This is a photo of my mom.

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This is a photo of the beautiful lake in Mt. Whitney.

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This is a collage that picasa came up with.

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This is my baby cousin embracing her tongue.

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This is a picture of my baby cousin eating a small dorritos.

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This is a scary pose of The Ring. My cousin looks so scary.

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This is a shot of my stressed out looking sister and cousin.

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This is my baby cousin in sleep mode. She's very cute.

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My mom has a funny smile.

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This is an improved shot of my parents.

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This is another bad shot of my parents.

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This is a shot of my family posing in the grass. It came out really nicely. We had lunch and took a break.

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This is a shot of the pretty environment at John Muir Wilderness Park. I remember seeing people trying to fish for trout. This natural setting is very beautiful and undisturbed.

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This is a shot of me smiling. I am an overgrown small guy.

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These two are my parents.

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This is a shot of my sister smiling and dad walking away.

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This is a shot of my sister and dad.

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That's a shot of me. I'm really like a kid aren't I?

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A shot of my mom, but it was so dusty for the camera.

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My dad is walking in John Muir Wilderness National Park.

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My aunt is in the middle. My family are the other two.

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My sister and cousin both hide from the camera (being sarcastic)

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Daddy's photos

 
 
 
  

This is a photo

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These are all photos from my dad's party.

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Interesting

  

Pretty neat

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My Testimonies

For a short introduction, I am now going on to work on my testimonies. My life in the Lord began as a 2nd grader, when I accepted Jesus through a prayer and with my heart. I went through with it because I wanted to try it out. Another brother of mine named Andrew accepted with me, but I haven't kept in contact with him lately. I remember going through Bible school and feeling the worn out effects of being committed to God. It felt like going to school, and I didn't like learning about anything. I had moments where I blanked out in my mind and nothing came through to me in those sermons. My life was a total wreck sometimes, I would do things completely not liked by God and feel like a wretch for doing them. Yes, I felt like a very bad person whenever I cursed in my childhood. I hardly said a cursed word, after training myself to deal with the bad impulses of my life. I totally became reliant on myself for studies and had periods of not wanting to study. I sometimes felt like a person who was going to blow up up into high school. I was totally committed to getting A's and pleasing my parents but I felt really empty inside. Every year, I had this emotion of wanting to quit going to school after putting in a lot of effort. This emotion grew larger, as I didn't find myself playing with friends. However, I made television my idol and even became aware of my sexuality before my puberty. It didn't help to have perverted guy friends in middle school. Learning about sex ed for the first time was really funny especially when the teacher used sex terms. There was a lot of giggling among the brothers and bashfulness to the sisters as well. Ninth grade came around and I had almost forgotten about my acceptance of the Lord. My walk became really carnal by this time. Even through all that carnality, I couldn't find absolute satisfaction. I wanted the best of everything a guy could go through. Engaging in acts of what I call myself getting carnal encouragement, my faith kept on bouncing away from the Lord. I had a few moments of wanting to be really angry with God, but thank God I didn't have consistency with doing anything. I was like a person with ADD, giving no attention to life's detail. I gave a lot of respect to a lot of high school students and became devestated because I became afraid of not being able to live up to the expectations of peer pressure. I lost full-throttle confidence in myself and became anti-social. All I really longed for was engaging in carnal acts by myself with noone telling me, how it was affecting my total growth as a person. I was very emotionally filled for a time being carnal, but then the Lord called me to go church. My mom told me about a church that was about a few 100 yards away from my house. I went there and still couldn't confide myself in dedicating myself to the Lord. I had these moments of wanting to do good things as a Christian, but I was being too indecisive with my heart. I then started feeling the spiritual confinement with me doing those carnal acts. I would feel very sheepish, as it affected my accountability. I stunted my growth as a matter of eating a lot of sweets and not averaging a sufficient amount of sleep. The heaviest I ever became was 180 pounds while under 5 feet. I wore a waist size of 36. My life was a wreck for me, as my mind started shutting down. I had moments of hitting myself very heavily enough to the point of me crying in agony of not being able to fully complete any thinking assignment. In ninth grade after a year of courting her during breaks, a young girl stole my heart. I felt a lot of care for her and even mentioned it in crypted messages to my mom, who scared me about an occurence of a destructive relationship with young couples.

My heart sank because I knew I couldn't be with her, but I always wanted the best for her. My reasoning was I lacked all the timing of being well-prepared for a relationship. Learning about love was very important to me as it applies to my walk in the faith. Never was that emotion of wanting to fellowship stronger with any other person. I didn't show it to her, and I forgot about it as I moved on.

Being in carnal mode, I felt like my life was in jeopardy and made me feel weak whenever I wasn't emotionally filled. My true spiritual state is a being who can't do anything. I seeked to always entertain myself and felt fits of having enmity with the world whenever I didn't obtain my selfish desires.

I was always under this bondage of carnality and without the Holy Spirit working in me, I would never have dishardened my heart. I always wanted to avoid the actual truth and whenever, I went to church I always longed to get out.

By the grace of God, after I debated with myself about Jesus' life and did the best I could to defame the mysticism, I wrestled with the Spirit of God and surely enough after I thought about a possible scenario of a virgin birth in modern terms, I accepted Jesus was born through God the father. I believed in Christ's resurrection from the start, but I gained something. I felt higher satisfaction than any other carnal moment I ever had, by placing my confidence in the Godhead.

I was on cloud nine, while feeling loved and overjoyed despite having still the thorns of ignorance in my spiritual life. Romans 8:3 states for what the law could not do in that it is weak in the flesh, God sending His son in the likeness of sin, condemned sin in the flesh. Christ condemned my carnal emotions from my flesh.

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My First Christian Song

I've been practicing this song for awhile, but still haven't gotten it down fully yet. Here are the lyrics:

We lift/lay our hands to worship you.

You pour out your love to deeply cleanse us

We sing for our joy and peace of Christ's reign!

Creator and king of all majestic splendor

Will you smile upon us God? Everyday, we glorify your name above all names. Please fill us with your presence Lord.

We cry out our deepest fears. You are so holy, holy, holy. Holy, holy, holy. Oh Heavenly father. Oh abba. You raised us from above. You equipped us, provider. We will witness the ends of the earth!

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New spiritual man

You know what? Being a short person growing up has made me turn out to be a not so confident person. My reluctances of having existed come from me being so bonded with my childhood experiences. I have never managed to get past these emotions, even though my mom says it doesn't matter. There's a piece of me that has been left out from speaking up.

I've always wanted to have a subtle connection with everyone else, but I didn't end up getting it. From suffering a whole lot, I've had to grow spiritually. It's not being easy living my life and having the worst emotions that you could possibly imagine. I'm really at a point where I can barely fellowship with others. I'm starting to also lose my edge with being accurate in my grammar.

Everything doesn't flow smoothly for me. It is unfortunate that I can't be a very talented leader and disciple maker of some sort. I'm a foolish being to have walked the face of this earth. 1 John 5: 14-15 speaks about how we should have the confidence to approach God and that he will listen to our prayers if ours is in accordance with God's will.

I believe that by making a prayer of wanting to be taller has made me grown taller already. My intention is to share my experience of becoming taller with others of how prayer really works. I can assume my life as a taller person now and pray for better confidence. I am a really reserved person, and in a sense, don't want to get involved. I'm just a nobody, who can't do much consistently. That's my area of failure, and I hope my prayers will be more effective in becoming consistent.

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My Problems

I take so long showers, without even keeping track of time. I wake up incidentally on time, but go back to sleep. I figure I will do homework, but I really don't. I can't truly make up my mind in what I'm supposed to do, without being truly informed about everything. I wonder off in my class lectures. For the first time, I'm actually becoming very serious and at the best level of confidence I need to be at.

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Hey there

Everything always doesn't seem to go your way. The LA Times pointed out today that chronic fatigue is linked to genes. As a kid, I struggled quite a bit to get started with homework and to stay consistent. It's really painful to sit still and do even the minimal amount of work for a child who just wants to play. I had a little sense of being an adult, but no common sense.

Growing up smaller than others, I've also lacked in a lot of confidence with myself. There's one thing that I truly confide in today. That's the Lord Jesus. I know he's real in my life. The Holy Spirit is there to give people the conviction of his omnipotent presence. We all have a great deal to accept or block out.

Mankind before those sanctified people became God-fearing men or women were under the fleshly desires. The natural man sort of acts like an animal under its own instinct. A male rabbit in captivity can't even restrain himself. I've seen it live and in my backyard. Even if I kick it off, it still tries to jump back on few minutes later.

It's bad for a man to be like an animal. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit comes from hardening the hearts and having no remorse over sins. God is not tolerant to people who sin. Sinners are worshippers of the devil. To be right with God, all of us have or need to confess all our sins by acknowledging Jesus as our savior, repenting, and thanking God for His grace upon us.

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Random jitter

I pretty much don't have a lot to say these days. Trying to do the best I can, I'm not very sharp as I would like to be. I want to wake up early and be productive in the early morning. I know that being ready to go by 8:00 am is pretty good for a college student, but's it's not satisfying for me. I want to wake up even more earlier so that I can start off the day with an even fresher mind to seek after God's kingdom.

I have found that blogging on this site for about six months now has made me keenly aware of the things that have been bugging me. I largely have talked about my personal regrets from the past, and this great remorse for them. I believe I made known about my repentance from them and that the past that really gets to me is becoming more like a passing shadow.

A statement that I want to bring up is on how people repent because it feels good to have morality in them. It's considerably selfish looking at it in someone's viewpoint. What I do not like about this view is that, repenting from sin for any reason is good. I'm sure God would be just as pleased with us if we managed to find our way out of sin. Think about the Holy Spirit that reigns in us, he gives us different experiences and some can possibly be filled with fellaho, or brotherly emotional love. To want a connection with a higher calling is good, but it's important to keep in mind of who we are seeking after.

A newspaper I read on the LA Times shows a transcript about a pair of Muslims who brought down a plane during the Sept 11 attack. They claim Allah is the greatest, the most merciful, and compassionate. If this is so, then why didn't those Muslims spare the American's lives. Their hearts were hardened, and there was no true divine intervention from God. Enmity and love do not mix. Some argue Allah is the God of war, more like a god of hatred. Therefore, I state that war and love do not mix. The Old Testament talks about God allowing for wars to happen and even defeating enemies of His people. If you read Lamentations 3:33, it says that God is reluctant to place judgement on his creations. God's wrath upon mankind is righteous because of his sins of breaking away from God and becoming self-centered and deceived into doing evil. The opposite has occured in WWII; people have believed evil is good and good is bad. Take a look at the Nazi regime where they punished Germans who helped some Jews escape.

Just as God isn't so swift at judging, we shouldn't condemn others so wrongfully because we do their actions and are likely to be equally guilty. We can't save our own hides, but only the blood of Jesus can. Place your trust in Jesus' resurrection, and I'll see you in God's kingdom!

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Personal prayer to God

Lord, heaven and earth unite because of you. Please stop man from displeasing you. My life ails, moment by moment, from being away from distractions, such as media and visually stimulating material. I sense my personal weaknesses, and I seek after your help. My heart is so filled with the longing to glorify your name. My body stands in exhaustion because of transient emotions that pass by daily. It can't stand the pressures of having to be alert to every miniscule detail of my life. There is no faith in me with this world. I long to survive in a faithless world! My emotions draw me closer to you and then they fall apart. I have had to reflect on those past experiences to draw further attention to attending good sermons at Calvary Chapels. I have listened to you on KWEV. Without your blessing, my life is meaningless and toilsome. In Jesus Name, amen.

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Morning Prayers

I'm still too involved with my past thoughts, and it's causing me to hinder my spiritual growth. Why I find this so is because I'm constantly forgetting my confidence in the Lord's saving grace. Making a million prayers is something I feel like I've been doing. I'm not so used to praying outloud in front of everyone at like a church. I have always relied on a pastor to lead me in prayer. Making this new stride has been tough!

I do wish to make intelligible statements, and I think the best way for me to adapt into a phenomenal reader is to read things that reflect upon my interests. I'm calm enough to memorize facts and still need to spend more time on juggling concepts in my head. This is so that I may find relationships with different concepts. I'm usually expecting to receive like a headache or some pain when I'm studying.

It's just a matter of me to keep up with my prayers to God. I need to ask a lot more. I would like to focus on the past, only for meaningful recollections. The present and the future is something I need to regain in composure.

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I'm finding that I've been leaving myself out from doing very positive things. My mind is pretty much mainly focused on getting tasks done and the Lord God. I feel like I'm sacrificing so many things as of this point. It's like I've been impaired and perhaps at a bigger disadvantage than I used to be. I think the truth is being revealed in that I have always been a disadvantage and it's because my heart was so distracted from living out for the flesh, I became deceived. I'm not very productive these days because I feel that my mind has gone absent. I've been so focused on how to improve from the past that I've missed out on seeking after God in the present. There are a lot of things I could do for myself. I could put more time into a club, become a tutor, study the Bible, pray a lot more, exercise a lot more, focus on graduating, but I'm not doing so at my best potential. I feel like I'm not putting enough time that I should for getting things done. I'm starting to wake up and smell the coffee with God. I'm not feeling so sick these days from actually trying to complete work. I have been under so much sin now that I'm not going back to that past. I'm so sleepy write now and not so eloquent. I can't really hate my life as I used to, but love the present more than my past life. I'm living an unconditional faith and trust in God. He knows my greatest strengths and weaknesses and desires. I'm so totally convinced that Jesus is real. Living a lifestyle of faith, which Chi described at the Yebi Soon Jang Training is a choice. Besides searching for guidance from God in the Bible, I prefer fellowshipping with Him. I don't know how much I want to emphasize the values of His love and greatest commandments. It's to love your God with all your mind, heart, and soul. The second is love your neighbor as yourself. I'm so concerned about it.
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Too much stuff to do

I don't know where to begin and end. I do need to get some sleep though, Boy, I'm trying to get a lot of stuff done. I just hope I can wake up early to go to the prayer meeting. I think I've been a lot of academic training, enough to be able to conduct my own personal quiet time with God. I believe I'm getting more into the idea of how one should put their faith and trust in God. Disobedience is basically largely attributed to having lack of faith. A result of having disobedience is leading a life of sensuality. Sin is very pleasurably, and the moment that we spend our time on it, promoting our egocentricity, the more violence we create with our fellowship with God. Just because we are saved doesn't mean that we should continue living a reckless life. We are supposed to be dead to sin and buried with Christ. This symbolizes our baptism by placing our faith in Christ. This allows us to have a change in heart to our old self.
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This is the title.

How does this format look? I think this might have a better appearance. When searching through my life stuff

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Let me try again

Okay this is how I think I'll format this blog page

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Check this out

Alrite, I think I'm starting to figure out this scheme.

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Boring night

I remember being inspired to pray online with words at a Christian chat room on AOL one time, early in the morning before I went to school. I had this emotional high and afterwards, I felt really sheepish. I knew jack about the Bible and here I was trying to make all this sense about what Christianity was. The reason why I have brought this up is because my soul seems to be emphasizing the importance of having fellowship with God. This is done by reading the Bible and following all those commands, which doesn't seem very gratifying at certain times. I believe I was attacked in a minor sense today by recalling all the negative thoughts that have ran my life, over the last decade. Everything is going away these days, and I'm finding myself getting very acquainted with routines. I have discovered that having good posture will not only give a person growth, but also better learning situations. The blood flows a lot better with a good posture, which is evident by you not getting tired really fast. With this added blood flow, it will help clear out some diseases in the future.

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I like this setting best?

Oh do I?

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Checking one two three. Using html code to blog this sucker.

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Oh my gosh

I'm learning that I can actually imbed in html code to make my rambings look a little better. This is really neat because I never knew that I could do this. I actually have a pretty good brain, just that I suck at evoking its power when I'm in need or desire to sometimes. Afterwards with the event, I can probably duke out to get the problem if I have a little help from someone. I believe that I'm going to get some food right now.

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My spicy screwed-up life

I'm going to try to recall everything that I learned today and add in a little spice to what my life is about. I talked to Mike B. in the afternoon today about how we should get our club members more involved. I brought up a few questions about his background. He was born and raised in the Philippines, where no arranged marriages occur including Korea. Therefore, I know that most democracies allow for romance to flow in their societies. Interruption, I have just learned that I haven't confirmed my graduation yet. My mom just called me via cell phone. I also heard from Mom that I left my checkbook at hometown Downey and so I'm screwed in paying my apartment fees. Moving on to where I left off, we had a club meeting and I learned that Mike who is the club president has been involved with Night Fashion, a company by doing web design work. He created web pages using Macromedia Dreamweaver and even designed an e-commerce page for everybody to use. Mike B. is a 7th year at Cal Poly Pomona and so I can see how his expertise with clubs and this kind of job knowledge makes him the perfect man suited to be president. I lacked a lot of experience and I'm going to keep on making mistakes because I'm putting myself on the spot all the time without any preparation. What's even worse is that, I'm very loose about making mistakes meaning I don't really care if I blow it. Afterwards, I usually start feeling the pain with the repercussions that goes through my head. My life after all does not suck, I'm just a little slow at tracking things down. My roommate told me that I need to clean his microwave, after I'm done. I think there are a lot of incidents that I need to be aware of. Being at this state of mind where I actually mourn for bad things, I need to not harden myself but to do positive things. Improvements should not be visible to another person, but more better embedded into the guy's character. I know I suck at chatting, but doesn't hurt to try. In my senior projects class, we talked about how Google was behaving, and the teacher sided with how it was doing unethical things. I also believe that the teacher wants privacy for his selfish reasons. Maybe he dreads the idea of getting out of his wheelchair to stand when picking up a phone. I wonder if he has a wheelchair complex, which I'm just making up. Maybe he might put picture frames a little closer to his face while sitting on his wheelchair. I don't know, I'm just digressing in a mean tone. I think teachers are public figures who risk compromising their security to very angry students with paper wad-loaded machine guns. Just a play on to make my point. I went to the library and learned that I couldn't finish two homework problems for a class. I had a little trouble getting the ideas working, but having a normal connection to the books. I learned that Cass has moved to Ohio for some time. I learned that Anthony is on the 40-day fast from meat. I learned that my roommate loves to watch the TV while it's loud. I learned I need to stay out of trouble and be involved with postive business matters to my roommates. I learned that I attended class really late and didn't get anything done except learn how to approach my homework. I learned that Christine is very tired after work, and feels very excited to call me back. I think a lot of girls find me attractive, which defies the heightism effect in society. I think I cracked the mysticism of height, somewhat with the idea of marriages. Who cares? Will I get married for being a short dude who checks in at about 5" 3? Who cares? What made me smile is that taller women tend to not get dates and so will accept a shorter man's appearance. I also have the confidence to approach shorter women and start a conversation with them. Seriously, I'm not a play boy nor a perfect bachelor. Just an absent-minded person who can be out of this physical state of California without knowing it. I guess I'm pretty funny when I want to crack something at a random variable of time. Ehh... These are daily ramblings, what will I come up with tomorrow. I guess the same old same old story. I keep writing about something that pains me or makes me excited. Sometimes, I don't want to write and sometimes I don't care about the length I write. It's been all subjective with the amount of writing I've done. I lost out today by dropping a golf class. I learned that I need to be on time to school today. I'm learning to compromise a lot of meaningless actions, like taking showers, eating, and very little bit of doing so with sleep for chewing in more time. I'll see what glories God has stored for me tomorrow.
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late late late for class
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I've found a different direction out of joining the army. I'm originally going in as a signals intelligence analyst or cryptologist linguist, despite the ongoing war. I want to make this clear, one should truly never join the army for benefits! It is to serve this country and be a defender of freedom. The men and women who have lost their lives fighting in the frontlines doesn't constitute to good times. Nevertheless, we mustn't forget the true values of being in America. It's the right to having freedom in a powerful country, and this is an achievement that has been unparalleled by no other country. It's basically our naturally given rights to walk, breathe, talk, and behave the way we are supposed to! The right to religion is a true commodity, but the reason behind it is to not to force anyone to adopt the perfect relationship that isn't visible. Our hardened hearts may lean out of it often or less than others. We are without a doubt imperfect creatures who have been made right by having trust in the sacrificial lamb, Christ. Faith is like putting trust in your marriage. That's what is required to have a relationship with God and so often we have tested him that some have turned away or never even thought about it because of some emotional breakdowns. I have the choice of becoming a doctor or joining the ministry instead of going into the army. I have a deep decision to make which is going to godly, no matter what path it is! I might not get a security clearance which is fine. I can't get out of the army for saying I want to become a business man instead. They will become angry!
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Being in a repentive state of heart is a very important command from the word of God. Without this willingness, it is highly evident that God may not have chosen to enable this person's heart. God is the creator of our faith as He describes Himself in the old and new testament. It is also by what He does that we come to see the terms we need from Him. Exercising no repentence means you are denying the need for Christ in your life. Having no need will cause you to not to walk the way of the Lord. Repentence by a believer is a sure sign that he has no dead faith in Jesus of the new testament. It is all about faith within our hearts as Romans 10:9 states, "believe in your heart", and no external religion will change the true word of God.
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I'm finding that I'm not the most talented person on the planet! I wish I was so good at the things I am working on. I lack so much concentration because it's been a habit of me not wanting to stress it so much. The only good thing I truly have to offer is my faith in Jesus of the New Testament. It is mainly a testimony that we base our faith off of. The gospel is best understood by basically hearing those words and letting it stir our hearts. I'm not very structured at writing out sentences because I tend to get knocked out with figuring out where to begin.
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If you can't beat them, then join them. I think that I'm not that very clever at sending out e-mails because I really have bugged a lot of people. That was pretty funny, how I sent like an e-mail and then had an idea of what everybody was up to. It was pretty neat to have some skill in writing. I know that when I'm at a confident state, then I can also become really stubborn and miss out on a lot of details. I think being stubborn is not a good trait for me to exhibit when I'm leading. I believe that I need to be able to convince others to go my way. I think a good leader is also very convincing about how plans are supposed to be made. I being tested positive as an emotional and organizational leader should become wholly dedicated to achieving a principle that is agreed upon by the majority. I mustn't be stubborn but yet be convincing enough to gather the majority, if it is ethical. It's only a matter of time that experience will be excruciatingly needed.
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Today, I post yet another blog for the sake of keeping up with my habit. My mind is not really tuned in well right now with reading this technical article. I also have been assigned some math homework. By the way, I'm taking three math classes this quarter and I'm ready to get drilled. I might end up exchanging one course with another class, if I can get into it. I'm looking at dropping Abstract Linear Algebra for Basic Set Theory because I sort of want a break. If not, then I'll stick with that hard abstract linear algebra course. I don't really want to impress people with my grades now. I just want to play it safe. I already have over 250 units over the last 5 years and I think that's impressive enough for an ungraduate record. I'm going to try to get Graph Theory or Intro. to Random Processes. I also need to take a government test to graduate this quarter. My plans are pretty much to go all out with everything good in working hard at mind, body, and spirit. For the mind, I basically want to study so freaking hard, pretty funny thinking those words. The body could use a tune-up and some extra inches so I can catch up with my other friends. I am currently below average with my height, so some people may believe that it's all because of genes. Not quite, I have arms and shoulders that match up pretty well with a lot of my taller friends. I also think that I have pretty big feet for a short guy. I've found a book on growing taller which pretty much says that you have to be healthy, sleeping enough, and eating right to grow. It guarantees added height for people up to the age 25. In some cases, even up to 30 as well. Or your money back! For the spirit, I need to raise some money to go to Cambodia, so that I could do some summer mission project there. I'm also planning to lead a Bible discussion group because I need to get a feel for how others are relating with life in their relationship with God.
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Nothing very fancy, I did this using GIMP 2 which is a free software. The picture in back is me on that background. He looks very young, doesn't he? I think I look a little more handsome these days from exercising. I believe that I need to just get a little bit taller for better fellowshipping purposes. Seriously, I'm not part of this world and so I know that being a believer of Christ is going to make it worse. It's like a double whammy; being a guy who is short and also a full-time believer. It's pretty neat that I get to mourn a lot. With the shortness issue, I'm not going to stress it sometimes but I'm going to make myself taller because I see it as useful. Height is useful indeed, although not very necessary.

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I believe that today I'm touching on the gray areas of humanity. Keeping in mind that word of mouth is how a lot of people function, I'm starting to see that my area of expertise is actually very limited. I have wasted a lot of time in the past and to become better at understanding how things are working in this world, I need to read up on the right things. I'm not actually the most perfect being who catches every single detail in my own life. I believe a huge blessing in my life has been the ability to have a heart to worship God the father and Jesus the Son from having faith that the spirit of truth is filling me. Reading the book of John has turned out to be a blessing. I'm finding that its contents are very encouraging in seeking after Christ. By honoring Christ, we are honoring the father. The miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead has served as evidence of placing trust that Jesus of Bethelem, part of Galilee, is the messiah. If you closely examine the contents of the book of John, then you'll realize the great love that God has for us. It says in John 10: 14-16 that Jesus is the good sheperd, and he lays down his life for the sheep. The sheep represents all who have put their faith in Christ. There are also the sheep who is not of Christ, but they'll listen to the word of God and will eventually become saved. John 14:23 shows that the prince of this world is against Christ. In John 15:19, believers are not part of this world; therefore, the world hates believers. It says in John 12:25, a man who loves his life will lose it [the worldly type], but the believer who is going to suffer through persecution has eternal life. The Son of Man's main request was for us to have good fellowship with one another through love being the main emphasis. John 15:12 tells us the Lord's command, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." If you look down to more verses, then you'll see that Christ considers believers as a friend. This is truly remarkable, the grace of God is very evident. We, having an evil-filled heart by acknowledging Romans 3:10-18, believers are justified as righteous by God in Romans 3:22. For God so loved this world that he gave his one and only son to die for this world. If you are in the midst of consideration with accepting the gospel at full pace, then please consider getting onboard the train of God's fruits.
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I'm realizing that today I really want to focus on creating a pretty simple website for a computer club. Even though I don't possess a lot of talent in utilizing all this technology. I think I'm just going to use my own way of making things happen. What I plan to do is just create mainly a blogger with pictures on it and just keep it simple. I think the CS club is going to adopt minutes and get some people to come up with some fresh ideas for hanging out together. I believe that having speakers will be wonderful, but it's a long shot of that happening. I believe everything should coming down to heart now.
EYY

Today, I just came back from a nice trip of attending San Francisco and Yosemite. I mean it in a spiritual sense because there was not much going on by traveling by bus. I see some disadvantages of going on the bus tour, and I'm frankly glad that my parents didn't really resort to that in the US. For the spiritual aspects, I had some discussions with my travel companion and Christian brother Chris. We mainly conversed about our problems and rambled on about other things, like sibling problems, muslims, history, and prayer requests. Overall, it wasn't really that good but satisfying enough because I got to enjoy reading the Book of John on the bus. I also managed to get in a lot of sleep. Being able to talk to a lot of girls on the bus was pretty fun. I'm graduating next quarter, but not looking into marrying anytime soon. I do have this heightened sense of wanting to though. I made a promise not to get a girlfriend before I graduated to God. It pretty much helped in making the prayer because I didn't really feel a lot of torture after doing it. My body became immune to the thought of sad feelings that would lower my confidence completely if I hadn't made up my mind. As a result, I lost a lot of my emotional intelligence. I was a stunned bird without any will to soar higher than any other. God is the key to my treasure chest that sunk underneath the ocean with my emotions. I've managed to retrieve it and get it opened! My heart inside of me has developed into wanting to glorify him by loving others and being a dilligent kid.
EYY

Okay, today I'm starting to figure out that I do have a heart that longs for glorifying God. Going to a campus ministry has been a lot of fun, and it sometimes takes a lot of heart to stay with it. A few people are very dedicated to this evangelical purpose, and I truly believe that the best solution is to never lose hope, regardless of whatever doctrine that we choose to follow. A hope for a better tomorrow and living is so evident in this world. If we were to put Christ before us, then we will see a hope of seeing many nonbelievers turning into believers. This process is not as easy as it sounds to many evangelical ministers. It is obvious that God has gifted many well-known pastors throughout our generation.
EYY

Today, I find myself having a lot of important things to do. I need to make phone calls to my mom, friend, and recruiter. I am not able to log on to the school server to check my e-mails or register for classes because it says invalid password. I think I might have some problems with the registrar's office. I should wash up by taking a shower because I'm a mess at the moment. I also need to do the laundry because a whole tub of clothes are in there at the moment. I also have to pay for the apartment fees, which I blew off for a week because I put too much concentration on studying, writing, and school clubs. I'm an officer of Computer Science Society, aka CSS and a pretty good goer to Korean Campus Crusade for Christ meetings at Cal Poly Pomona. I've been told by Eric Somethawng (last name, unknown) that he's heard a lot of things about me, which makes me popular around my peers. I'm not very sure about that because I don't want to accept those ideas. I want to dedicate my life to Christ, without expecting anything special. I do it because it is absolutely the greatest privilege to be a part of and going for the ride which God so abundantly provides. It's all God's work, not mine. I'll be charged $25.00 extra for turning it in late my apartment fee. Throughout the break, I want to keep reading up on stuff and just keep it simple. Regardless of how I feel about staying focused on one topic, I have this feeling of urgency to get like too many things done. I'm not going to pay much attention to the things I'm reading, but just do it to see what I can pick up. I'm going to be working on things that I feel is important. I know that there is the LA Marathon this coming Sunday, which I need to run in with my parents. I haven't really trained for it lately because I'm going to take my time this year. I am also going to plan group outings of runners and dedicate myself to training for next year's marathon by starting out with shorter lengths of running. I am also planning to lead a group discussion of the biblical book of John, but I can't do it without reading anything about it!
EYY

Don't have much to write about, just have to take a final and get done with it. I have to take three finals on Monday. My classes are basically Differential Equations, Multivariable Calculus 1, and Operating Systems. They are undergraduate courses and don't seem to bad just that I'm a little pressed for time. I hope I'll do good enough to get an A in each course. I'm sure that I'm looking at a B average at the moment. Just have to try hard enough, hopefully things will go okay. I think I'm not really going to have a lot of sleep and that might be a bad factor. I hope everything will be fine. I think that placing God as my first priority is going to be a very good positive thing for me because it's going to give me some strength to stay up late.
EYY

It's pretty interesting to note that people are actually willing to drive all the way from UCLA to bow to me. I'm so little, but look older than everybody else. Gosh darn it, I want to look more little but look much younger than everybody else. I guess time flies by too quickly. I still have hope in growing taller to catch up with everybody else. I want to do those so I can at least look like that I have good hygiene. I also want to fellowship with other people a little better to glorify God. I could have better voice projection to those tall friends. Even without it, I believe that I can still look decent enough for a very tall wife. Regardless of height, I'm more into the personality aspect and more about being friends with the sister in Christ. I think I'm a lying scoundrel for saying that I'm never going to get married. I could also not be too. Finding discernment at this age is a wonderful blessing from God, hopefully I'm right, because I can actually now know what the true aspect of a conflict is in people. I remember blaming a lot of stuff on other things for problems that I conceived with these group of friends. I think I had a lot of worries and anxieties of doing the wrong things to offend people and let go of wonderful friendships. I was a little too emotionally attached when I was in the earlier parts of high school and elementary school. I was very inactive with my school work, as to how I feel because I used to procrastinate my little to nothing homework and watch TV all day. That was a total mind knock-over. I regret ever having done that. I didn't even budge to fix my hygiene of getting taller and washing my face. I do feel that I'm fortunate enough to pluck my hair out of my face and eye brows with my own fingers. I don't really feel a huge sensation of pain. I guess if a close female friend of yours says you'll look better if something is done, chances are she's right.
EYY

Yeesh, I just woke up right now and I'm finding myself in a very bad position right now. I haven't shown up the whole day to go out witnessing, and it looks like that I'm not in very good shape right now. I have several excuses for not having made it today, and I'm starting to realize that a good fellowship is something that this Cal Poly club lacks. It feels like people are totally struggling with their relationship in God. I just have feelings but I can't confirm these thoughts. A fellow KCCCer named Daniel (too many of them) said that he wants to feel God's presence and know what that relationship is about. I'm starting to see that the weakness in me is being generated by others. I have this sense of indifference in talking with everyone and that's how others are treating me also. I believe that despite my lack of hygiene (not being tall enough) and wearing glasses, I still need to make an effort in developing communication skills. The way for me to do this is to listen to what others are saying. I'm really glad that this blog is probably best understood only by me and that noone else besides God will ever understand what I'm trying to say here. The points that I am making, and the great efforts that I need to go after in studying is tough. I'm feeling a little guilty these days because I'm not really eating enough. I'm really focused on getting the good grades and not very in a fellowshipping mood right now. This is the last meeting for me and making that effort to show up is going to be tough. I believe in prayers and looks like I'm going to have spend some time in it from now on to late. I'm willing to go through the trials and burdens that get upon me just for the sake of God's family to get stronger in love and bonding. It's time to give all my effort, 24 7 for the glory of Christ.
EYY

Right To Defend America

There are several plans in the course of action that I would like to take. My dad is looking for someone like me, a well-educated son to help run some things in the business. I have expressed a desire in pursuing after an MBA and after a master's and Ph. D in CS. I sound pretty crazy right now because I also want to glorify God by joining the army. My sister and mom have said God doesn't like wars. It is okay to defend ourselves. If a criminal were to take away a life of a stranger who we love, then it would be strange to say that God doesn't want us to have a police man engage in a legal act of killing to protect this society. It is God-permissible to defend ourselves out of love for the people in this country. We should allow these types of daily conflicts to be settled by God, who calls law enforcers and even the combatants in Iraq to serve for His plan of defeating our enemies. I'm not agreeing to putting ourselves willingly, but only in these moments where we are enabled by power of God's spirit to defend our fellow countrymen.
EYY

Subtle Insults of Myself

A few e-mails feel really haunting. I've lived a social life of doing the best that I can and receiving unpredictable results. I'm starting to see people's hearts a little more clearly these days than I used to because I have refused to think back then, referring to my K-12 schooling period. It's really sad to figure out that my mom's main hope in working so hard was for me. I never knew that my mom could be so mad by being exhausted and be sarcastic in an abusive tone. It really hurt me to grow up with a few of those pains. I really had moments of wanting to please my mom by trying so hard and just not doing well enough to bring myself satisfaction. I remember having to battle with my inner being of balancing play vs. work. I went against my own moral judgement of playing enough and became worn out with studying. I think I exhibited this character because I wasn't naturally gifted at withstanding long periods of doing tedious work. I do recall having so much fun when I played games and sports with people. I didn't necessarily have the best physical shape because I took it literally in eating a lot as a kid. It became a passion for me to eat a lot, and I worried a few food preparers at parties by the amount of food I was taking. I became encouraged to eat so much food. I hardly thought about my health back then and I became really chubby. I became slower with my efforts of wanting to exercise because of all that unnecessary added weight and could have amounted to putting so much stress on my body that I stayed shorter than everybody else. That's pretty odd in that I would actually be the one to eat an abnormal amount of food and be so big on the waist like a 30 year old, regular size man would have at the age of thirteen. I weighed in at 180 pounds and was 4 ft 11 at the time. I was legally handicapped with an adult's weight at this age. Boy was I also showing off so much unconfidence because I thought that was the best thing for people to do. I believe I faked it so much by restraining myself that I actually convinced myself that I was always a quiet person. I really wasn't a quiet person because I remember asking so many questions to a friend who just said to shut up by telling me "I don't know". I remember having my heart-broken and that isn't good at all. I recall being in a depressed state and making people laugh with the stuff I was talking about. That's really wierd how I convinced myself that things weren't all right. Coming to this state of mind, I'm not too sure what to expect out of it. Things have been going pretty smoothly for me and now I see disruptions and a comfort zone that's dissipating. I'm starting to notice that I lack so much in discipline and randomly just saying this.
EYY

Today's Diary Report

Today, it's one of those days where I feel a little down because I'm not living up to what I truly want. I've been sick and complained about it to myself so much that I missed some classes at Cal Poly. I'm taking only 12 units so I don't see myself falling very behind. Not to mention, that I'm repeating one course and taking two math classes which are progressing for me pretty well. Getting back to what I want, I feel a little disappointed at myself because I have scorn for my funny actions. I'm very well getting impressed with this year's group of officers because the major changes are happening. Having a meeting on Mondays has been largely successful because of its lack of scheduling conflict with other students. I remember doing nothing last year, so there's not much credit I can give myself. I was under the spell of wanting to play computer games, silly me and not realizing the amount of time I was passing up to actually be able to focus on my coursework. I've had to learn several lessons, which are based on tweaking my academic performances by first learning to have the right amount of patience for achieving knowledge. I've also finally managed to agree with myself that attending classes are really important because you get to have a highlight of the day at the very minimal standard. My parents have already begun thinking highly of me and so worry about my future after the army. They talk about an age gap with other competitors, but I personally see it as a refuge to grow bigger by using my desires from natural tendencies. I see that a lot of things are made implicit and that feelings can sometimes cause one to panic enough to actually shed from the hard truth of living out a desirably good experience.
EYY

Moment of Imagerial Recollection

I'm starting to realize these days that intuition doesn't always come with expectations of looking for it at the right moment of time. All of this world seems to be dwelled in by a loving force that captivates individuals by their own will or natural selection from this invisible goodness. It is true that everyone doesn't always live a happy life of wanting to do everything easy and being filled to the utmost and having that cup filled to the very rim of it and enlarged for further satisfaction. All of us have been given a gift from this most gracious circle because of our natural predestination to incline to the dark pits of failure. When I look at individuals, I see a sense of a lighted being wanting to provide them with all of their needs and being wholy challenged in trying to mold them in the perfect and best form. For example, using me as an illustration, I have grown up to be the most insignificant person that I have ever imagined to be. I've continuously lived this empty life filled with emotions of desperation, lust, sorrows, guilt, and deep despair. I disabled myself by practicing cult-like rituals that distracted me from gathering fruits for my family and loved ones. By practicing the deceptive art of not being caught by my parents, I was only hurting myself by clinging on to this security blanket. It is too devestating for me to reveal to women who are precious souls to the living God, equivalently with men. I find that my way of past practices have led me to a doomed path of repetitious sadness and willful rebellion against the natural calls of truth, justice, and righteousness. I was nothing but a clanging piece of gong who acted like nothing was wrong because of my need to cling on to encouragement of good people. Yes, I have a tainted heart filled with evil and find that solving problems is the thing that I like to do for myself. I've had a period of drought in the actions of encouraging others when I was given a calling to do so. My emotions sank underneath the ocean on a treasure chest and out of principle, I'm working eventually at retrieving the chest, finding the perfect locksmith, and sorting out those past treasures that I have defiantly let go of.
EYY

I've found a site where you can order an e-book to become taller naturally. The testimonies claim people having grown at least some centimeters for trying it. It's likely that people can even keep growing to their thirties. I personally want to grow taller because I'm about 5 ft 2 1/2. It doesn't really matter to me because I don't mind being this short. I'm just doing it to glorify the Lord so that I can fellowship better with other brothers who are way taller than me. That's my main reason of wanting to grow taller and so I will apply the principles from this book of growing taller. The website is tobetaller.com, but I'm going to do it because it looks pretty safe to me and thirty dollars doesn't seem that big of a deal for a book. I think I will check its authenticity before I I go about ordering the book.
EYY

Today, I don't feel like writing because I'm still sick with a red right eye and sore throat. I think the red eye is affected because of my allergies with dust and also very tired. I believe in heavily in not using medicine to relieve myself because I want to live a steady healthy life. This way I won't have to rely on a material to sustain my physicality. I'm finding that I am becoming more capable of an individual who can love and show affection. I do have emotions inside of me that cause me to want to cry for people who died in a war. At the same time, I'm also able to cry for being happy at the good things that are happening in this life. War just induces tears to me because I'm bringing myself closer to it this year. I've signed up and now am part of the active army as a signal intelligence analyst or linguist. I don't know what adventures lie in wait for me. In the next five years, I don't know how I'll turn out after finishing my service. I could be sent to Iraq but I don't see it as likely because I'm going in the service as a noncombatant so I won't be seeing enemy lines. The brave Korean units all 660 of them in Iraq are also noncombatants and none of them have died from enemy fire. I hear how one died after being kidnapped by Iraqi terrorists. I believe that the government might have a bigger calling for me because they are willing to invest a year of Advanced Individual Training for me to learn a crucial language. I am willing to defend my country and will die with honor, but it's highly likely this won't be the case for me. I'm looking at being schooled in the army in postgraduate school. My sister has made the assumption that soliders have to do their job and can't go to school. It's not so because the army places willing and capable soldiers at a school with duty to research for the government.
EYY

I haven't written on this blog for a very long time now. I think I've finally found some time to include a little portion of the details that has happened in my life. This week a lot of significant changes are occurring in my life because I've made some life-altering decisions. I still have some time to go to reconfirm that my path is absolutely the best way to go. Sometimes, we all have to risks to get to where we all desire. Many will want to find a relaxing and comfortable route because discomfort and suffering is seen as a negative sign of someone's life. It in fact is just the opposite because suffering and discomfort could be used to the person's advantage in growing smarter and developing a good heart. Many of us are still basing our lives off personal feelings and thoughts that come with it. I'm pretty much an emotional dummy as of this point in my life. I like to see things clear cut and after things that I want to do. I still have faults that I want to get rid of. I have moments of blurting out uncontrollable words when I'm faced with a situation of studying and flashing back to memories that I don't want to remember. I remember thoughts that I used to have dealing with my evil desires of sensuality. I've had to battle with this sin for practically my whole life. I also say stuff to people and repeat them to myself because I don't want to make any mistake and like to fix them as I go. I'm not really into fame and fortune. The image thing isn't really for me. I've noticed that my intutition is starting to grow larger and has piqued itself to higher grounds. Surely, I know that I'm still a dummy by making mistakes. I've figured out three things will ensure a good school life. Focus, study, and hard work. Learning is just a state.
EYY

It's really hard to appreciate humor these days. I guess not everyone is able to see it these days. I believe we all have our strengths and weaknesses that carries us throughout our days. It's sometimes difficult to picture a calling of the right higher power. I'm talking about the almighty God of the Old and New Testament. I'm basically laughing off the pressures that are associated with this writing. I've developed some type of humor that motivates me to continue progressing in this lifetime. It of course hurts to not to make progress for me. If I end up doing other things that aren't my priorities, I end up sad, lonely, disappointed, and often frustrated. It's like wanting to get high off of drugs but you use a different enemy which is your ownself. We can sometimes deceive ourselves as young human beings without any proper advice. Some think that kids grow up to automatically thinking adults. This isn't always the case because the ideas that we all have don't necessarily fit in the modeling stream of this world. For instance, I dream and become the sole center of interest in the dreams. My ideas become exposed to my conscious, and my brain waves carry out a simulation of how I'm expecting people to interact with me at different circumstances. I have surprised myself quite often with unexpected results from what I have originally aimed for.
EYY

Boy, I'm not very emotionally stable at the moment and it's this feeling of emptiness that's associated with my body. It's really discouraging to try to talk to people because my style isn't that great. I have grown up as not a talker but more of a thinker of my conscience. I've made a lot of bad decisions in the past and knew I was making them. I also became trapped into this cycle of addiction. I know it's all about keeping a constant and steady pace. My body doesn't seem to have that discipline to do it. From childhood, I've never been able to take out my restlessness when it came to getting things done. With all of these things, I have lacked a lot of advice which I made my idol. I've always had this sort of spiritual sense of being told what to do to make my life happy. My parents and peers have made an assumption that there really isn't any problems with my life. My mom was like one of the proudest people in my life because of my steadiness. I became ensnared by my lusts for playing video games and actually passing them. My psyche became totally dependent upon how I was playing a video game. Today, I am mourning about my past and doing the best I can to make my end's meet. I'm totally used to segregation with the normal crowds. I never really did so well in the big ones. I grew up with a shock of being physically left out by people I played with. I was one of those people who was chosen last for everything, but I was at the top of my class at different periods of my life. I certainly did have this edge of wanting to get A's, no matter what it took. I started losing it because I became worn out from having to go to school over and over again, with each grade. I wanted to skip all those years and get right into the meat with a solid teacher guiding me. These blessings are truly not what I have had, but I don't really care after all. Even though I mourn, my existence doesn't really care about it at all. There are a few good influences I have had in my childhood and faith is one of the most useful tactics that you have to get to. I'm now at this point in my life where everything has to be in place. My weakness is that I can't do that perfectly as I would like it to be. Looks like through having gone a lot of sufferings, I'm relying on the Bible more than ever, and it's comforting though challenging sometimes. I do feel like a work in progress for it though.
EYY