIX. Intolerable issues I have
XXX. Apologies for being intolerant
XXXI. Catchy phrases
XXXII. Why I academically sucked
XXXIII. Why first impressions are useful
XXXIV. Why the concept of God and Jesus Christ is important
XXXV. Buying a computer
XXXVI. Finding information about computer parts
XXXVII. Dissing Microsoft
XXXVIII. Installing a new operating system
XXXIX. Enjoying a new operating system
XXXX. CSS Politics
XXXXI. Why I write
XXXXII. Why I play the piano
XXXXIII. Why I play magic
XXXXIV. Why I play Texas Hold Em'
XXXXV. Why I stink at Chess
XXXXVI. Why I should do a revision
XXXXVII. Why I became sarcastic
XXXXVIII. Close friends from CSS
XXXXIX. Why you could't get involved
XXXXX. What CS majors used to think about me
XXXXXI. My longing for a smart and nice wife
XXXXXII. My past deadly sins
XXXXXIII. Why I used to hold back
XXXXXIV. Fun with basketball
XXXXXV. Understanding the fun factor in sports
XXXXXVI. Having fun with writing
XXXXXVII. The necessity of reading
XXXXXVIII. The annoyances of watching TV
XXXXXIX. The power of time
XXXXXX. My theory of being interested
XXXXXXI. My falling apart speeches
XXXXXXII. The lack of easy going simple-minded talks with girls
XXXXXXIII. The wierdness of taking Women's Studies 441
XXXXXXIV. The wonderfulness of taking a hacker's course
XXXXXXV. The wierdness of my past flyers
XXXXXXVI. People's ability to trash knowledge and attend meetings
XXXXXXVII. My lack of faith in some people
XXXXXXVIII. My lack of hope in some people
XXXXXXIX. Why bantering some people is funny to me
XXXXXXX. How I became closer with my sister
XXXXXXXI. My theory of randomness
XXXXXXXII. The joys of laughing
XXXXXXXIII. My right way of killing time
XXXXXXXIV. The negatives of wearing out
XXXXXXXV. The usefulness of being angry
XXXXXXXVI. How I really try not to show off
XXXXXXXVII. Trying to be funny is like showing off to my former roommate
XXXXXXXVIII. What I do to motivate people
XXXXXXXIX. Why my image is important to me
XXXXXXXX. What I plan to become from being CSS president
XXXXXXXXI. What I do to make myself look good with writing
XXXXXXXXII. The essence of showing hard work
XXXXXXXXIII. The concept of finding an ends
XXXXXXXXIV. The problem of never being able to finish
XXXXXXXXV. My scope of things
XXXXXXXXVI. The things I wish to accomplish
XXXXXXXXVII. What this work made me be successful at
XXXXXXXXVIII. The acknowledgable jealousies and my pity for them
XXXXXXXXIX. What I think makes me become most successful in life
XXXXXXXXX. My wonderful past
XXXXXXXXXI. The autobiography factors that juice writers up
XXXXXXXXXII. What I was thinking about judging people
XXXXXXXXXIII. Why I can't finish
XXXXXXXXXIV. The seemingly never ending life in relation to Induction Principle
XXXXXXXXXV. The background of my philosophy
XXXXXXXXXVI. The background of my writing
XXXXXXXXXVII. The background of my programming
XXXXXXXXXVIII. Where I lacked the most at
XXXXXXXXXIX. What I did to pick up on things I wanted to do
XXXXXXXXXX. Why life becomes so meaningless sometimes
XXXXXXXXXXI. What I have to do to fix my writing skills
XXXXXXXXXXII. The interesting phenomenas in my personal life
XXXXXXXXXXIII. Why I really don't like movies anymore
XXXXXXXXXXIV. The post-feelings of being addicted
XXXXXXXXXXV. How I should finish this book
XXXXXXXXXXVI. The more necessary topics I can think of
XXXXXXXXXXVII. The probability of brainstorming out of nothing
XXXXXXXXXXVIII. The usefulness of writing poetry
XXXXXXXXXXIX. My background of being creative
XXXXXXXXXXX. The usefulness of having a great laugh
XXXXXXXXXXXI. The greatness in being good at something
CXI. The abnormalities of writing too much
CXII. The interesting things that come from just thinking about what you want to do
CXIII. The things I will never understand with people
CXIV. My scopes that define my academic strengths
CXV. My toughest times
CXVI. The funniness in how people go from being happy to regretful
CXVII. Why I never wanted to end my life
CXVIII. What I think makes people jealous
CXIX. Why I am siding with the conceived good things in life
CXX. Why CSS is a good thing to me
CXXI. Why I wrote a lot
CXXII. Why I think so much and abuse it sometimes
CXXIII. The most embarrassing moments in my life
CXXIV. Why I used to feel people called me a jerk
CXXV. The undeniable necessities in life
CXXVI. The close to perfection from becoming automatic in anything
CXXVII. The undiscoverable element to finishing anything
CXXVIII. The paradoxes of being satisfied vs. finishing
CXXIX. What makes people tick?
CXXX. What makes people motivated enough to finish something?
CXXXI. The undiscoverable boundaries from not asking life's mysteries
CXXXII. The power of hope
CXXXIII. The grief of loss
CXXXIV. The hardness of not being able to know other's difficulties
CXXXV. The true harsh world of trying to care for everyone
CXXXVI. My reasoning behind caring
CXXXVII. Closing to a paradox
CXXXVIII. Life worth fighting for

Car Accident Proposal

I truly feel that I have to pay up the victim's car that I have bumped into. The funny thing is that the guy told me that he was thinking about filing a police report. The whole thing has taken over a year now, and I don't really feel right for having tried to ignore it. I basically became intimidated by the victim's wife who has yelled at me and then acted nice. This is what really has scared me, and I think I just thought I could have left it out of my system. I never really have checked my messages, and I have been hoping that they would have written me a letter of some sort but I guess that is wrong to do that.

I pretty much want to pay up the minimal amount, and I believe that I'm actually in luck this time because I have found the auto body shop advocated by a city chamber of commerce. They are offering VIP cards at the moment for West Covina Body Shop. The victim I have spoke with has said that he does not feel comfortable with the job they have done, and it's only one instance. Mathematically speaking, as long as it gets the job done, and you don't go back to make a huge complaint everything has to be alright. I need to ask if the guy has made any complaints to this place, just to see if there's a logical leak of how he feels they haven't gotten the job done.

It seems a little selfish on their part, and I think for my side I'm dealing with a win-win situation. I totally sympathize with him because I know how it's like to have someone own a suburban. I would be personally distraught myself. I think I'm not going to pay up with the middle-of-the-road feature this time because it doesn't make any plain legal and logical sense. I have admitted that I made a fault, and I'm not going to look for another company with a smaller price. I don't care if they yell at me or call me bad names now. I am just being plain smart about this whole issue, and I'm not going to feel dumb for the rest of life for having made a stupid mistake of coughing up more than I should.

The only aspect that I may have to propose is to go through an arbitration settlement. I think this is where they may see that I will have the edge because I'm willing to at least pay the minimum amount. An arbitrator may see that I have a good case as well, knowing that this business will do a great job, and they won't even need to show their face at this meeting.

I'm not quite too sure why I have waited so long to come to my senses. I think it's been the work of God to make everything possible for me. I have tried to call up a brother in Christ again, who I have separated from because I have been looking for his help, but he has not picked up the phone. It's pretty much one of those days. I think I will try a lot harder to get to know the Lord a lot better. I think I should join a church and do some more Bible studies so I can fellowship a lot more.

Club Website has amazing potential

I never thought I would see this day to come because I have never dreamed of the site I would create. It's an art of course because you take all these gritty little details into account to make a visual for others to enjoy or be aided for using. It's been a lot of fun to develop a website and to take a look at making some perl scripts work. I think it's been the hard work that's made me keep going. When I see a flaw, I will take mental note and try to fix it later.

It's a sense of enjoyment and having fun but it's not good to focus on this the whole time for me. The website is found at http://www.csupomona.edu/~css. I think I've spent a lot of hours on it, like it's my secondary job. I'm not mainly targeting on people to show up because I don't want to feel the pain that I once had as a president. I'm more on having unity and fixing up my problems into a bigger improvement.

Over the past years, I've enjoyed doing the wrong things and alienating myself from people. Recently, I've joined KCCC where a lot of Korean Christians get together and we have done a Sports Day already. A big highlight is that I helped out the club by playing pair-soccer. It's a game where you have to hold a girl by the hand, and of course I am a guy. It's been fun hanging around with Korean brothers and sisters in Christ. I feel a lot more normal because there are a lot of them around California.

I've digressed partly about my life of walking with the Lord Jesus Christ. I think it's funny to pronounce Jesus with hey zeus. That's why I'm referring to Jesus Christ as Christ or Lord or even Gee Sus sometimes. Alright, I don't think it really matters after all how I mention His name as long as it's correct to the consensus.

This site is underground pretty much because literarily no one is really going to check out this site. I think Google has a way of letting so much better sites shine before me. I'm just trying to keep my mind straight. As of right now, I'm enjoying some good times. I'm glad for having spiritual things that I've never really asked for. It brings me tears of joy to figure that God is not caving down on me and forcing me to do things that I'm not quite ready for yet. I mean it as in going out and preaching His word. I still have yet to learn to understand this Bible, and I think it will be a great start by joing a good ministry like Calvary Chapel Golden Springs, Diamond Bar CA.

Writing and checking up on definitions of words has been a key factor, along with my writing. I think these three aspects have made it more easier on my life of studying harder. It's like I'm studying a lot but not really feeling the pain and enjoying it more. I believe that I'm not smart because I don't always get everything done correctly. It feels good at the moment to finish things, even with the smallest tasks and then you forget them. That's pretty funny. I need to get back to finishing up my project. I'm going to attend church and bring my laptop with me, hopefully no one will stare at me all funny in the bus or try to stalk me. Since I'm a guy and have some history of Tae Kwon Do, I think I can get by with bad people momentarily before I get finished! How I think is that, if a bad man is going to hurt me then I will give him one blow that will hurt him before I go down.

Explanation for CS Jobs

People have decided to not to take the Computer Science major for some reason. I've been asked about the current job market dealing with programmers losing jobs. Here's my explanation:

Companies want to cut down on costs as good as possible because their main economic reason is to make profits. By hiring employees overseas, they can expect their dues to be smaller. It is largely because countries outside the US tend to have a lower standard of living. For example, a lot of Chinese middle-class workers have income at the rate of working-class Americans, if not mistaken by a PBS film. India has become a nefarious country to mention by computer scientists because it's been ridiculed by students (I can laugh it off, now). These international employees are happy with the payments they receive so it is a win-win situation for both parties. The programming is pretty much a job that should be done with no pay because it is mainly for the enjoyment that one should do it. I don't think computer science is that important of a field or even near it because I see pastors have a lot greater task. I just do it because I do.

8-puzzle Programming Project

Today, I am going to start some work on a project for my school. It deals with programming an 8-puzzle. This is a game where there are 8 numbers, and you have to line it up to make the correct order. It's doesn't seem that difficult because I have all the notes I need to help me accomplish this task. I'm going to try to summarize and review my notes for this post. I feel that I can do a lot better, if I can write it out first and in a way, this is my way of communicating to the world in a small way.

It applies to me that the best way to be able to solve any riddle is to be able to look at all the possible solutions. The computer is designed to do this very efficiently, if it's done right. There are two types of searches that the teacher wants us to use. The first is breadth-first search and the other is depth-first search. These types of searches are best explained with an animation, as I have mentioned on my club forum. The forum is on http://www.csupomona.edu/~css. The animations are found by searching with 'DFS' and 'BFS' queries on google. You'll find a school site that outlines these searches very well. The third thing I have had to review is the manhattan distance. The manhattan distance is basically defined with two points (x1,y1) and (x2,y2) as x1-x2+y1-y2. That's pretty much it, and what it does is measure two points in right angles. It can be found in math world, by searching for it on google as well. The manhattan distance and the number of wrong places are going to be used as separate heuristic functions.

Thirdly, the AI class with Dr. P has emphasized graph search algorithm. There are two sets in this algorithm. The first is OPEN and the other is CLOSED. Initally O (open) has a starting node s and CLOSED is empty. The objective of this algorithm is to find the finish node f. For example, think of a graph G as a one-directional tree with the definition G=(V,E). V is its nodes and E is its edges. I'll try to make a stupid diagram of it here:
S--------

a -- b

c d F

For this diagram, S is the starting point. In a BFS algorithm, it travels by going to all the levels of its children, recursively. So the answer is Sabcde. The DFS occurs by reaching the farthest node as possible that's to the left in our assumption. So the answer is Sacdeb.

Now it's back to the GSA (graph search). Let's refresh with remember O for open set and C for closed set. O = {S} and C={} (empty). The steps are defined here:

1. If O is empty return FAIL otherwise choose a node n from O.
2. Remove n from O, create the set S of all its children and add n to closed.
4. For each m is an element of S, if m is not on O or C, then add n to set O.

Okay, this seems a little complicated. I'm going to apply an example of the stupid graph I outlined. S is the starting node on it. Following step 2, we remove S from O and create a set = {a,b} and place S on set C (closed). We know that a,b has still not been searched so we put both on O, according to step 3. O = {a,b}.

We remove a and create the set = {c,d,e} and place a on C. C={a,S}. Following step 3, O={c,d,F,b}. We can't forget about b. Each of these nodes now get examined until we get to finishing node F, which means we're done.

To do a BFS algorithm using graph search, simply make the new nodes from step 2 in back of O (open). So with O={a,b}. We make O={b,c,d,F} and C={a}. This gets us to the children of each node with earlier priority. That's an easy proof to understand. To do a DFS we do just the opposite by making the new nodes in front of O. Using O={a,b} again, O={c,d,F,b}. This gets us to the furthest node starting with the left of each child as early as possible. Again this is easy to see.

--------------------------The meat -----------------------------------
This is a funny section that I decided to create to talk about the project implementation.

An 8-puzzle looks like this, I'll a-i represent any number of the range, 1-8 but each number cannot be used twice. There is also one empty space so the numbers can shift.

a b c
----------
h i d
----------
g f e


As you can see, this reminds you of Tic-Tac-Toe. The exhaustive method is to now write out all the possible combinations, this means 9! = 362,880. I don't know about you but I got a life to take care of and serving the Lord Christ to actually to do this meaningless thing. Fortunately, someone from class has made it possible by proposing that we use the empty space to duke this problem out. This means that we don't get to see the result right away before the answer comes out. This is how a lot of programming problems are like!

The empty space allows to create children for a BFS (breath) or DFS( depth) algorithm by interchanging numbers back and forth. I am going to symbolize the directions with the letters UDLR which represent each of the four directions using the first letter respectively. Using the diagram I have used that represents 8-puzzle, I'm going to define how the numbers should be interchanged for each letter. Let me draw this out again.

a b c
h i d
g f e

a= DR
b= LDR
c= LD
d=ULD
e=LU
f=LUR
g=UR
h=URD
i=LUDR

Fair enough, 8 possible things to keep looking beats 9! ! Digressing player 2 will never win at tic-tac-toe if the first player plays right by placing that X in the center. There are more combinations as i represents. It's one of those games where an extra letter on a limited space can help, giving the aggressor the edge. The chicken that never loses at Tic-Tac-Toe probably always goes first! Don't be a chicken brain and lose to it.

I have laid out the foundation for myself, and good luck to me to get this project finished. The theories seem pretty easy to grasp, and it's now the programming part that kills like 80% of the population.